(no subject)
where do I start, and who do i choose to stand next to me?
I never wanted to be like everyone else, not for any reason. Not because I saw them as "conformists" but because I wanted to experience something that hadn't been before. I travel when I sleep, and I live out lives I've longed to. But There is too much I want to become.
I dreampt about God last night... It was weird. Then I dreampt about Zack. I miss him sometimes more then anyone. I miss holding onto someone. Miss being understud. Not like Im this enigmatic riddle that no one can solve, Im not that self righteous, but knowing someone felt the same. I feel that with Justin, like I can open my mouth and spit out whatever the hell Im thinking no matter how cynical, dissapointing, emotional, it would normally be to another human being. This doesn't mean I don't care about his feelings at all. It means Im always honest with him because he's accepting. and we'll argue and I will feel more accepted then I ever have as he's telling me his view, Because it never comes from a close minded place. it comes from a place where we are both striving more then anything to trust eachother with the truth. so I'll supress my giddy laughter with a smile everytime he says he's shattered my hypothesis. We have this obsession with debating eachother on everything. Its wonderful because bluntness like that takes you to this point beyond editing yourself for someone, beyond secrets. I can't explain it, but there is this acceptance we give to eachother through our differences, and half the time we're arguing we're really saying "its ok, I understand completely" Sometimes I feel too honest. Its hard to define because arguing comes from one person not understanding the other, so I couldn't really call it arguing at all. Its like... bluntness about everything, and if his bluntness counteracts my view we both honestly continue with what we're thinking, which seems like an argument to everyone else. Anyways he's coming tomorrow.
I never wanted to be like everyone else, not for any reason. Not because I saw them as "conformists" but because I wanted to experience something that hadn't been before. I travel when I sleep, and I live out lives I've longed to. But There is too much I want to become.
I dreampt about God last night... It was weird. Then I dreampt about Zack. I miss him sometimes more then anyone. I miss holding onto someone. Miss being understud. Not like Im this enigmatic riddle that no one can solve, Im not that self righteous, but knowing someone felt the same. I feel that with Justin, like I can open my mouth and spit out whatever the hell Im thinking no matter how cynical, dissapointing, emotional, it would normally be to another human being. This doesn't mean I don't care about his feelings at all. It means Im always honest with him because he's accepting. and we'll argue and I will feel more accepted then I ever have as he's telling me his view, Because it never comes from a close minded place. it comes from a place where we are both striving more then anything to trust eachother with the truth. so I'll supress my giddy laughter with a smile everytime he says he's shattered my hypothesis. We have this obsession with debating eachother on everything. Its wonderful because bluntness like that takes you to this point beyond editing yourself for someone, beyond secrets. I can't explain it, but there is this acceptance we give to eachother through our differences, and half the time we're arguing we're really saying "its ok, I understand completely" Sometimes I feel too honest. Its hard to define because arguing comes from one person not understanding the other, so I couldn't really call it arguing at all. Its like... bluntness about everything, and if his bluntness counteracts my view we both honestly continue with what we're thinking, which seems like an argument to everyone else. Anyways he's coming tomorrow.