I thought this was weeks away
I know you are all as shocked and angry and frustrated as I am.
I feel extra frustration, and I know I shouldn't, because it's my own fault. I'm not frustrated by my feelings, really, more like I'm frustrated that I can't manage to express them the way I'd like to. I can't just tell him I love him. I can say that to friends like Janay and Jessica and Judd and Bo. But not to him. Because if I said it to him, it would be different than saying it to anyone else. It would mean something different, really different.
And YOU, don't you dare feel bad about making me feel this way, because I wouldn't trade these feelings for anything. I'm happy to be able to feel this way, to know what it's like, and I'm happy that you care so much about me and that we're such good friends. I'm only frustrated because I just haven't been able to tell you to your face and I had to resort to this.
Part of what helps me be happy about it, happy to just be able to feel like this, is seeing tangible evidence of the deep love that two of my friends have for each other. Seeing how happy and in love they are gives me hope that maybe I'll have that someday, too. In the meantime, I know what it's like to love, and to be cared about an awful lot.
I feel extra frustration, and I know I shouldn't, because it's my own fault. I'm not frustrated by my feelings, really, more like I'm frustrated that I can't manage to express them the way I'd like to. I can't just tell him I love him. I can say that to friends like Janay and Jessica and Judd and Bo. But not to him. Because if I said it to him, it would be different than saying it to anyone else. It would mean something different, really different.
And YOU, don't you dare feel bad about making me feel this way, because I wouldn't trade these feelings for anything. I'm happy to be able to feel this way, to know what it's like, and I'm happy that you care so much about me and that we're such good friends. I'm only frustrated because I just haven't been able to tell you to your face and I had to resort to this.
Part of what helps me be happy about it, happy to just be able to feel like this, is seeing tangible evidence of the deep love that two of my friends have for each other. Seeing how happy and in love they are gives me hope that maybe I'll have that someday, too. In the meantime, I know what it's like to love, and to be cared about an awful lot.