Rachel Moss, ugly mirror.
WisCon is by far my favorite con although I could not go this year. So reading about the incredible dumbfuckery of Rachel Moss and her shortsighted attack on the convention and it's attendees has me at code red. You can get the gory details here, but the short version is, Rachel thought it would be a good idea to take sneaky photos of overweight and/or differently-gendered people and then write an elaborate post mocking them on SomethingAwful.
Soooooo, what kind of fucking loser are you to SPEND MONEY to hang out with people you clearly detest simply so you can make cheap shots of them later on the internet for the approval of a bunch of fucking mouth breathers?
Ok, now that I got that out of my system, I have this to say:
Being a prior attendee, I know for a fact that Rachel purposefully searched out the most 4Chan-foddery panels she could find in order to make fun of the participants. When I go to WisCon, I like to check out the writing panels, some of the political panels, and catch a few readings, influenced, of course, by who is going to be at the panel or reading, I look for friends to support or people I admire to listen to. So I feel weirdly attacked by Rachel Moss even though I didn't attend this year, and I am worried I am going to stumble across misappropriated photos of friends.
But honestly, and this is the dark confession time- part of me understands Rachel's ugliness because I hear that ugly voice in my own head too when I attend any con- not "check out that fatty/retard/freak" because I could give a fuck about somebody's weight or sexual orientation or whatever. My ugly voice instead gripes about dumb shit- black socks with sandals and pervasive body odor. Poor dress (and costumes DON'T count as "poor dress", those take effort and forethought) and grooming sets off my inner ugly because I feel that it is perpetuating the stereotype that all nerds are "stinky" and "gross", and I feel like that, more than anything else, is the stereotype that keeps people away from exploring F/SF/H. I regard myself as an ambassador of the genres and am always pushing other readers and writers I meet to think about genre in a different way. Because if you don't read genre fiction, you probably don't read at all, because everything you have read up until now has probably been kinda boring. If I had a nickle for every writing class I've taken where someone said to me something like, "I don't read fantasy, but I would read this," I could take y'all to Coldstone. I just feel that if you don't have any wonder in your life, you are being robbed. So when I go to a con, be it ComicCon or PhoenixCon or WisCon and see/smell someone who clearly hasn't bathed in at least 4 days, it makes me angry.
I guess it's kind of like when a girl giggles and twists her hair and plays dumb and wears JUICY shorts and I kind of want to punch her in the face because she is perpetuating the stereotype that women are inferior to men.
And so I guess the only real difference between myself and Rachel Moss is the shit that makes me bitchy is the shit that people can CONTROL. You can't control your sexual preferences, not without spending your life in misery. And if you got a bad genetic roll of the dice metabolism-wise, the only way you can stay skinny is by treating yourself like a prisoner. When I was a size 8, I worked out EVERY DAY. I ate a packet of oatmeal for breakfast, a bowl of frozen broccoli for lunch, and something small for dinner, usually another bowl of broccoli or a small bowl of cereal. And that was just to be a size 8, I honestly believe that my body would shut down completely and I would die before I got to a 4 or a 2, let alone a 0.
And I was only able to maintain this military, borderline ana lifestyle for as long as I was single. As soon as someone else came into the picture, I got "fat" again. But I would rather be fat and loved, than thin and unloved. Pretty much a no-brainer there. And I wouldn't ask someone I loved to subsist on oatmeal and broccoli, so by asking myself to do it, does that mean I loved myself less by trying to conform more to what is "healthy"? Granted, when I started the regime I did need to lose about 10 pounds to get back to what I think of as my "normal" weight, but I enjoyed the feeling of control so much that I didn't stop trying to lose once I hit that magic number and I ended up waaaaay below it. There were some things I liked about being that thin, mostly that the summer heat was much easier to bear, and some things I hated, such as attracting a much larger demographic of men, 99% of which was not mutual. Not that I'm ugly at my normal weight, but I'm a taste. Like, if you think Boris Vallejo chicks are hot, you will probably also think I am hot. If you fear that their big thighs are going to crush your tiny little weenis, you probably would not find me attractive.
So I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt threatened, angry, and slightly sympathetic all at once. Am I also guilty of taking away the safe space for con goers, at least psychically, by thinking shitty things about those that offend my nose? Because a negative thought translates to negative body language, which does take away safe space.
Or am I right to expect more out of any adult than simply perpetuating negative stereotypes? What is appropriate? Where does one draw the line?
Soooooo, what kind of fucking loser are you to SPEND MONEY to hang out with people you clearly detest simply so you can make cheap shots of them later on the internet for the approval of a bunch of fucking mouth breathers?
Ok, now that I got that out of my system, I have this to say:
Being a prior attendee, I know for a fact that Rachel purposefully searched out the most 4Chan-foddery panels she could find in order to make fun of the participants. When I go to WisCon, I like to check out the writing panels, some of the political panels, and catch a few readings, influenced, of course, by who is going to be at the panel or reading, I look for friends to support or people I admire to listen to. So I feel weirdly attacked by Rachel Moss even though I didn't attend this year, and I am worried I am going to stumble across misappropriated photos of friends.
But honestly, and this is the dark confession time- part of me understands Rachel's ugliness because I hear that ugly voice in my own head too when I attend any con- not "check out that fatty/retard/freak" because I could give a fuck about somebody's weight or sexual orientation or whatever. My ugly voice instead gripes about dumb shit- black socks with sandals and pervasive body odor. Poor dress (and costumes DON'T count as "poor dress", those take effort and forethought) and grooming sets off my inner ugly because I feel that it is perpetuating the stereotype that all nerds are "stinky" and "gross", and I feel like that, more than anything else, is the stereotype that keeps people away from exploring F/SF/H. I regard myself as an ambassador of the genres and am always pushing other readers and writers I meet to think about genre in a different way. Because if you don't read genre fiction, you probably don't read at all, because everything you have read up until now has probably been kinda boring. If I had a nickle for every writing class I've taken where someone said to me something like, "I don't read fantasy, but I would read this," I could take y'all to Coldstone. I just feel that if you don't have any wonder in your life, you are being robbed. So when I go to a con, be it ComicCon or PhoenixCon or WisCon and see/smell someone who clearly hasn't bathed in at least 4 days, it makes me angry.
I guess it's kind of like when a girl giggles and twists her hair and plays dumb and wears JUICY shorts and I kind of want to punch her in the face because she is perpetuating the stereotype that women are inferior to men.
And so I guess the only real difference between myself and Rachel Moss is the shit that makes me bitchy is the shit that people can CONTROL. You can't control your sexual preferences, not without spending your life in misery. And if you got a bad genetic roll of the dice metabolism-wise, the only way you can stay skinny is by treating yourself like a prisoner. When I was a size 8, I worked out EVERY DAY. I ate a packet of oatmeal for breakfast, a bowl of frozen broccoli for lunch, and something small for dinner, usually another bowl of broccoli or a small bowl of cereal. And that was just to be a size 8, I honestly believe that my body would shut down completely and I would die before I got to a 4 or a 2, let alone a 0.
And I was only able to maintain this military, borderline ana lifestyle for as long as I was single. As soon as someone else came into the picture, I got "fat" again. But I would rather be fat and loved, than thin and unloved. Pretty much a no-brainer there. And I wouldn't ask someone I loved to subsist on oatmeal and broccoli, so by asking myself to do it, does that mean I loved myself less by trying to conform more to what is "healthy"? Granted, when I started the regime I did need to lose about 10 pounds to get back to what I think of as my "normal" weight, but I enjoyed the feeling of control so much that I didn't stop trying to lose once I hit that magic number and I ended up waaaaay below it. There were some things I liked about being that thin, mostly that the summer heat was much easier to bear, and some things I hated, such as attracting a much larger demographic of men, 99% of which was not mutual. Not that I'm ugly at my normal weight, but I'm a taste. Like, if you think Boris Vallejo chicks are hot, you will probably also think I am hot. If you fear that their big thighs are going to crush your tiny little weenis, you probably would not find me attractive.
So I don't know. I don't think I've ever felt threatened, angry, and slightly sympathetic all at once. Am I also guilty of taking away the safe space for con goers, at least psychically, by thinking shitty things about those that offend my nose? Because a negative thought translates to negative body language, which does take away safe space.
Or am I right to expect more out of any adult than simply perpetuating negative stereotypes? What is appropriate? Where does one draw the line?