Nauseatingly sentimental. Fair warning.
Its 2008.
Thankfully, this year is starting on a far better note than last year. If I remember correctly (as if I could forget), I spent last New Year's Eve alone, on the tiny loveseat in my empty, cold apartment, eating takeout Chinese food that I couldn't taste, watching movies I couldn't concentrate on, and crying myself to sleep, because earlier that same day, I had finally admitted to myself what a train-wreck I was turning into and I had decided that the first step towards redemption was to break it off with Haskell-- which, as is well-documented, left me in shambles.
I wish I could say that it all got better after that. I wish I could say that I stopped drinking to excess all-too-regularly, or that I had sworn off getting involved in fleeting, unwise, unhealthy trysts with unsavory men. Alas, I cannot. The first 5 1/2 months of 2007 continued on the same irresponsible and wreckless path as the last 8 months of 2006 had.
And, then May came.
May 9th, 2007 was an unseasonably warm Wednesday. I got home from school after a long and stressful day, and decided to take advantage of the mild weather. I put on a brand-new strapless sundress, grabbed my iPod, and headed down Wickenden street for a stroll. About 2/3rds of the way down, I ran into Tom who was also out for a walk with Joe Vacca, and an unknown third whose face looked vaguely familiar, but who I had never met. I was introduced to Kyle without much ado or fanfare. They told me they were walking to India Point Park and invited me along. I declined, citing an overwhelming need for some coffee, but offered a tentative rendezvous there once I had retrieved said coffee. We parted ways, and I was off to Coffee Exchange, where I had an uncomfortable conversation with the jerk I had dated there a month earlier.
Initially, I hadn't really had any intentions of following through on the potential meet up with the boys. But, I walked for a long time, and for some reason, the entire length of the trip, I felt a strange compulsion to find them. So....I did.
I went to the park, and was surprised to find them still there, as I'd been walking for nearly an hour. They were playing on the playground, like little kids. Tom and I chatted, and he urged me to come to what was quickly becoming our weekly trivia night later that evening at McFadden's. I told him I couldn't, because I had plans to watch LOST with my other friends. Kyle was quiet, except for when he gallantly offered to give up his rope-swing to me, as he had grand plans to give the slide a whirl. I found this utterly adorable, and thus, gave him the typical first-introduction interview/grilling. While he didn't say anything dazzling or highly intellectual, I found myself totally intrigued.
Tom was persistent about trivia, and finally I gave in. I looked to Kyle, and said: "What do you know about sports?" He told me he knew alot, so I invited him to join us at trivia, as our "regular" sports expert wouldn't be there that night. He said, "Maybe," and it was left at that as we all began the walk back from the park. It was decided that Tom would pick me up for trivia a few hours later.
I was surprised to find Kyle in the car when I got into it. Throughout the night, he began opening up, and I caught glimpses of his unusual sense of humor. I had a few drinks, and when Tom dropped me off, I immediately sent him a text message telling him how adorable I thought Kyle was. Tom responded that Kyle had asked about me too, and so I gave Tom permission to give him my phone number.
After the long string of shitty men I'd been involved with in the weeks leading up to meeting Kyle, I put very little stock into any of it, until 24 hours later, Kyle called to ask if I'd like to go out sometime.
The rest, I guess, is history.
Every day, I am amazed by how unbelievably compatible we are. How, despite the countless superficial differences, and all of the ways he is not "my type," we are absolutely perfect for each other. I am so madly, deeply, passionately in love with him. There is never any discomfort or apprehension. There is no anxiety or second-guessing. There is just peace.
I recall vividly a post that I wrote relatively early into my relationship with Dave, about how terrified I was of the direction my life was taking. I remember using expressions like: "digging my heels in," and "terminal velocity." While I loved Dave, and while he loved me unconditionally, and would have given me the world and more, spending the rest of my life with him petrified me. Marrying Dave, to me, equalled the end of my youth. I also remember penning the phrase, "settling down just feels like settling."
A couple of months ago after the two of us had spent some time with him, I said to Kristine (to both her surprise and mine): "If Kyle asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd say yes." And, while it was a spontaneous outburst, I meant it. And I still do. Spending the rest of my life with Kyle doesn't feel like an end of anything. It feels like a beginning that I look forward to with no trepidation.
While I feel slightly guilty constantly comparing him with Dave, it is really the only logical reference point I have. Initially with Kyle, I expected him to behave more like Dave, in that I was constantly showered with compliments and endearments and professions of love. It took time for me to realize that just because he doesn't verbally praise me on a regular basis, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. The best example I can think of happened just yesterday. We were lying on the couch, acting silly, and I said something like, "What's a guy like you doing with a girl like me?" And his response was so completely simple, and so completely innocent, and so completely Kyle. He said: "Because...you're awesome." He didn't need to give me a list of all my great qualities, or all the ways he adores me. That one statement said it all.
Which...is pretty awesome.
Thankfully, this year is starting on a far better note than last year. If I remember correctly (as if I could forget), I spent last New Year's Eve alone, on the tiny loveseat in my empty, cold apartment, eating takeout Chinese food that I couldn't taste, watching movies I couldn't concentrate on, and crying myself to sleep, because earlier that same day, I had finally admitted to myself what a train-wreck I was turning into and I had decided that the first step towards redemption was to break it off with Haskell-- which, as is well-documented, left me in shambles.
I wish I could say that it all got better after that. I wish I could say that I stopped drinking to excess all-too-regularly, or that I had sworn off getting involved in fleeting, unwise, unhealthy trysts with unsavory men. Alas, I cannot. The first 5 1/2 months of 2007 continued on the same irresponsible and wreckless path as the last 8 months of 2006 had.
And, then May came.
May 9th, 2007 was an unseasonably warm Wednesday. I got home from school after a long and stressful day, and decided to take advantage of the mild weather. I put on a brand-new strapless sundress, grabbed my iPod, and headed down Wickenden street for a stroll. About 2/3rds of the way down, I ran into Tom who was also out for a walk with Joe Vacca, and an unknown third whose face looked vaguely familiar, but who I had never met. I was introduced to Kyle without much ado or fanfare. They told me they were walking to India Point Park and invited me along. I declined, citing an overwhelming need for some coffee, but offered a tentative rendezvous there once I had retrieved said coffee. We parted ways, and I was off to Coffee Exchange, where I had an uncomfortable conversation with the jerk I had dated there a month earlier.
Initially, I hadn't really had any intentions of following through on the potential meet up with the boys. But, I walked for a long time, and for some reason, the entire length of the trip, I felt a strange compulsion to find them. So....I did.
I went to the park, and was surprised to find them still there, as I'd been walking for nearly an hour. They were playing on the playground, like little kids. Tom and I chatted, and he urged me to come to what was quickly becoming our weekly trivia night later that evening at McFadden's. I told him I couldn't, because I had plans to watch LOST with my other friends. Kyle was quiet, except for when he gallantly offered to give up his rope-swing to me, as he had grand plans to give the slide a whirl. I found this utterly adorable, and thus, gave him the typical first-introduction interview/grilling. While he didn't say anything dazzling or highly intellectual, I found myself totally intrigued.
Tom was persistent about trivia, and finally I gave in. I looked to Kyle, and said: "What do you know about sports?" He told me he knew alot, so I invited him to join us at trivia, as our "regular" sports expert wouldn't be there that night. He said, "Maybe," and it was left at that as we all began the walk back from the park. It was decided that Tom would pick me up for trivia a few hours later.
I was surprised to find Kyle in the car when I got into it. Throughout the night, he began opening up, and I caught glimpses of his unusual sense of humor. I had a few drinks, and when Tom dropped me off, I immediately sent him a text message telling him how adorable I thought Kyle was. Tom responded that Kyle had asked about me too, and so I gave Tom permission to give him my phone number.
After the long string of shitty men I'd been involved with in the weeks leading up to meeting Kyle, I put very little stock into any of it, until 24 hours later, Kyle called to ask if I'd like to go out sometime.
The rest, I guess, is history.
Every day, I am amazed by how unbelievably compatible we are. How, despite the countless superficial differences, and all of the ways he is not "my type," we are absolutely perfect for each other. I am so madly, deeply, passionately in love with him. There is never any discomfort or apprehension. There is no anxiety or second-guessing. There is just peace.
I recall vividly a post that I wrote relatively early into my relationship with Dave, about how terrified I was of the direction my life was taking. I remember using expressions like: "digging my heels in," and "terminal velocity." While I loved Dave, and while he loved me unconditionally, and would have given me the world and more, spending the rest of my life with him petrified me. Marrying Dave, to me, equalled the end of my youth. I also remember penning the phrase, "settling down just feels like settling."
A couple of months ago after the two of us had spent some time with him, I said to Kristine (to both her surprise and mine): "If Kyle asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd say yes." And, while it was a spontaneous outburst, I meant it. And I still do. Spending the rest of my life with Kyle doesn't feel like an end of anything. It feels like a beginning that I look forward to with no trepidation.
While I feel slightly guilty constantly comparing him with Dave, it is really the only logical reference point I have. Initially with Kyle, I expected him to behave more like Dave, in that I was constantly showered with compliments and endearments and professions of love. It took time for me to realize that just because he doesn't verbally praise me on a regular basis, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. The best example I can think of happened just yesterday. We were lying on the couch, acting silly, and I said something like, "What's a guy like you doing with a girl like me?" And his response was so completely simple, and so completely innocent, and so completely Kyle. He said: "Because...you're awesome." He didn't need to give me a list of all my great qualities, or all the ways he adores me. That one statement said it all.
Which...is pretty awesome.