TL;DR
While everybody is gone I should explain what the dilliyo is happening around here and why I haven't been as active lately. And you, the anonymous interneting public are the only people I can tell; you'll see why soon.
You should know the history between Dave and I so I won't repeat it. Yesterday after mom made her daily noon call to me and I went to get a drink, as I made my way back to my room, Dave blocked my way, looking at me with all seriousness and said "Come here." Pa wasn't home, so all he was wearing was little green boxer shorts. He thinks we all want to see his dick or something; he never closes the door when he pisses and the bathroom door is right next to my room. So I think to myself great, what is he going to take away from me now. So I follow him to his room and he shuts his door and he does what I expected: made a hypocrite of himself listing all the stuff I do wrong that he also does. Talking about how horrible and lazy and selfish and worthless I am, you know, nice stuff. How it's my fault he's growing pot plants illegally and how much it hurt him I destroyed his whole life's work, and if he ever gets caught (which he never will, despite what his paranoid ass thinks) we'll all get in trouble and everything is my my my my my my fault, never his fault because he's a fucking saint. All the while grabbing my neck so I had to look him in the eye and wishing he could punch me through a wall. But shortly after, he's be stroking my cheek saying "bad, bad, very bad."
By this point I'm nervous as fuck and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I had a stomach ache when I woke up so this just made it all the worse. I was sweating and he knew I wasn't lying, that I might actually get sick. So he pretty much made me lay on the bed and he rubbed my stomach, saying "what am I going to do with you." I wish I was making this crap up. And he said to tell mom NOTHING or he just might punch me through a wall.
His point was this: get a job, get your GED, start driving or I'm kicking you out of the house. He honestly thinks I like sitting around all day doing nothing! And doesn't know why I'm depressed!
I IMed Catherine asking her the next time she'd visiting her family here in the area. Being the great person she is, she offered a place for me to stay and I said I'd think about it. Needless to say, the time for thinking is over. I have to go. I can't live here anymore. As long as Dave is here nothing will change. So I have to change. I HATE HATE leaving my cats behind, but... I want to be happy for once in my life. Happiness is not here: it's not with mom, it's not with Dave, it's not in this house, in this town, in this county. I told mom I'm very much certain I'm going to be leaving.
"Not permanently, I hope."
Damnit, I knew you were going to do this to me. As long as she stays here, I cannot come back. I refuse. If I come back the cycle of aggravation and depression and worthlessness will continue. She's only looked out for her well being her whole life, putting me on the backburner. I'm tired of the guilt trips. Mom has a way out and has for years, but mom got herself tragically wrapped up in a web of lies. 10 years of lies. She's too fucking chicken to tell the truth to my grandmother, the person she's been lying to. Grandma would help us in a heartbeat, but mom would have to tell the truth. She refuses to do it, so I'm suffering for her mistakes and her lies. No more. When I leave with Catherine I don't intend on coming back. Well, maybe not. If all goes well and I can get my own place, I'm picking up the cats. My babies deserve better.
I'm on myspace and twitter if you need to contact me easily or need more information. They're best for quick updates, which is all I can do since Dave monitors my computer use.
http://www.facebook.com/danielle.stufano
http://twitter.com/Alnora
PS. She is my often-mentioned cousin. :D
You should know the history between Dave and I so I won't repeat it. Yesterday after mom made her daily noon call to me and I went to get a drink, as I made my way back to my room, Dave blocked my way, looking at me with all seriousness and said "Come here." Pa wasn't home, so all he was wearing was little green boxer shorts. He thinks we all want to see his dick or something; he never closes the door when he pisses and the bathroom door is right next to my room. So I think to myself great, what is he going to take away from me now. So I follow him to his room and he shuts his door and he does what I expected: made a hypocrite of himself listing all the stuff I do wrong that he also does. Talking about how horrible and lazy and selfish and worthless I am, you know, nice stuff. How it's my fault he's growing pot plants illegally and how much it hurt him I destroyed his whole life's work, and if he ever gets caught (which he never will, despite what his paranoid ass thinks) we'll all get in trouble and everything is my my my my my my fault, never his fault because he's a fucking saint. All the while grabbing my neck so I had to look him in the eye and wishing he could punch me through a wall. But shortly after, he's be stroking my cheek saying "bad, bad, very bad."
By this point I'm nervous as fuck and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I had a stomach ache when I woke up so this just made it all the worse. I was sweating and he knew I wasn't lying, that I might actually get sick. So he pretty much made me lay on the bed and he rubbed my stomach, saying "what am I going to do with you." I wish I was making this crap up. And he said to tell mom NOTHING or he just might punch me through a wall.
His point was this: get a job, get your GED, start driving or I'm kicking you out of the house. He honestly thinks I like sitting around all day doing nothing! And doesn't know why I'm depressed!
I IMed Catherine asking her the next time she'd visiting her family here in the area. Being the great person she is, she offered a place for me to stay and I said I'd think about it. Needless to say, the time for thinking is over. I have to go. I can't live here anymore. As long as Dave is here nothing will change. So I have to change. I HATE HATE leaving my cats behind, but... I want to be happy for once in my life. Happiness is not here: it's not with mom, it's not with Dave, it's not in this house, in this town, in this county. I told mom I'm very much certain I'm going to be leaving.
"Not permanently, I hope."
Damnit, I knew you were going to do this to me. As long as she stays here, I cannot come back. I refuse. If I come back the cycle of aggravation and depression and worthlessness will continue. She's only looked out for her well being her whole life, putting me on the backburner. I'm tired of the guilt trips. Mom has a way out and has for years, but mom got herself tragically wrapped up in a web of lies. 10 years of lies. She's too fucking chicken to tell the truth to my grandmother, the person she's been lying to. Grandma would help us in a heartbeat, but mom would have to tell the truth. She refuses to do it, so I'm suffering for her mistakes and her lies. No more. When I leave with Catherine I don't intend on coming back. Well, maybe not. If all goes well and I can get my own place, I'm picking up the cats. My babies deserve better.
I'm on myspace and twitter if you need to contact me easily or need more information. They're best for quick updates, which is all I can do since Dave monitors my computer use.
http://www.facebook.com/danielle.stufano
http://twitter.com/Alnora
PS. She is my often-mentioned cousin. :D