(no subject)
I've had a REALLLY hard last few days for no real reason
I've just been frusterated and confused in general
Kristin has had to take the car all week so I havent had a chance to get online or do anything
Even work on my homework
Because Jessica and Sian havent given her a ride all week
I'm tired of the sistuation in gneral not nessicarlly them
its just not working for us
We arent getting what we need to get for the money we pay
Sian uses the living room as his bed room while Jessica gets the masterbed room
our land lords wont call us back or fix anything they wont even put in screens
a month ago they threw the screens in our yard thats the last thing theyve done period
NOTHING works
And they DONT care at all
We are putting to much into this and giving up to much to not get SHITTT
I'm done
The other night I though I was going to lose my mind
I was just so sad and I felt so bad and I feel so lost
I dont know where to go from here with my work, my friends, my personal life ANYTHING
I left everyone and went upstairs and cried for 2 hours I just felt so bad
I ended up frusterating Kristin to the point we got into a fight well thats how it was to her
I just shut down
I ended up physically ill
We had a big meeting at work the other night
I dont know why but it made me feel slightly better and slightly worse
I just have so much guilt and frusteration
I am so confused about what I want to do
I feel like I cant consistantly be the teacher I want to be and know I can be and that kills me and I feel so gilty
I feel like I have caused a lot of the problems that are going on right now with my kids even if I shouldnt
I just feel like I messed them up and I am so scared of breaking them I guess
and I know I am unstable and not fully in the world of fuctioning adults and respectable educaters and Im ok with that mostly
But I feel like maybe I should step back if thats not the complete path I am going to take
I just have so much guilt
Because of things Ive done and things that are and because of things that have happened to me
I just dont know if I can live with the guilt like this
I need to get it together or leave
and thats a hard thing for me to except and a hard thing to time
besides I feel guilty for not making enough money
I should be able to support myself better and I cant completly not where we are living now I have to rely on Kristin to support us
and that us so hard for me I couldnt even trust my parents to do that even though thats all they ever tried to do
I've just been frusterated and confused in general
Kristin has had to take the car all week so I havent had a chance to get online or do anything
Even work on my homework
Because Jessica and Sian havent given her a ride all week
I'm tired of the sistuation in gneral not nessicarlly them
its just not working for us
We arent getting what we need to get for the money we pay
Sian uses the living room as his bed room while Jessica gets the masterbed room
our land lords wont call us back or fix anything they wont even put in screens
a month ago they threw the screens in our yard thats the last thing theyve done period
NOTHING works
And they DONT care at all
We are putting to much into this and giving up to much to not get SHITTT
I'm done
The other night I though I was going to lose my mind
I was just so sad and I felt so bad and I feel so lost
I dont know where to go from here with my work, my friends, my personal life ANYTHING
I left everyone and went upstairs and cried for 2 hours I just felt so bad
I ended up frusterating Kristin to the point we got into a fight well thats how it was to her
I just shut down
I ended up physically ill
We had a big meeting at work the other night
I dont know why but it made me feel slightly better and slightly worse
I just have so much guilt and frusteration
I am so confused about what I want to do
I feel like I cant consistantly be the teacher I want to be and know I can be and that kills me and I feel so gilty
I feel like I have caused a lot of the problems that are going on right now with my kids even if I shouldnt
I just feel like I messed them up and I am so scared of breaking them I guess
and I know I am unstable and not fully in the world of fuctioning adults and respectable educaters and Im ok with that mostly
But I feel like maybe I should step back if thats not the complete path I am going to take
I just have so much guilt
Because of things Ive done and things that are and because of things that have happened to me
I just dont know if I can live with the guilt like this
I need to get it together or leave
and thats a hard thing for me to except and a hard thing to time
besides I feel guilty for not making enough money
I should be able to support myself better and I cant completly not where we are living now I have to rely on Kristin to support us
and that us so hard for me I couldnt even trust my parents to do that even though thats all they ever tried to do