Thoughts for the day
Hey,
So if you read my journal, you probably know somewhat of what is going on with a person labled 1. Well... i finally got what i wanted, closer. This entry isnt designed to make anyone feel guilty, or to make anyone feel sad for me, its more so just what i think, and nothing is really going to change that. So yeah, i got the answer i was so anxiously awaiting. and much to my displesure it was a negative responce. I'm not upset about that as i might have thought i'd be. Granted, i would have rather heard a difference responce, and it would have probably made me feel a little better than i am now, i understand that like 80% or more of the time, feelings arnt mutual. And if they are, probably about 50% of the time, both interested parties are too shy to admit the feelings. so i guess my email to 1 was me finally not being that shy boy. you know, the one who would talk the talk, but would always wait for things to come his way. Well that wasnt working out for me. So i went out on the limb, took the first step. And it got me....... nowhere. I dont know, i dont want to get all whiney and crap but nothing seems to go the way i want it very often. No matter how hard i seem to try, i always dont get it. almost like the famous saying " Nice guys finish last". I guess im a nice guy by nature, and good things just dont happen to nice guys. And this just dosnt stop at my now near invisable love life, oh no it goes much farther. When i was 14, it was my last year of junior football, the coach was naming the captains. I was never a loud mouth, did what i was told quietly and always performed well, but for some reason always under the radar. I was in my 6th year of play, the kid that got picked over me was a loud mouth, who had only played for 3 years. To a more recent situation. In studio..... A kid who had the exact same amount of years in video as me got picked to the staff over me. We are both seniors. He had produced no good videos. He struggled in the writen work, and failed to produce anything. I on the other hand, had an A ( 97%) produced 3 videos that all got A's. Granted they wernt the best quality of video, but they were shwoings of my development. I missed ONE writen assingment the whole year. I was out sick with mono for a week ( he was out with mono for 3 weeks) and i didnt see the movie. Why would a kid like that be picked to a staff? Becuase he is loud. He crys for attention. Studio is really pissing me off i think more so than anything. I feel that i am th emost underapreciated person in that whole program. And the favoritism torwards certin staff members is unbeliveable. They produce crap and it is hailed like an all mighty king. I wont say that mine is better, but when i show my slop, it gets ripped on, and graded hard. ARRGGH im getting away from the subject at hand. anways....like i was saying. Ive considered changing my nice guy attitude torwards things. But some people like me the way i am........ ya, that explains why they call me right? ( sarcasim)
Hmmmmmmm........ I kind of regret ever even sending out that email. I wish my cousin mary would have wanred me about the whole pushy thing earlier. I kinda wish she was in my life a little more, but shes not so owell. I dont honestly knnow what i was hoping to acheive out of the email. im almost positive i didnt want a relationship. I just did something without thinking i guess. Sometimes i look back and regret alot of stupid descions i made. and over the past two years ive made a ton of them. i really dont think i should have transfered to DHS. it hasnt made me that much happier, i still have pretty much the same few friends as i did before and it just eats up gas money from my family. I could go into detail about other bad descions i made, but that would take me about 2 days to write. Man im so lost in my own thoughts right now its crazy, so hmm, i guess im gonna go away now, i feel like crap right now. so yea peace
- Marcus-
" There are some defeats more triumphant than victories"
So if you read my journal, you probably know somewhat of what is going on with a person labled 1. Well... i finally got what i wanted, closer. This entry isnt designed to make anyone feel guilty, or to make anyone feel sad for me, its more so just what i think, and nothing is really going to change that. So yeah, i got the answer i was so anxiously awaiting. and much to my displesure it was a negative responce. I'm not upset about that as i might have thought i'd be. Granted, i would have rather heard a difference responce, and it would have probably made me feel a little better than i am now, i understand that like 80% or more of the time, feelings arnt mutual. And if they are, probably about 50% of the time, both interested parties are too shy to admit the feelings. so i guess my email to 1 was me finally not being that shy boy. you know, the one who would talk the talk, but would always wait for things to come his way. Well that wasnt working out for me. So i went out on the limb, took the first step. And it got me....... nowhere. I dont know, i dont want to get all whiney and crap but nothing seems to go the way i want it very often. No matter how hard i seem to try, i always dont get it. almost like the famous saying " Nice guys finish last". I guess im a nice guy by nature, and good things just dont happen to nice guys. And this just dosnt stop at my now near invisable love life, oh no it goes much farther. When i was 14, it was my last year of junior football, the coach was naming the captains. I was never a loud mouth, did what i was told quietly and always performed well, but for some reason always under the radar. I was in my 6th year of play, the kid that got picked over me was a loud mouth, who had only played for 3 years. To a more recent situation. In studio..... A kid who had the exact same amount of years in video as me got picked to the staff over me. We are both seniors. He had produced no good videos. He struggled in the writen work, and failed to produce anything. I on the other hand, had an A ( 97%) produced 3 videos that all got A's. Granted they wernt the best quality of video, but they were shwoings of my development. I missed ONE writen assingment the whole year. I was out sick with mono for a week ( he was out with mono for 3 weeks) and i didnt see the movie. Why would a kid like that be picked to a staff? Becuase he is loud. He crys for attention. Studio is really pissing me off i think more so than anything. I feel that i am th emost underapreciated person in that whole program. And the favoritism torwards certin staff members is unbeliveable. They produce crap and it is hailed like an all mighty king. I wont say that mine is better, but when i show my slop, it gets ripped on, and graded hard. ARRGGH im getting away from the subject at hand. anways....like i was saying. Ive considered changing my nice guy attitude torwards things. But some people like me the way i am........ ya, that explains why they call me right? ( sarcasim)
Hmmmmmmm........ I kind of regret ever even sending out that email. I wish my cousin mary would have wanred me about the whole pushy thing earlier. I kinda wish she was in my life a little more, but shes not so owell. I dont honestly knnow what i was hoping to acheive out of the email. im almost positive i didnt want a relationship. I just did something without thinking i guess. Sometimes i look back and regret alot of stupid descions i made. and over the past two years ive made a ton of them. i really dont think i should have transfered to DHS. it hasnt made me that much happier, i still have pretty much the same few friends as i did before and it just eats up gas money from my family. I could go into detail about other bad descions i made, but that would take me about 2 days to write. Man im so lost in my own thoughts right now its crazy, so hmm, i guess im gonna go away now, i feel like crap right now. so yea peace
- Marcus-
" There are some defeats more triumphant than victories"