2005.
I was thinking about doing this under a cut, but might as well not. It's the last fucking day of the year again. Really, I'm just glad December's going to be ending in less than twelve hours. Ick. What a horrible month. Haha.
2005 is coming to an end very soon. The start of a New Year. Beginning everything over again. I remember this time last year, I was heading over to Erica's, trying to figure out what to wear, running into a drunk Rachel, missing the New Year with David. Amazing times, amazing memories, amazing friends. But that's really when it all got started. This year has been the most wonderful year of my life so far. Not only because I've met more unforgetful people than I ever have before, but also because I've grown, and changed, and experienced life to a more full extent than I ever did before. I'm different, I'm changed, I'm older. Before, I used to get caught up in everything that was going on around me, all the little things. Then I realized, after many boys, many conversations, many tears, that there are more important things in the world than just sitting around and worrying about the drama. I fell in love, I fell out of love. I made a best friend, I lost one, too. It's crazy how things end up working out when you really look back on what's happened.
At the beginning of this year, I was just another lost teenager. I was trying to distance myself from friends that I found too dramatic, too warped, too fake. I knew I wanted to change myself, I just didn't know I would this much. I met a boy that I thought I would never, ever find better. I spent most of my time with him, or focused on him. I loved him with all my heart. I had a group of guy friends, who taught me to take risks, to have fun, to let loose. Then, everything changed with them. In losing him to another girl, I lost all of them, because all of a sudden, I somehow wasn't good enough anymore. Or else they just liked him better. I pined away for months over this boy, just to get my heart broken. Until the beginning of the summer, when I admitted to my mother that I had lost the first man I ever fell in love with. She told me we could kill him, if I really wanted to. And, at some points, I did. I've never met a person like him. A person who could seem so real one day, then days later, he's completely different. Completely. I made a promise to myself that I would focus on myself for the summer, then I would focus on school during the school year. I would only look at a guy if I found one that really sparked my interest, that I thought was really, truly different. The summer was great. I got a lot of thinking done, I met a lot of fun people. I had a good time. That was really all that mattered at the time. Christa and I spent my birthday together, which was funfunfun, concerts&famouspeople¬freebirthdaydessert. After my birthday, I really needed to get my life back on track. I got a job 11 days after I turned 16. And that boy sparked my eye 5 days after that. He's the one who really changed everything. I found a guy that I was honestly willing to give up my dreams for, which is more than I could say for lover boy number one. I trust him. I like him. I'm a better person when I'm with him. He's one of my best friends, ever.
I couldn't be more ready to end this year, really. As much as it was an amazing one for me, just because I learned so much and I grew so much. I made a few really good friends, Christa, Jessi, Erica. I met some great guys, who have changed my outlook on the male race one hundred percent. I've grown closer with my parents, only because I've really had to force myself to. My brother and I are the best of friends. I love my job and they really seem to like me there. And I have a wonderful, amazing guy who I don't feel like is going anywhere. Not for awhile anyway. So this year was great. But I'm honestly ready to see what's in store for me next year. What am I going to be thinking this time a year from now? Where am I going to be? I want my car. I want my boy. I want a new job. I want so many things and I'm sure at the moment how I'm going to get everything, but I know I have the capabilities to figure it out. And I also know that I have people who are going to be around, figuring it out with me. Helping me. I couldn't say last year that I was confident to go into 2005 and make it everything I wanted it to be. But now. Now times have changed. As much as everything is so up in the air, and nothing is garunteed at all, I'm ready to see what I'm going to make of it. What's going to happen? And who's still going to be around in the end?
Here's to having a good New Year's Eve. And hoping next year will be everything I hope it to be.
Much, much, much love. &hearts. Lizi.