I've made a decision...

[alpha23]

I will no longer base my happiness on others. I am tired of setting my hopes and desires in the hands of others. All too often I think of how I would like things to be, which mainly includes other people. But I am tired of being disappointed. I'm not getting excited about ANYTHING until it actually happends. It's not even that other people are doing anything wrong, or at least I'm trying to tell myself that (my head just wants to blame it on others, when I know that's not right). It's just that I'm convinced I need to truly be happy by myself before I can open myself up to others. I get the feeling that I'm extremely open to everyone, not just my closests friends and family, and that is what gets me in to trouble. Trust... it's a big thing. This probably sounds selfish, but I need to find out what I want, how to fulfill myself, then I can tend to others. Obviously I'm still going to pay attention to the needs of others in the meantime, but I think I need to focus on some of the things I want to get out of life, and go for them. Does this sound self-centered?!? Probabaly. But at this point I don't care anymore.

I go to Leadershape camp on Tuesday. I think this will really help with my goals, and it will also give me a chance to get away from everything.

Sorry this post probably didn't make any sense, but I think it helped me. Until next time...