http://www.textsfromlastnight.com
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
(541): i'm vegan
(209): i'll put lettuce on them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
(541): i'm vegan
(209): i'll put lettuce on them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.