Single life
I have been single for a little over 4 years now. My last relationship 4 years ago was disastrous and toxic and lasted only around 4 months or so. I am going friggen crazy being single. I am starting to lose my mind! I guess I am just in the wrong environment at this point in my life. In college I wasn't looking for anything because I was too focused on school and now I am still in Berkeley. I think I just need to get the heck out of here. All of the young people I meet my age are on the road to nowhere. I need to move to the city. I also need to move away from the guy I thought was my friend, who I let live with me. This guy went and started working with a girl I was seeing right when we decided to stop seeing each other. He talked to me about her like she was his girlfriend! He has only brought over 1 girl the entire time I have lived with him, even though he used to talk like he was such a romantic stud. This girl was over here for a period of about 3 weeks and that's it. Plus, she was around 5 years younger than him! It just makes me think he was being desperate and trying to stab me in the back going after this girl. He seems like such a selfish piece of shit it's not even funny. When I described what was happening between the girl I was seeing and me, he said "this is one of the most selfish times of our lives." I then started seeing a couple other people. I started to see this art major girl that was the complete wrong person for me and she just one day told me, after 3 months of seeing each other, that she never thought we were dating and she isn't looking to date as she just got out of a relationship. This was such bullshit! So frustrating... I don't understand why she would do that to me out of the blue like that. I was nothing but nice to her. I guess its because she had a feeling like we weren't right for each other or something, but I really don't get it. I am so depleted that I don't even want to try anymore. I have been through so many shit storms I am so done with it. The grief it causes far outweighs the small, volatile pleasures. I need to forget about relationships. I need to focus on myself. It's hard when I am stuck focusing on the fact that I have been single for 4 years, that something might be wrong with me, that I need to change something about myself. I also think that I attract these low-life piece of shit individuals that like to play games and fuck with me for no reason. I am done dating people that do drugs. I am done dating people that have no idea what they want to do with their lives or people that want to do art or music or any of that bullshit as a main income. That shit is not real. Also, people that aren't sure what they want to do with their lives can go jump off a cliff at this point. I am so done with the bullshit. This point of my life is insane. I am getting so many women, but I could not be more unhappy about it. I am so unhappy that I haven't been in a quality relationship since I was 17. I think I was cursed to find love at such a young age. I am now so disappointed about my love life.