there is nothing more to say

[alosthope]

i leave secretly crying not knowing quite what all the tears are for. i am so confused these days with life in general. and these thoughts of mine are harassing me and poking fun of all i have to give. which isnt that much and i am not sure if you enjoy it all. i want things to be perfect but when i realize that they are not and they never ever will be with anything or anyone i wonder why the hell they cant be. we are good. but as i kissed you last night your eyes were on the tv and not on me and that hurt me alot. and i am sure that that happens to everyone. but i still worry about it. i dont know what i want anymore. i need to change my outlook. when i do that everything seems fine? so that is my mission now.

school has been a joke lately. i hate studying for tests. i cant wait until i figure out what i want to do so i can take classes i actually like. but i think that i might be majoring in english with a focus on the arts and concentration on film. and maybe a touch of journalism???????????????????

i have no one but shane that i am close to. no one else honestly really doesnt care.

i am going to new york in september!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (something to look forward to)

i have nothing interesting to talk about and that saddens me. i need to live! without feeling held back. i am the only one that is holding me back. (that is it!)