(no subject)
I am officially no longer a teenager as of today. Weeeeird.
I'm feeling kinda zen about it. Like, when I reflect on my teenage years and all the confusion that came with them, in a way I do sort of feel like I am leaving some of those things in the past. Obviously it's not like I woke up and I was like WOAH I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON, except I sort of am a different person.
I spent a lot of time learning and being conditioned to have some awful habits regarding the way I treat myself and see myself. I can be very self-loathing at times, the reasons for which I don't really want to get into. And that's not uncommon amongst a lot of the people in my life which is why there is a certain kind of sick normality about being so goddamned hard on myself. The thing for me has been learning to separate feelings of self-hate from the things that drive me to better myself. Learning that I really like who I am and it's okay to like who I am, and that striving to be better than that is a type of self-respect.
I didn't come to these conclusions alone although I don't talk about them that much. In reality the thing that has changed for me in the last year has been feeling more comfortable with making new friends and letting myself be more social. It's kind of frighteningly easy to become isolated in this world and the effects of that is more traumatizing than I ever gave much thought to.
Anyway...birthday ramblings...woww...so long story short I'm feeling pretty optimistic today. And if that fails, well, fuck. :P
I'm feeling kinda zen about it. Like, when I reflect on my teenage years and all the confusion that came with them, in a way I do sort of feel like I am leaving some of those things in the past. Obviously it's not like I woke up and I was like WOAH I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON, except I sort of am a different person.
I spent a lot of time learning and being conditioned to have some awful habits regarding the way I treat myself and see myself. I can be very self-loathing at times, the reasons for which I don't really want to get into. And that's not uncommon amongst a lot of the people in my life which is why there is a certain kind of sick normality about being so goddamned hard on myself. The thing for me has been learning to separate feelings of self-hate from the things that drive me to better myself. Learning that I really like who I am and it's okay to like who I am, and that striving to be better than that is a type of self-respect.
I didn't come to these conclusions alone although I don't talk about them that much. In reality the thing that has changed for me in the last year has been feeling more comfortable with making new friends and letting myself be more social. It's kind of frighteningly easy to become isolated in this world and the effects of that is more traumatizing than I ever gave much thought to.
Anyway...birthday ramblings...woww...so long story short I'm feeling pretty optimistic today. And if that fails, well, fuck. :P