This computer thinks too loud.
This screen is hurting my eyes. I think I grew up a lot today. I had my first encounter with the death of a loved one since I guess you could say I've entered adultood. I'm in the kill people capital of the world Gary, Indiana. Today was probably the one of the hardest days I've ever experienced. I don't even know how to explain why, but I think the next funeral will be easier. This one caught me off guard. I wasn't ready for all the emotions that I would feel, see, experience. I wasn't ready for how bad he looked. He was so bloated and weird looking.....just seeing how made up and unlike himself he looked made me cry at first. Then I was just angry all over again.
When we were at the cemetary I remember crying but having a smile on my face. I just kept thinking of his smile and it made me smile. He was so cute, short and fat. He wasn't fat today, he looked thin. I didn't like it. Grandpa wasn't thin. He always had food stuck in his beard. He always said 'dirty words'. Grandma told him to watch his french...he was fluent in 'french'.
I've never seen so much emotion at a funeral. I've never seen and heard so many people sob. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. So many hard and caloused people let things go today and just decided to be. It didn't help that Uncle Bobby played Angel by Sarah McGloughlin.........I was almost mad because my mom used to tell me that this was her song to me. That being said it obviously meant something to her so it made her sob even more. I let her cry on me all day. I cried too. Her Daddy died. I don't know what I will do when mine does. I will literally be lost. He has always helped me find my way. Hopefully someday I will be able to find my own way, but that doesn't mean I feel like life would be possible w/o him. It's a blessing and a curse to be close to your parents. I know, I must be selfish. But it will hurt so much.
When we were at the cemetary I remember crying but having a smile on my face. I just kept thinking of his smile and it made me smile. He was so cute, short and fat. He wasn't fat today, he looked thin. I didn't like it. Grandpa wasn't thin. He always had food stuck in his beard. He always said 'dirty words'. Grandma told him to watch his french...he was fluent in 'french'.
I've never seen so much emotion at a funeral. I've never seen and heard so many people sob. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. So many hard and caloused people let things go today and just decided to be. It didn't help that Uncle Bobby played Angel by Sarah McGloughlin.........I was almost mad because my mom used to tell me that this was her song to me. That being said it obviously meant something to her so it made her sob even more. I let her cry on me all day. I cried too. Her Daddy died. I don't know what I will do when mine does. I will literally be lost. He has always helped me find my way. Hopefully someday I will be able to find my own way, but that doesn't mean I feel like life would be possible w/o him. It's a blessing and a curse to be close to your parents. I know, I must be selfish. But it will hurt so much.