i'm sorry
Something’s been bothering me lately and I’m not totally sure what it is. I think I know but I am not really willing to delve into it too much because I can guarantee you all that it’s going to hurt, whether it’s me or you, I don’t know, but I know it’s going to hurt. I think I’m going to have to go into it though, if I’m ever going to pull out of this rut and enjoy my last months with all of you. Most of you may know that I am planning on joining the air force in one way or another, either the Academy out in Colorado or ROTC up in Milwaukee. My main option, the one that I’m hoping will happen but also dreading it, is the academy in Colorado. If I go there, I will only be home six weeks out of the year, and that is not enough time to spend with all of you. I used to move around a lot when I was younger, and I never got close to anyone because I didn’t want to move away from them again. Now I’ve been here for a good ten years or so, and I’ve started allowing myself to get close to people. I’ve gotten real close to maybe a half dozen of you and the rest are better friends than I’ve ever had. The people in this area are the nicest I’ve ever met, and in 7 months, I am going to be leaving them all behind. This has been tearing me up inside, knowing that I’m leaving all of you, most of you I’ll never even talk to again. I think what’s the worst of it all is that while I’m still here, when I should be enjoying myself and getting the most out of these friendships that I have, I’ve been a complete ass and haven’t been the friend that I should be. I don’t know if I’m going to change, but I want to. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get myself back up again, but I just wanted to let all of you know that I could never ask for a better group of friends to be with. These last years have been amazing. Don’t hate me for what I’ve become, I’ll snap out of it, I just don’t know when…