why do i cry so much :(
Sometimes I feel as if all my effort is not even close to enough. I try and try and do everything I can do to make my mom happy, I try not to talk back, I get home before she dose, I hardly ever go out, I don’t do drugs, have sex, smoke, I don’t drink, I clean the house everyday I never miss a day even when I feel sick. I wash dishes, clean counters, polish the wood, clean the glass, vacuum everyone’s room, do the laundry, clean everyone’s room even my moms, sweep and mop. What more do I have to do to be a good kid. I don’t understand. According to my mom I don’t follow the rules, I don’t know where I go wrong. My mom doesn’t understand me and I guess I don’t understand her. Sometimes my mom can say really hateful words towards me and I try not to cry showing her I am strong but I cant hold it in for so long I guess everything all my sadness builds up inside me that anything will tare me into pieces. I am always home alone my mom is never here never and she leaves me with my little brother, but even though I am sixteen years old I still get scared at times being home alone. I feel like such a horrible person for leaving my brother alone at times even though I was only next door he must have been terrified, but I am not is mother and I am tired of being his mom, I love him dearly but I want to be his sister. My mom goes out every weekend and if my little brother is here and if I want to go out its my job to find him a babysitter or else I don’t go out that sucks right. But my dad always comes to the rescue I love him. And everyone always tells me to just talk to her and tell her how I feel but its not that easy when the person your try to talk to doesn’t care nor understand. My mom I love her to death but sometimes I wonder do I really love her or do I love her because I have to.
And I cant believe I am even writing this telling everyone how I feel whatever. and lately I been sooo sad I sit there and class and do my work and tears roll down my face but quickly I wipe them off hoping no one saw and give a fake smile counting the minutes hours seconds people will notice the sadness behind my smile.
And I cant believe I am even writing this telling everyone how I feel whatever. and lately I been sooo sad I sit there and class and do my work and tears roll down my face but quickly I wipe them off hoping no one saw and give a fake smile counting the minutes hours seconds people will notice the sadness behind my smile.