066.
It all starts deceptively innocently.
“Donghwa? Hey, what’s up?”
Hyukjae has a smile on his face, twirling a pen as he works out what he can talk about with tomorrow’s guests. SHINee’s getting old now but they’re still big, and it’d be nice to see Minho again.
His pen clatters to the floor almost dramatically, and his eyes widen.
“No, are you serious? But, but he was fine just last week. We just talked last week, no you can’t be serious--“
A silence all around him, silence pressing in on him and he draws his jacket closer, huddling a bit more. He takes his glasses off, rubs the bridge of his nose. He can feel his eyes getting moist, but it must be because he’s been awake for almost twenty-four hours now.
“Really?” The word’s hushed and the tears are dripping almost lightly on to the sheet, now smudged.
It’s never felt so quiet.
Kyuhyun wakes up and drags himself out of bed, propping himself up to his laptop. It’s almost completely charged. He unplugs it and drags it back to his bed.
There’s a new email from Zhou Mi and about ten offline messages.
- kui xian, stop being so lazy! ^o^
today i’m off to record my new single, it’s got zhang li yin in it! d(^_^)b
don’t let the beautiful day go to waste~ i heard the weather’s nice today in seoul so go outside! don’t stay cooped up or you’ll get pasty. <.<
i’ll be online tonight so if you go out, come back in time so we can talk!
gentleman mimi
^_~ remember that?
- Kyuhyun (12:31 PM):
speak in korean if you’re speaking to a korean. -_-
when are you coming to seoul next? pack warm, it’s getting colder.
“Mum,” he whispers.
She blinks at him and puts down her tea cup, careful, and dabs at her lips.
“She’s a nice girl, I don’t see why you can’t date her.”
He blanches and stuffs a chicken foot in his mouth. Ninja, he uses his left hand to text a desperate plea.
- you’re in china right? right? are you near Mudanjiang?
- uh, where? you know i can’t read chinese that well yet.
- MY HOMETOWN. YOU KNOW, THE RESTAURANT DOWN THE STREET? YUMCHA? CHICKEN FEET?
- oh, those were good. sure, i’ll be there in fifteen.
- days. sucked in loser, suck it in and treat the girl nice. your mum has good taste.
“Han Geng?” She simpers and he casts a look up to the sky.
“I’ll be leaving you two to get to know one another better,” his mother, the traitor, says, and he casts her a look of utter despair. “Be good now.”
She pats his shoulder and walks out the door. Hangeng stuffs another chicken foot in his mouth.
Sungmin adjusts the amount of bass as the group in the other room sing their hearts out. He frowns. Something’s a bit off. He checks what they’re singing and relaxes slightly. It’s a remake of one of DBSK’s songs, and they’re not doing it justice, but that’s not his problem.
The soprano soars over the high notes, just a bit sharp, and he winces. He’ll have to auto-tune that, they’ve tried to record this song for three days now.
The song fades out slowly and he taps his ring against the counter. As it ends, he turns on the microphone and leans in.
“Great job, I’ll see you later.”
The other guys in the recording room groan in relief, rolling shoulders, and the members of the new group smile, nod, and bow as they file out. They mouth thank yous and good work before Sungmin’s phone trills and he takes it out, Kim Ryeowook flashing on the screen.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Want to meet for dinner? I have a new song I want you to listen to and if you think it’s okay.” Sungmin checks the clock; half past ten.
“Did you just get off?”
Ryeowook coughs, and Sungmin grins. “Are you outside the door?”
Sungmin can almost imagine Ryeowook’s wide eyes. “What? No, why would I want to stalk you? Come on, let’s just get dinner and you can listen to the song.”
Sungmin laughs. “Yeah, yeah okay. Then I’ll see you outside. You’re paying though.”
“Humph. Okay fine, I’ll see you downstairs then.”
Sungmin laughs again. “See you.”
Bright and early the next day, Jungsu rolls out of bed and thumps to the floor heavily. He gets ready fast as he can and drives to the SM Entertainment building, sliding in his card and opening the door.
He looks around as he signs in, saluting the guard, who laughs, and then turns to the secretary.
“You’ll be on Star Golden Bell tonight, remember? Also giving a pep talk to the new debut group in the conference room on level six in about an hour.” The girl - he’s not sure of her name yet - smiles at him and slides a sheet across to him. He reads it and looks around.
“Hyukjae in yet?”
She frowns, taps on the computer. “Nah, he called in sick. Oh, you’ll probably have to take his spot on the radio show today too then.”
His mind flashes to Sukira, but he swallows past that lump. He nods.
“Sure. Call me when that’s confirmed?” He makes a call me sign and hip thrusts like Taegoon used to, an age ago. He wonders if she’s old enough to know it.
She laughs, sings the first line, and he grins.
Youngwoon rolls out of bed in a similar manner but manages to bash his toes on the dresser and yells out a, “FUCK,” before he dresses, downs a black (instant) coffee and runs out the door.
He’s late.
And his manager doesn’t let him forget it before putting him on stacking-the-shelves duty, in the cans aisle which is pretty much the worse because it’s easy to squeeze a finger between the bottom of the shelf and the top of a can.
He’s moved on to tuna when the squeaking of a trolley pauses and he gets that feeling in his neck before turning around.
Hair grown out and tied together at the nape of his neck, a stranger stares at him, but familiarity stirs in his chest and he stares back.
“Youngwoon?” the man says, a beard littering his mouth and chin, and Youngwoon drops the can back into the box. It wouldn’t fit anyway.
“Do I know you?” he asks politely. Most of the strangers that recognise him call him Kangin and he’s used to that. Not used to someone calling his real name.
“I... It’s Jongwoon. Yesung.”
The can Jongwoon had been holding drops into his trolley and Youngwoon takes a deep breath. There’s a reason he lives on the outskirts of Seoul, far enough from the real centre of the city but close enough to sometimes meet up with Jungsu. This recognition almost hurts.
“Yesung,” Youngwoon says, expelling a breath, and Jongwoon smiles.
“Jongwoon now.” He looks up and down the aisle, looks at all the cans and then to Youngwoon’s uniform. “You work here?”
Youngwoon shifts. “After the military, you take what you can get.”
Jongwoon nods. “When do you get off?”
“’Bout two?”
Jongwoon nods again. “Want to meet up for lunch?”
His knuckles are white on the trolley, and Youngwoon realises it can’t be easy, since he knows that Jongwoon’s one of the ones who had run away too, lost contact with everyone he had ever known.
“Okay.”
Siwon types on the computer, spreadsheet after spreadsheet of figures, profits-and-not-loses, shares and rivals. Always rivals in this business.
He sips a coffee and checks his email. Unconsciously, he smiles as he types a response.
Yes, he would like to meet her for lunch.
He stretches out his legs, lightly kicking the wall behind his desk. He’s pretty sure there’s scuff marks there now, but Korean always designates scuff marks and he’s not one to argue against that logic.
James pokes his head through the door. “Catching a plane back to China in two days, pack.”
Henry groans and throws his pillow, hears James’s laugh and scowls. “Seriously? What is it this time?”
“Joint performance with Zhou Mi and Zhang Li Yin. Unless you don’t want to...”
James raises an eyebrow.
“Zhou Mi? Zhang Li Yin?” Henry grins. “Of course.”
James laughs again. “Time to brush up on your Chinese.”
Kibum squints at the new email before he changes his glasses and leans in.
- Hey Kibum, sorry to bother you, but I need some help on my homework. :(
What’s the ___________?
Thanks and I’ll catch you later! :)
-Henry
PS. I’m going back to China in a few days so you can take your time. Do you need any help with your English? :P
- PS. Don’t you dare put that through a translator. Good luck with your homework and I’m fine in case you wanted to know. How’re you?
- Thanks! I’m fine, though it’s a bit colder now. :(
Sorry the reply took so long, James wouldn’t get out of the room so I couldn’t ‘study’. How’s LA?
-Henry
PS. Want anything from China? Chicken feet? Dog meat? Cow intestines? Zhou Mi? :D
LA’s good, studying’s good. Can you tell me if my accent’s okay?
-Kibum
PS. Bring over the whole of China while you’re at it. Why don’t you visit Hankyung?
LOL HYUNG, WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO SAY? I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
You’ll improve in time? :D?
-Henry
PS. He’s not in Beijing otherwise I would. :( I’ll bring you back some cake and then you can come to Toronto to pick it up. :D!
You are the worst dongsaeng anyone could ever have. Don’t worry, I’ll kick your ass later.
I have to go now so I’ll see you later.
-Kibum
PS. Give me your address so I can post it online and you can have fangirls swarming on you. Actually, bring Zhou Mi back to Toronto and then we’ll talk.
Donghee’s walking down the corridor to get downstairs when he sees Hyukjae, twisting a can of coffee in his hands. He’s leaning against the wall, looking like a drowned rat except without the water. He looks miserable.
“Hey,” Donghee says cautiously, and Hyukjae’s head snaps up. Maybe Donghee was wrong about the water because Hyukjae’s face is soaked.
“Um, are you okay?” Hyukjae keeps twisting the can, his head back down.
“Yeah... yeah.”
Donghee checks his watch. They’ve got a few minutes before the building closes up and it’s a pain to get out when the guards are gone.
“You want to eat or something?”
Hyukjae has the most depressing smile on, like he’s lost everything in the world, and Donghee kind of doesn’t want to go near that. But old bandmates and all, he has to help somehow, so he ushers Hyukjae downstairs and into his car.
“You drive now?” Hyukjae asks idly, his coffee still in his hands and by the looks of it, almost full.
Donghee nods.
“I see.”
It lapses into silence again.
Lunch is quiet.
Jongwoon orders a steak and Youngwoon orders a coffee. Working around food all day makes him nauseated, especially when he mans the fresh meat.
“So how’re you now?”
Jongwoon looks up from his food, reaches out for a napkin and wipes his chin.
“Okay. I work at a friend’s place now, as a carpenter.”
Youngwoon nods.
“I see.”
Jongwoon swallows. “Yeah. You?”
“Just at the supermarket.”
Jongwoon nods. “Do you meet any of the others anymore?”
“Sometimes Jungsu, but not often. It’s... strange.” Jongwoon nods again.
“Yeah.”
“You?”
Jongwoon shakes his head. “Naww, it’s too weird. I just stick with people I knew before, before this.” He waves a hand, and a pea flings itself over to another table. “It’s just. Yeah, not normal.”
He ducks again to begin sawing at his steak, and Youngwoon takes a gulp of coffee.
Yeah, he can see that.
Jungsu wakes up bright and early the next day, enough to calmly stand from his bed and make his way over to the fridge to pull out some food and microwave it.
He munches it in the car on the way to work and looks up to see the pretty secretary from the day before smiling at Donghee while he grabs a sheet from her and kisses her cheek. Jungsu watches as she laughs, and he scans the card to get in.
They both look up as he nears, and Donghee’s eyes widen slightly, red-rimmed.
“Hey,” Jungsu says, signing in and smiling off-handedly. Donghee swallows.
“Hey Lee-Jungsu. It’s good to see you.”
“You too.”
He makes a motion to the girl and she gives him a printed sheet, glancing at them both.
“Do you know if Hyukjae’s in yet?”
“He’s-“
“He’s taking leave,” Donghee says, cutting off the girl.
“Why?” Jungsu runs a finger up and down the edge of the print out, not looking at him.
“He needs to take care of a few things.” Donghee’s hands form fists and Leeteuk looks down at them, seeing two sheets instead of the usual one. He squints, and sees Sungmin’s name. Sungmin’s name, why would Donghee need that?
“Actually, hyung.”
Jungsu looks up, tries to smile. “Yes?”
“Want to meet up for lunch?”
He looks at his schedule politely as someone signs in beside him. He’s got another prep talk with the new group at twelve - Jesus Christ, how many did they need? - but it shouldn’t take long.
“Sure, meet here at one?”
Donghee looks at both schedules, and nods.
“Sure.”
“See you later then Donghee.”
Donghee pauses, as if about to say something else. “Right, see you later Jungsu.”
Sungmin’s phone trills and he turns over in bed, burrowing his head below the covers before he sits up, blinks, and reaches for it.
“Hello?” He yawns and reaches up to cover it.
“Sungmin!” Ryeowook’s cheerful voice greets, and Sungmin laughs.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“What’s your schedule today? Is meeting up for dinner okay? I fixed up the song a bit, and you might want to hear it.”
Sungmin vaguely recalls a highlighted sheet in his head, something about being called in at noon for autotuning the crap out of the new batch of songs, but it shouldn’t take long.
“Dinner? Yeah that sounds fine. Call me when you’re finished?”
“Great! Thanks Sungmin.”
Sungmin smiles. “Welcome, I’ll see you then.”
Kyuhyun rolls over in bed and looks at the clock. Huh, he swears it was yesterday five minutes ago, but he kicks off the covers and walks over to the bathroom.
Strange, now without a schedule to adhere to, he still wakes up at six am.
When he comes back out, his phone is ringing obnoxiously and he picks up.
“Why are you even up?” is his greeting, and Zhou Mi’s warm laughter pours in his ear.
“Because you never got online last night. And I wanted to talk.” Kyuhyun can hear the pout in Zhou Mi’s voice and snorts.
“Five A.M., why are you even awake?”
“It’s only six where you are, you’re not much better.”
“I think I just slept for eighteen hours, so I’d say I’m much better. When are you coming to Seoul next?”
Zhou Mi breathes out. “Well tomorrow Henry’s coming over and we’re doing a performance on some TV show. I think I have another appearance later on, and the day after is a fansigning event. Next few days we’re recording so I might be back in Seoul, I don’t know.”
Kyuhyun wriggles on a jumper, switching from ear to ear. “Mhmm, that doesn’t answer the question but I’m too nice, okay.”
Zhou Mi laughs. “Well, you should come to Beijing then, let’s perform a duet!”
There’s a pause, a long pause, and Kyuhyun imagines Zhou Mi’s expression - biting his lip, eyes screwed shut and ready to blurt out an apology - before he laughs. “I haven’t sung in years, ever since those guys in the military made me. I’d sound like a frog, no joke.”
Another pause.
“A handsome one?” Zhou Mi offers in a small voice. “Get a girl to kiss you and you’ll turn even more handsome?”
Kyuhyun snorts, but wedges the phone between his shoulder and his cheek and turns on his laptop.
Henry packs slowly, trying to extend his designated awake time before James takes everything in his hands and drops them into his suitcase.
“Go, I’ll pack. You say goodbye to your friends or whatever.”
Henry wonders if James is the older brother he never had, throws a few more bottles into the open suitcase and runs out.
“BEST MANAGER EVER!”
Kibum lies on his bed, mourning the utter hopeless that is his life because apparently, the acting coach really likes him in the I am going to bash your face in if you don’t do this right way. Where doing it right involves speaking with a flawless American accent, and being in Korea for years has robbed him of that.
It lies heavy on his tongue, and he scowls before turning over, flipping open his cell and checking the time. He sends a text off to Henry, grits his teeth, and then turns over to fall asleep.
Lunch is the most depressing affair Donghee has ever had the displeasure of attending. After storming into the studio, muttering a quick, “he needs lunch,” to the other people there, he had dragged Sungmin out. Sungmin had protested, but none of the other audio guys had responded to his pleading glance and Sungmin had muttered a dark, “we’ll see what happens when I get back,” and had followed Donghee obediently.
They sit, the three of them, around a round table in the nearby café, and Donghee can’t help but measure the space between them. Before, it would’ve been pressed against each other’s side, stealing bits of sandwiches and coffee, but now they’re evenly spread with elbows cramped to their sides and fingers twitching nervously with decisions to reach over for the sugar or not.
The tension is palpable, and Donghee’s fingers twitch around his mug.
“How’s work going?” Sungmin asks Jungsu politely, smiling around his coffee, and Jungsu nods.
“Good. How about you?”
Sungmin nods back. “It’s been good.”