The Daily Fail Mail Dictionary This is what is commonly known as win. Per example:
Facebook: Electronic devil-worshipping cult. Causes cancer, obesity and murder. All social networks are evil and full of paedophiles and German murderers. Responsible for 99.9% of teenage pregnancies and crime in Middle England.
History: Before socialist indoctrination through our teaching colleges, history lessons consisted of the learning of some 14,000 separate dates along with the transmission of much important information about the British Empire to generations of eager students. Nowadays it has been replaced by discussions on slavery and GCSE coursework asking teenagers to write essays about 'Do you think Anne Frank got really bored being stuck in that Attic with no iPod?'
Wheelie bins: Secret surveillance devices imposed on normally law-abiding citizens by local council jobsworths.
Suddenly the Daily Mail website makes so much more sense...
(PS Anyone who might read this and also be a UK citizen, over the age of 18 and not officially sectioned/incompetent/in prison convicted of a serious offence: remember to vote tomorrow! Ideally for the nice yellow folk, but really anyone other than the BNP and UKIP would be good.)