My Life never goes the way it should
And how should it go...... I have no idea but not like this. I miss Texas but I made the choice to move here I dont know what i excpected to find here and so far I have found that no matter were I go I feel alone and lost. I need a job.... so I can pay Jasin back for all he has done then I dont have to feel like shit becuase of it all the time. I hate owing people I feel traped and stuck till I pay that person back for all they have done. I need to get on my feet and save some cash then get the hell outa doge becuase I dont belong here I am a burden and I hate it. Why did I excpect more I dont know.
I am quite and uderly abashed and embaresed by Jasin's last post I feel that it was rude and uncalled for. It was also my first time meeting Cassy to and she is my sister and all. Mabye I did but in but hell I was not aware I was eing rude to be apart of what was going on at the mini party. What was I supposed to do sit down and shut up ...no thats boring :P. I guess I am just clueless but if you want me to do something then mabye yu should tell some one insted of making me play guessing games damit I asked repetadly what the f*** was up. *gets off the soap box*
I am tring to think of something good in my life right now and I dont see anything. My ex fiance keeps calling and leaving text messages bout how he still loves me and wants to get married and wants be to come back to him. He says he is stationd in a more permanit place and we could live on base and everything would get better and I feel like a have no better optios so I am thinking about just doing it even if I dont realy love him anymore. Atleadt he cares so much about me and I could make him happy and have a place to call home. Mabye I could learn to love him again he never did anything wrong I left him not the other way around. Even if I never was truly in love that does not matter I guess in the end I have never been a romantic anyway. It would just make more logical sence. I know I love someone else but at the moment I have no clue how it would work out so going back to Will seams to be a better choice at the moment. I wish i had someone to help me think this out but I dont. Wynie is constantly mad at me I miss my sissy I wish she could be a bit mature and I wish I could care more about her teenage problems but I cant understand her sometimes. I feel like my world and my whole personality is spiraling dwnward. I am usualy able to block feeling and be cold hearted but lately I feel things more and its anoying. I want to go back to not caring and being a bitch.
I am quite and uderly abashed and embaresed by Jasin's last post I feel that it was rude and uncalled for. It was also my first time meeting Cassy to and she is my sister and all. Mabye I did but in but hell I was not aware I was eing rude to be apart of what was going on at the mini party. What was I supposed to do sit down and shut up ...no thats boring :P. I guess I am just clueless but if you want me to do something then mabye yu should tell some one insted of making me play guessing games damit I asked repetadly what the f*** was up. *gets off the soap box*
I am tring to think of something good in my life right now and I dont see anything. My ex fiance keeps calling and leaving text messages bout how he still loves me and wants to get married and wants be to come back to him. He says he is stationd in a more permanit place and we could live on base and everything would get better and I feel like a have no better optios so I am thinking about just doing it even if I dont realy love him anymore. Atleadt he cares so much about me and I could make him happy and have a place to call home. Mabye I could learn to love him again he never did anything wrong I left him not the other way around. Even if I never was truly in love that does not matter I guess in the end I have never been a romantic anyway. It would just make more logical sence. I know I love someone else but at the moment I have no clue how it would work out so going back to Will seams to be a better choice at the moment. I wish i had someone to help me think this out but I dont. Wynie is constantly mad at me I miss my sissy I wish she could be a bit mature and I wish I could care more about her teenage problems but I cant understand her sometimes. I feel like my world and my whole personality is spiraling dwnward. I am usualy able to block feeling and be cold hearted but lately I feel things more and its anoying. I want to go back to not caring and being a bitch.