097.
very old; originally posted at fandom_mule
-
It's a week before their Goodbye Stage on Music Bank.
At this point in time, they've gone through thousands of stages, sung thousands upon thousands of songs and worn hundreds of different outfits with buckles at the shoulders and zippers across their kidney. Enough's enough, Heechul thinks, and he's right.
"We've made a decision to put you on infinite hiatus," their manager words carefully, and his hands are in his pocket, gaze somewhere far away.
"Infinite hiatus," Jungsu repeats, and Heechul can see his hand groping for someone not there, and he takes it, squeezes it lightly.
"So we're breaking up," Hyukjae says, his eyes hard, and he's come far from the boy who used to weep at Titanic. His hand is still tangled with Donghae's, though, and Donghae looks at the ground, thoughtful, almost.
"We're prefer not to use those words..." their manager says, and Heechul wants to say fuck you, just say it outright, we can take it.
"So this is the end of Super Junior," Kyuhyun says, and Ryeowook finds his hand, and their knuckles turn white. Ryeowook's blinking, eyes bright with unshed tears and Jongwoon grabs his other hand.
"End of an era," Sungmin muses, and Heechul finds himself nodding.
"Really the end," Donghee says, his engagement ring bright on his finger, and Heechul looks at it. Donghee has a life after this, but -- and he looks at Kyuhyun, Ryeowook -- some of them don't.
"Huh," someone says, some anonymous voice, and Heechul realises its his own.
So this is the end, he thinks. This is the end of hours of dance practice and singing words to songs he doesn't believe in (true love? Oh what is that?) It's the end to being blinded by stage lights and to grinning and bearing it on stage.
It's the end to being in the limelight and hearing an audience of thousands scream his name as he raises his arms, kisses another boy or takes a final bow. It's the end of shedding tears on stage and no one judging him.
Jungsu's crying now, quiet tears that no one notices except Heechul. Jungsu clutches his hand hard, and Heechul can feel the bones of his fingers, his palm as Jungsu breathes heavily and wipes his other hand across his eyes discreetly.
"No more Super Junior, no more Trot or Happy..."
No one mentions Super Junior M, and for that, Heechul's glad, eyes glazed over and teeth clenched.
"Your Goodbye Stage on Inkigayo will be your last," the manager says as Donghae buries his head into Hyukjae's shoulder, and Sungmin hugs Hyukjae's waist.
He leaves, the manager, quietly, and Shindong has an arm around Siwon's waist, Siwon eyeing Heechul carefully.
"Hyung?" he dares, and Kyuhyun raises his head as he sniffs loudly, and Yesung raises his wrist to dry Ryeowook's eyes with his sleeve.
"We'll still be Super Junior," Heechul echoes hollowly, remembering the words uttered by someone else months ago. "We're still brothers, still together. This doesn't change anything."
Jungsu's grip turns impossibly tighter, and Heechul flinches, his throat dry.
"Doesn't change anything at all," Donghae mumbles into Hyukjae's shirt, and Hyukjae can feel his shirt getting wet, his own tears being prompted.
Soon, Heechul notices that Sungmin's eyes are wet around the edges, though he doesn't cry, and Ryeowook's sobbing quietly. Jongwoon's crying too, and both Siwon and Donghee are looking downcast, eyes wet.
Heechul looks around, seeing his band, his family so, so sad, and feels guilty, wonders why he isn't feeling like his chest is being ripped open, ribs cracked into pieces and heart on the floor. But he does remember months ago, when someone had whispered that he still has all of them, caring for him and worried.
He wonders if this is what losing a child is like, and he finally cries.
-
It's a week before their Goodbye Stage on Music Bank.
At this point in time, they've gone through thousands of stages, sung thousands upon thousands of songs and worn hundreds of different outfits with buckles at the shoulders and zippers across their kidney. Enough's enough, Heechul thinks, and he's right.
"We've made a decision to put you on infinite hiatus," their manager words carefully, and his hands are in his pocket, gaze somewhere far away.
"Infinite hiatus," Jungsu repeats, and Heechul can see his hand groping for someone not there, and he takes it, squeezes it lightly.
"So we're breaking up," Hyukjae says, his eyes hard, and he's come far from the boy who used to weep at Titanic. His hand is still tangled with Donghae's, though, and Donghae looks at the ground, thoughtful, almost.
"We're prefer not to use those words..." their manager says, and Heechul wants to say fuck you, just say it outright, we can take it.
"So this is the end of Super Junior," Kyuhyun says, and Ryeowook finds his hand, and their knuckles turn white. Ryeowook's blinking, eyes bright with unshed tears and Jongwoon grabs his other hand.
"End of an era," Sungmin muses, and Heechul finds himself nodding.
"Really the end," Donghee says, his engagement ring bright on his finger, and Heechul looks at it. Donghee has a life after this, but -- and he looks at Kyuhyun, Ryeowook -- some of them don't.
"Huh," someone says, some anonymous voice, and Heechul realises its his own.
So this is the end, he thinks. This is the end of hours of dance practice and singing words to songs he doesn't believe in (true love? Oh what is that?) It's the end to being blinded by stage lights and to grinning and bearing it on stage.
It's the end to being in the limelight and hearing an audience of thousands scream his name as he raises his arms, kisses another boy or takes a final bow. It's the end of shedding tears on stage and no one judging him.
Jungsu's crying now, quiet tears that no one notices except Heechul. Jungsu clutches his hand hard, and Heechul can feel the bones of his fingers, his palm as Jungsu breathes heavily and wipes his other hand across his eyes discreetly.
"No more Super Junior, no more Trot or Happy..."
No one mentions Super Junior M, and for that, Heechul's glad, eyes glazed over and teeth clenched.
"Your Goodbye Stage on Inkigayo will be your last," the manager says as Donghae buries his head into Hyukjae's shoulder, and Sungmin hugs Hyukjae's waist.
He leaves, the manager, quietly, and Shindong has an arm around Siwon's waist, Siwon eyeing Heechul carefully.
"Hyung?" he dares, and Kyuhyun raises his head as he sniffs loudly, and Yesung raises his wrist to dry Ryeowook's eyes with his sleeve.
"We'll still be Super Junior," Heechul echoes hollowly, remembering the words uttered by someone else months ago. "We're still brothers, still together. This doesn't change anything."
Jungsu's grip turns impossibly tighter, and Heechul flinches, his throat dry.
"Doesn't change anything at all," Donghae mumbles into Hyukjae's shirt, and Hyukjae can feel his shirt getting wet, his own tears being prompted.
Soon, Heechul notices that Sungmin's eyes are wet around the edges, though he doesn't cry, and Ryeowook's sobbing quietly. Jongwoon's crying too, and both Siwon and Donghee are looking downcast, eyes wet.
Heechul looks around, seeing his band, his family so, so sad, and feels guilty, wonders why he isn't feeling like his chest is being ripped open, ribs cracked into pieces and heart on the floor. But he does remember months ago, when someone had whispered that he still has all of them, caring for him and worried.
He wonders if this is what losing a child is like, and he finally cries.