Meow.
Ok.
I have had lapses in judgement before. We all know this about me. It is a trait I think I have perfected, really.
But this most recent lapse tops them all.
For some unknown reason, I agreed to cat sit. Not just agreed, offered.
There is a cat in my apartment. Most of you haven't seen my apartment, so the weight of that statement is pretty much lost. My apartment is so small, I have trouble having people over because if there are more than one or two people in here, I start to get claustrophobic. We'll call the "small cat in an even smaller apartment" exhibit A.
Exhibit B. I am death allergic to cats. I was doing fine until yesterday, when I started to get the sniffles. Today I want to rip my sinuses out with a coat hanger. The problem is, the cat is so cute that I really want to pet her. But as soon as I do, my nose tries to secede from my damned face.
Exhibit C. The cat has a really different sleep pattern than I do. As in, when I am at work, she sleeps. When I try to sleep she tears my fucking apartment apart. She throws up on the floor. She hides in my bed. She tries to eat things off the floor. She bites my wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwea. That meant to say ankles, but apparently she also jumps on the keyboard when I am trying to type.
Exhibit D. She doesn't meow. When she doesnt' like something she will kind of growl... but that's the only noise she really makes. What kind of a cat doesn't meow?!
I mean, in her defense, she is the cutest thing I have ever seen. And when I am not sneezing or trying to pick up after her, I really like her. But still. Lapse. In. Judgement.
Also, her name is Amelia.
I have had lapses in judgement before. We all know this about me. It is a trait I think I have perfected, really.
But this most recent lapse tops them all.
For some unknown reason, I agreed to cat sit. Not just agreed, offered.
There is a cat in my apartment. Most of you haven't seen my apartment, so the weight of that statement is pretty much lost. My apartment is so small, I have trouble having people over because if there are more than one or two people in here, I start to get claustrophobic. We'll call the "small cat in an even smaller apartment" exhibit A.
Exhibit B. I am death allergic to cats. I was doing fine until yesterday, when I started to get the sniffles. Today I want to rip my sinuses out with a coat hanger. The problem is, the cat is so cute that I really want to pet her. But as soon as I do, my nose tries to secede from my damned face.
Exhibit C. The cat has a really different sleep pattern than I do. As in, when I am at work, she sleeps. When I try to sleep she tears my fucking apartment apart. She throws up on the floor. She hides in my bed. She tries to eat things off the floor. She bites my wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwea. That meant to say ankles, but apparently she also jumps on the keyboard when I am trying to type.
Exhibit D. She doesn't meow. When she doesnt' like something she will kind of growl... but that's the only noise she really makes. What kind of a cat doesn't meow?!
I mean, in her defense, she is the cutest thing I have ever seen. And when I am not sneezing or trying to pick up after her, I really like her. But still. Lapse. In. Judgement.
Also, her name is Amelia.