I demand euphoria!!!
Been trying to convince myself to snap out of it today... but trying hasn't been working. This may be one of those deals where trying to be ok just makes you more not ok...
I mean.. don't get me wrong... I'm fine...
Just been in such a freaking MOOD today! Don't know if it's that dream, or boredom, or worry, or just me being a freak..... I think it's a little of all of the above....
Just admitting to people that I am feeling really anxious and weird has already helped me to feel better... I just start feeling so stupid for feeling weird and it makes everything worse... When I can't explain why I'm being weird it drives me nuts until I remember that it doesn't fucking matter and it will pass within a few hours usually....
Just a matter of remembering that I don't have to have everything figured out... I don't have to understand everything... and that as much as I crave security - my life has taught me that there are no guarantees... I hate that... I want to relax and not worry.... glad I'm seeing my therapist again soon... should boot up the cognitive therapy while I'm getting off of the meds I guess....
I hate to admit it but I think the prozac may have numbed more than my body... I am actually feeling mood shifts, etc... and it's only been a week since I cut down significantly... Queen Fag said last night that she was feeling better within a month when she got off hers....
So I suppose I should expect a little weirdness from myself while this change is going on... how come it's easy to let other people be human and be tolerant and compassionate but it's so hard to cut myself a break?
Damn... I still have so much to freakin' learn...
I'm doing my best, I swear... I am far from perfect, far from wonderful... but I've come a long way from where I was even two years ago and I suppose I should look at the progress....
Queen Fag has two years sober too on Feb 21... I'm so proud of her... L had a year on Jan 15 and B on Dec 30 or 31... I have to continually remind myself that it's not all about me.... and those girls do it by reminding me that
LIFE IS AS SIMPLE AS I LET IT BE!!!!
So just fucking live it, Crystal... keep doing your best, keep fucking up, keep surprising yourself, keep trying.... and just fucking live it....
****************************************************************************
One hour and eighteen minutes to go....
I mean.. don't get me wrong... I'm fine...
Just been in such a freaking MOOD today! Don't know if it's that dream, or boredom, or worry, or just me being a freak..... I think it's a little of all of the above....
Just admitting to people that I am feeling really anxious and weird has already helped me to feel better... I just start feeling so stupid for feeling weird and it makes everything worse... When I can't explain why I'm being weird it drives me nuts until I remember that it doesn't fucking matter and it will pass within a few hours usually....
Just a matter of remembering that I don't have to have everything figured out... I don't have to understand everything... and that as much as I crave security - my life has taught me that there are no guarantees... I hate that... I want to relax and not worry.... glad I'm seeing my therapist again soon... should boot up the cognitive therapy while I'm getting off of the meds I guess....
I hate to admit it but I think the prozac may have numbed more than my body... I am actually feeling mood shifts, etc... and it's only been a week since I cut down significantly... Queen Fag said last night that she was feeling better within a month when she got off hers....
So I suppose I should expect a little weirdness from myself while this change is going on... how come it's easy to let other people be human and be tolerant and compassionate but it's so hard to cut myself a break?
Damn... I still have so much to freakin' learn...
I'm doing my best, I swear... I am far from perfect, far from wonderful... but I've come a long way from where I was even two years ago and I suppose I should look at the progress....
Queen Fag has two years sober too on Feb 21... I'm so proud of her... L had a year on Jan 15 and B on Dec 30 or 31... I have to continually remind myself that it's not all about me.... and those girls do it by reminding me that
LIFE IS AS SIMPLE AS I LET IT BE!!!!
So just fucking live it, Crystal... keep doing your best, keep fucking up, keep surprising yourself, keep trying.... and just fucking live it....
****************************************************************************
One hour and eighteen minutes to go....