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Okay, perhaps I spoke too soon. I am definitely overwhelmed. You know how I can tell? I walked into the kitchen just now all set to cook, and there are dirty dishes and other junk on the table. I almost burst into tears. I washed the ones on the sink, still determined to cook and eat something… but I couldn’t do it. I’m back, sitting on our bed and seeking solace in words.
I hate being away from him! I hate it! I want him back and I don’t want to wait until Thursday. Or if I have to wait, oh, please let me hear his voice or get an email or *something*…. I feel so deserted. Lonely…. Bereft. I want my Mark….
Every time Chey barks at someone outside I get this insane hope that it’s him, that somehow he got back into the country days early… and then when I find that it’s not, it’s heart breaking. I was a little nervous about getting my passport so I could go with him to Bali next time, but now, omg, it so pales into comparison to this. I don’t ever want to be away from him for this long again. Ahhhhh…. I’m going insane…. INSANE. I want to cry and scream and shout and curl into a ball in the corner and whimper. I want to go for a walk, but I want to stay here surrounded by his things. I want, I want… I don’t know! I’m all wound up and confused and it’s freaking me out and I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
Ahhh, the phone just rang and I leapt up to run inside to answer it. That is SO freakin’ out of character for me, by the way. I only ever EVER do that if I’m expecting a call form him. Even if I don’t know it’s him for sure, if there’s a chance, I’ll take it. I tell you, everything else pales when compared to missing my Love. Gary ended up picking it up, and when he said, “It’s for you, Lee” my heart leapt into my throat and I picked it up and… it was my boss. Great. Wonderful. Yeah. HEART BREAKING.
I feel like I should feel kind of pathetic about this but I really don’t, just because it’s so very real and so very intense. Perhaps I’ll feel pathetic later…. I don’t think so. A little sheepish perhaps, if he thinks I’m a little overboard… but imagine he misses me quite insanely too.
That is, of course, assuming he’s still alive. My overactive imagination is in hyper drive imagining all the dire straits he could have fallen into… some sign to let me know he got there okay would be nice… would be wonderful actually…. Omg, I miss him…. I know, I know, a little repetitive… I keep getting a hold of myself and saying, “hey you can do this, it’s all right” and for a little moment I’m okayuntil I remember that I won’t be able to see him until THURSDAY NIGHT. Did I mention that is TWO WHOLE DAYS away from now?!! And I want hom nowwwww… not in two days. Now now now now NOW. Ugh. This is horrible. And so so out of character for me. I’m really really not prone to missing people. I’m really not. Usually I relish the break, and in fact, I have relished small breaks from Mark in the past months… if I have to house to myself for 30 minutes or so and I can get some stuff of my own done… that’s good. Anything over 30 minutes starts to feel a little strange… when it hits an hour I get really antsy… I’m constantly clock watching from there on, wanting to see him again. TWO DAYS IS WAY TOO LONG. Just for the record. FOUR is just insane. *I* am going insane. Insane insane insane. AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHkK!!!!
I hate being away from him! I hate it! I want him back and I don’t want to wait until Thursday. Or if I have to wait, oh, please let me hear his voice or get an email or *something*…. I feel so deserted. Lonely…. Bereft. I want my Mark….
Every time Chey barks at someone outside I get this insane hope that it’s him, that somehow he got back into the country days early… and then when I find that it’s not, it’s heart breaking. I was a little nervous about getting my passport so I could go with him to Bali next time, but now, omg, it so pales into comparison to this. I don’t ever want to be away from him for this long again. Ahhhhh…. I’m going insane…. INSANE. I want to cry and scream and shout and curl into a ball in the corner and whimper. I want to go for a walk, but I want to stay here surrounded by his things. I want, I want… I don’t know! I’m all wound up and confused and it’s freaking me out and I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
Ahhh, the phone just rang and I leapt up to run inside to answer it. That is SO freakin’ out of character for me, by the way. I only ever EVER do that if I’m expecting a call form him. Even if I don’t know it’s him for sure, if there’s a chance, I’ll take it. I tell you, everything else pales when compared to missing my Love. Gary ended up picking it up, and when he said, “It’s for you, Lee” my heart leapt into my throat and I picked it up and… it was my boss. Great. Wonderful. Yeah. HEART BREAKING.
I feel like I should feel kind of pathetic about this but I really don’t, just because it’s so very real and so very intense. Perhaps I’ll feel pathetic later…. I don’t think so. A little sheepish perhaps, if he thinks I’m a little overboard… but imagine he misses me quite insanely too.
That is, of course, assuming he’s still alive. My overactive imagination is in hyper drive imagining all the dire straits he could have fallen into… some sign to let me know he got there okay would be nice… would be wonderful actually…. Omg, I miss him…. I know, I know, a little repetitive… I keep getting a hold of myself and saying, “hey you can do this, it’s all right” and for a little moment I’m okayuntil I remember that I won’t be able to see him until THURSDAY NIGHT. Did I mention that is TWO WHOLE DAYS away from now?!! And I want hom nowwwww… not in two days. Now now now now NOW. Ugh. This is horrible. And so so out of character for me. I’m really really not prone to missing people. I’m really not. Usually I relish the break, and in fact, I have relished small breaks from Mark in the past months… if I have to house to myself for 30 minutes or so and I can get some stuff of my own done… that’s good. Anything over 30 minutes starts to feel a little strange… when it hits an hour I get really antsy… I’m constantly clock watching from there on, wanting to see him again. TWO DAYS IS WAY TOO LONG. Just for the record. FOUR is just insane. *I* am going insane. Insane insane insane. AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHkK!!!!