(no subject)
I realized the other day I could be sad and distance myself from everyone or I could just deal with it and live.
Yes I miss David. Yes it hurts the last things he said, the last things that happened. But I am going to be fine. I am a strong person. He doesn't want me in NY. And that's the end of that. It was like a slap in the face. The slap I needed. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. Him moving wouldn't have been the only reason for our end. He would have hurt me more if he hadn't moved. We would have stayed together, and eventually he would have come to the conclusion that he's fucked up and he would hurt me. And apparently he and Christina are talking again. So who knows, if he had stayed in NC he might have ended up getting back together with her. And I don't think I could have handled that. Not only would he live across the street from me, and work across the street from me. But he would have mishandled my heart and possibly gone back to the person who made him fucked up in the first place.
Yes. I loved, love still, David. But just because I fell in love with someone and he didn't fall in love with me, doesn't mean I'm not worth it. It doesn't mean I'm not enough. It doesn't mean anything except that he didn't fall in love with me. There was nothing I could have done. We were beyond perfect together, beyond happy, and he didn't fall in love with me. That isn't my fault. So I'm not going to sit here in self pity and wallow in sadness.
I've been a bad friend, I've neglected people because I was happy. I was one of those people I didn't want to be. I hung out with David because I was happy around him. And I made plans with him before anyone else had a chance to make plans with me. I wasn't choosing him over you, really I wasn't. We practically lived together, and talked all day. It was impossible to not already make plans. If we didn't make plans and you called, I didn't turn you down. Or I didn't intend to.
I don't deserve people to forgive my neglect, nor do I expect it. But I am here now. Hopefully if you had needed me, I was there for you. And if I wasn't, I want to make amends however I can.
Now is Katherine time. I'm going to hang out. I'm going to be reckless. I'm going to make friends. I'm going to save friendships. I don't want to feel alone, because when David left I realized what I had done, and how alone I felt with him gone.
I will say this. I've never been into big group hang outs. I'd rather do small groups or one on one hang outs. More comfortable in smaller groups. But get at me. Please. And I'll get at you.
Yes I miss David. Yes it hurts the last things he said, the last things that happened. But I am going to be fine. I am a strong person. He doesn't want me in NY. And that's the end of that. It was like a slap in the face. The slap I needed. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. Him moving wouldn't have been the only reason for our end. He would have hurt me more if he hadn't moved. We would have stayed together, and eventually he would have come to the conclusion that he's fucked up and he would hurt me. And apparently he and Christina are talking again. So who knows, if he had stayed in NC he might have ended up getting back together with her. And I don't think I could have handled that. Not only would he live across the street from me, and work across the street from me. But he would have mishandled my heart and possibly gone back to the person who made him fucked up in the first place.
Yes. I loved, love still, David. But just because I fell in love with someone and he didn't fall in love with me, doesn't mean I'm not worth it. It doesn't mean I'm not enough. It doesn't mean anything except that he didn't fall in love with me. There was nothing I could have done. We were beyond perfect together, beyond happy, and he didn't fall in love with me. That isn't my fault. So I'm not going to sit here in self pity and wallow in sadness.
I've been a bad friend, I've neglected people because I was happy. I was one of those people I didn't want to be. I hung out with David because I was happy around him. And I made plans with him before anyone else had a chance to make plans with me. I wasn't choosing him over you, really I wasn't. We practically lived together, and talked all day. It was impossible to not already make plans. If we didn't make plans and you called, I didn't turn you down. Or I didn't intend to.
I don't deserve people to forgive my neglect, nor do I expect it. But I am here now. Hopefully if you had needed me, I was there for you. And if I wasn't, I want to make amends however I can.
Now is Katherine time. I'm going to hang out. I'm going to be reckless. I'm going to make friends. I'm going to save friendships. I don't want to feel alone, because when David left I realized what I had done, and how alone I felt with him gone.
I will say this. I've never been into big group hang outs. I'd rather do small groups or one on one hang outs. More comfortable in smaller groups. But get at me. Please. And I'll get at you.