Officially Dense
This is a proclamation that I highly misinterpret and doubt male interest. It is like there is a section of my brain that filters the incoming "hey this guy is flirting with me" and produces the outgoing "No he is just being friendly." It's like I have little people sitting at desks editing and re-writing my intuition and observations into safe, neutral points of view. Recently those writes have been pumping out pages of revisions, though some of that is from fear of getting hurt. But seriously how did I not put together that when a guy asks for your number, without any hints or prompts on the girl's side that there was a chance for something more, it means he is interested. And will pursue that opening. But that didn't really occur to my brain. So when my phone began to ring and I see that it is from the area code of a recently met Scott, I freaked just a little. And somehow I now have a casual semi-date gathering to "grab some coffee" or rather a jamba juice this friday. And part of that is really good cause he is intelligent, humorous, cute (tall, great bone structure, exoctic features cause he looks persian but is actually russian), friendly, etc.
But I'm hesitant just cause this all popped up out of nowhere, and I was content with this being a romance free summer, especially because I know that what my heart wants is something real. I want for something to happen, not now but in the near future, the build up and the relationship. Something deep and caring, that can't be forced but that just ends up happening. And I was cool with waiting for it to show up when it liked. And I guess there is nothing wrong with having innocent fun along the way. But its just weird going into something knowing there cannot be anything more, so its almost a why bother. I don't feel ready for this adult type of dating where it can be awkward conversation at a little table and people wondering the next day if they really will call. I like the casual college setting, where you hang out and get to know someone and their character. This you don't know any of their history, how truthful or safe they are.
Isn't it funny how such a simple thing as a date can send me into a tizzy? Alright I'm gonna take a deep breath, relax, and let life take its course. hah, I just realized, older guys are much more clear in their intentions which is not a bad thing. Means I know I am going on a date before I get there.
But I'm hesitant just cause this all popped up out of nowhere, and I was content with this being a romance free summer, especially because I know that what my heart wants is something real. I want for something to happen, not now but in the near future, the build up and the relationship. Something deep and caring, that can't be forced but that just ends up happening. And I was cool with waiting for it to show up when it liked. And I guess there is nothing wrong with having innocent fun along the way. But its just weird going into something knowing there cannot be anything more, so its almost a why bother. I don't feel ready for this adult type of dating where it can be awkward conversation at a little table and people wondering the next day if they really will call. I like the casual college setting, where you hang out and get to know someone and their character. This you don't know any of their history, how truthful or safe they are.
Isn't it funny how such a simple thing as a date can send me into a tizzy? Alright I'm gonna take a deep breath, relax, and let life take its course. hah, I just realized, older guys are much more clear in their intentions which is not a bad thing. Means I know I am going on a date before I get there.