the true and constant question is will I ever really change?

[alone_and_hated]

I am sick
I hate who I am
I hate most of all who Ive been
I hate that I never saw what was always there
I hate what Ive missed because of that
I hate that I have nothing to say
I hate that I have no one to say it to
I hate that I didn't try harder
I hate myself for making excuses
and at the end what am I left with????
please tell me anger and hate?
This is not my life this is not who I am
I am blessed but...
All you had you wasted

Fuck I sound exactly like what I'm running away from

Also Grandpa why was I always to busy for you
What was I thinking
All I do is take from the only people I really ever had?have
I dont get to feel bad when now they are to busy for me