(no subject)
I find myself pushing the people I love farther and farther away. I can't help it, its just been happening. Objectively, I can see it as the rather immature way of handling leaving that it is, ie that typical notion that if you hate what you leave behind then you don't have to miss it. But knowing it doesn't stop it. And I'm gonna be gone about a month and a half earlier than I expected, because of CSSSA and the trip with my grandparents, and then I'm more or less off to New York. I don't feel like savoring these last days of high school and trying to care because if I start to care it means I wasted four years. And the people I already care about here...I'm scared because I know that when I come back from CSSSA not a single one of these relationships will be fully intact. I don't like hurting these people but its all I can think of. Its the most natural response right now and I'm perpetually pissed off at everything, and its just so easy to burn bridges when you think its benefiting everyone. I'm trying to be very honest with myself here. If anyone has anything to say, I'd love to hear it.