Then why? I hear myself wanting to ask. I don't even know what I've done wrong, but I know it's something and I know it's irreversible and there's nothing I can do. I stay silent, letting her leave, slink away.
Clinging to the counterr in front of the office, I glance down to see white knuckled hands, not really aware of how long I stood there trying to make sense of all of this. She was right, I did need the rest, but not right now. It was too early, there was no way I was quieting these thoughts right now.
Slumping into Wes' office, I slouched in his chair, carefully holding my side without thought. My fingers ran through his notes on the case, and right now I would have been grateful to have either him or Cordy here to talk to or to talk at me. Seems I was getting used to their chatter for all my brooding tendencies.
There really was nothing more I could do until they got back. It was right there in the notes. I was useless, not just on this case, but apparently to Tara, too. Really comforting thought there, Angel.
Shuffling the papers back together, I sat there for a long time, working up the effort to get up the stairs. Or the elevator. Whichever. I always forgot there was a stupid elevator anyway. Stairs it is. Some pain would be nice right about now. And each step had plenty of that. I got down them okay and I was going to have to start getting used to it again anyway. A little physical therapy. No pain, no gain.
I wasn't even close to the top of hte stairs when I heard all the sounds of a fresh nightmare. I rushed through the last few, ignoring the pain searing up my chest, I hurtled my way to the top. Opening the door quietly, I debated taking her into my room, but then decided I would just hold her until she quieted and then go back to my own bed. Climbing on top of the covers as carefully as I could, I wrapped my arms around her and made little shushing noises, told her she was okay, and waited patiently until she was asleep again, lightly nuzzling into her soft, sweet-smelling hair now and then.
Donnie is after me again, another drunken night where I get to be his punching bag - or worse - while Mamma is out of town and my father ignores me. I don't know why my father ever stuck around, even if it was only to be waited on hand and foot.
As much as I love my mother, I will never understand why she stayed with him and in a marrage that is obviously making her miserable.
"Where are you? You know you ain't hidin' from me. You do and you know what's gonna happen to you Tara. It's gonna be the buckle this time."
There was weight on me and for a moment I froze, too scared to move and struggle away and frightened of what would happen if I didn't. The scent of the weight pulls me from my nightmare and it's friendly and warm, comforting. I know it's not mamma and after a moment I know who it is.
Angel.
"Stay," I cry, still half in my dazed sleep. "Don't let them find me."
"Right here. Shh... That's my girl," I murmur, holding her gently, letting her touch as many parts of me as I could. "Shh..." I stroked her hair, and held her not about to get up and move now.
"Not going anywhere, gonna keep you safe, Tara." I continued to murmur and whisper as many things as I could think of to calm her and quiet her and make her feel at home. Make her feel safe and secure. "I'm right here, Tara, not gonna let anyone get you. Nobody gets near my girl," I say quietly, again that fierce urge to protect her radiating through me.
I held onto her for the longest time, kissing her hair, not really realizing what I was doing, just wanting her to feel comforted. It wasn't until I felt the glow of dawn that I slipped my arms free of her, placed a soft kiss to her forehead, and padded quietly back to my bed. She didn't need to wake up with me there.
The hotel felt eerily quiet as I stripped and slid into bed, the covers sliding cool and soft over my skin. I stayed awake until I heard her padding about, the shower running. Only then did it seem right to close my eyes and let my body find some peace.
My eyes shot open and I gasped, looking around at the dimly lit room and realized there I was. Memories and scattered whispers fill my mind and I can almost swear that Angel had been here but there aren't any signs of him in my room.
"He wouldn't have come here after what happened last night," I mutter to myself, running my fingers through my messy hair and getting out of bed. I walked quietly to the shower, careful to keep quiet incase Angel was sleeping because he needed the rest.
I pull off my bra and panties and slip into the shower, a soft sigh falling from my lips as the hot water poured over me. I washed my hair and after nearly an hour of trying to rid myself of my nightmares I slipped out.
Keeping the towel tightly around me I start to pull things out of my bag, finding a pair of old jeans and a tanktop. I slip those on and pull my hair up in a messy ponytail before grabbing my backpack, slipping out some books into my arms.
With carefulness I slip downstairs and head onto the back garden, the sun warm after the storm and I find a small spot half in the sunlight that's dry after last nights rain.
I don't sleep long, the pain and the mounting urge for blood waking me up after only a few hours. I feel drained, and impatient, wanting my strength to come back. Wanting things with Tara to go back to the way they were.
Slowly, I crawled out of bed and limped to the kitchen, annoyed that my injuries had lasted so long in the first place. If they hadn't, Tara wouldn't have had to stay, and I wouldn't have been tempted, I think wryly, pulling the fridge door open with a sharp tug that sends an arc of pain up my arm. I like pain, but this is ridiculous.
Grumbling, I pull out the blood and heat some up, drinking it right there in the suite kitchen so I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of sitting down and standing back up.
A hot, scalding shower sounded really good right about now, and rinsing my mug, I padded heavily to the bathroom, tossing my boxers aside as I went. Not really sure why I slept with them on anyway, except that maybe I was hoping in the back of my mind Tara would come and check on me.
The shower, while hot, and feeling good on my muscles, was amazingly unsatisfying...mostly because I kept thinking about Tara, and wanting to jerk off, but the guilt-ridden monk part of me saying, 'no way.' I ignored the ache and got dressed, still favoring the loose pants and a dark green long-sleeved shirt.
I didn't hear her in her room, and assumed she'd gone out. Bumbling downstairs, I caught a glimpse of something moving out in the courtyard. There she was, sun on her shoulders, golden sparks glinting through her long ponytail. It was so bright I had to squint and put a hand above my eyes. Opening the door and stepping into the shadows, I watched her for a few moments before speaking. "Hey... You doing alright?" I said softly, thinking of the nightmares that hadn't seemed to stop. "Need anything?"
My arms and shoulders feel hot from the sun as I tried to concentrate on my final paper. Nothing sunk in and all I could do was sit and write out protection spells, spells to keep my family away from finding me. From allowing me to live my life on my terms and not bound to them and their ways.
Memories of life back home started to flood though my mind and I could almost feel the scar on my calf hurt as if it was fresh. I couldn't go back there, I couldn't live the life they want to force on me.
They can't find me. They can't find Angel and the life I have now. I couldn't let that happen.
Angel's voice broke me from my thoughts and I turned to smile at him, squinting from the sun and looking into his eyes as he stood in the shadow. "Need to know that we're okay," I speak quietly, finally. It was the truth. As much as I wanted things with Angel I didn't want to lose the only friend I had out here.
She looked beautiful out there in the light, and part of me was glad that I wasn't able to go out there and want to touch her and then tell myself that I couldn't. Very glad.
Except for those nightmares, there wasn't going to be any touching. I could guarantee that.
Her smile and her words once again catch me by surprise - this girl was always surprising me - and I looked at her for several long moments trying to figure out what she might mean by that. I come up with nothing though, and end up taking it at face value. I smile back, a little half smile, and tell her, "We're good. You don't have to worry about that." And she didn't. There was zero chance of me kicking her out, or me not wanting her around no matter how awkward things got.
"I should let you get back to your studying," I say smiling shyly, "If you need anything else though...you let me know." There, now that felt better, being able to offer her something back, being the one to do the taking care of.
"I'll be in the basement probably." Needed to start some training and staring over Tara's shoulder wasn't going to be the way to do that. Slipping toward the door, I give her one last look as my hand hits the door knob. If only things were different.
"I was and I'm glad," I say simply, touched that he offered yet again to let him know if I needed anything. "Thank you, Angel." So few words, a lot of meaning.
He tells me that he's going to the basement and I nod. "Okay." I know he's trying to give me space and let me get back to my books but I was never in my books, at this rate I'm going to fail this English class with flying colors. I need a clear head to work on this though.
I hear his footsteps as he walks away and I turn back to my books, knowing that I didn't have a clear head to work on anything. I pull them off my lap and stand, feeling the sting of the sun that sunk into my skin.
Looking down at my watch I move into the house and quietly find my way to the basement, my books tight to my chest as I step down the stairs. "Angel?" I gasp softly when I see what's in the basement. "Oh, I um..." My books fall and I scramble to get them, feeling awkward that I bothered him. "S-sorry. I don't w-want to bother you. I was going to s-see if you wanted something from the kitchen..."
I smile back at her before stepping back into the lobby. I take in a depth breath, wondering about this whole situation, and what Wes and Cordy are going to think of it as I make my way to the basement without thinking. I should call later, see if they're making any progress.
It's blissfully dark and I only turn on a minimal amount of light. Taking things slow, I start with a little tai chi to get my muscles back to paying attention to things, and getting them moving again. I've only gone through the first pattern, muscles already aching, when I hear footsteps on the stairs. I don't stop at first, but when there's a tumble and a thud I do, turning to see Tara scrambling for books and papers everywhere.
Going over to help her, I almost don't look at the things I'm picking up, I'm too busy looking at her. "Oh, I'm fine, I don't-" something catches my eye though and I pause. Markings. Not just any markings, something for a ritual maybe. "Tara," I carefully keep my voice calm and even, not accusing, "what is all this? A Wiccan class?" I ask skeptically, looking back at her perched on the stairs, books held to her chest as she picks up the rest of the papers.
Have I really been so foolish? Could she be trying to cast a spell on me? Trying to get me to lose my soul somehow? Wolfram and Hart could have sent her. Had her lure me in... I look at her carefully, not letting anything else show on my face. It can't be. It just can't...
Before he caught me I felt like I was in a trance, watching him move with grace even still sore from his wounds. I was almost dissapointed when I saw him stop, catching me looking at him as I klutzed as always and spilled my notes all over the stairs. "Sorry." I scrambled as fast as I could to pick them up before he could; but he was faster than I was.
He had my notes in his hand and the look on his face sent me spinning.
I feel like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and I shake my head, stammering like I'm five again. "I-it's...I..." I swallow hard and grab the books close to my chest. "I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to, if it makes you un-comfortable." I try to hide behind my hair, holding the books tightly to me as his eyes dig into me. "C-can't find me. They can't. I h-have to hide." The words escape my lips before I can react to stop them, my vision blurs and I try to back away but the wall stopped me.
"The nightmares," I murmur as she looks at me shaken and terrified. It feels like one of her nightmares has come to life, and I don't know if I'm a part of them or not, the way she looks at me, the way her heart thunders and she steps back away from me.
"Tara." My hand goes to her arm, just her arm to keep her from darting up the stairs. "Tell me what's going on. I don't even know what those are." It's true. Maybe if they were laid out in the right order, I would get it, but this jumble of pages- I only recognize a symbol here and there. "Please, just tell me," it's not often that I say please, and when it passes my lips, I know I'm in deep, and I'm not just going to be able to let her go so easily when the time comes.
"I'll protect you. What are you hiding from?" I can help you, but you have to let me in, I think as I search her eyes with my own. She's too terrified for this to be about me. It's not about me at all, I don't know how I could have though that. I'm being selfish again. "I want to help, Tara," I say very softly, hand coming up to brush her hair from her face, but I stop myself, hand dropping back to my side so that I won't fall into that pit of always wanting more.
He knows. It's that simple and I suddenly feel naked and exposed to his eyes. He tells me he knows about the nightmares and I shake my head, dropping my books and moving back against the wall, finding myself only further in the basement.
"Can't. They a-always find me, Angel. They." My voice cracks and I whimper softly, knowing that I was stronger than this even as I curl up into myself on my knees. "You'll go away too; they'll make you go away like she did."
I know I was talking nonsense but nothing in my head would make one clear thought and that scared me, made me wrap my arms around my thighs and hide beneath my hair. "Nobody can help. Donnie'll find me. He always did. I can never run far enough from them."
Never be free. I'll never have the life I want. I'll never find someone to share it with either. I'll spend forever running from them and the demon inside.
Crouching to find her eyes, I carefully brush the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear slowly, temptation be damned. She needed me.
"I won't. I'm not going anywhere, Tara. You're safe here." My words are soft, but firm. I sit down next to her and put my arm around her to stop the way she seemed to be shivering even without knowing it. "C'mere," I murmured quietly, pulling her close.
"No one's going to find you if you don't want to be found. Whoever it is, we'll keep you safe, I'll keep you safe. It's what I do," I tilt her chin up to look at me, keeping my touch and words as non-threatening as possible. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Tara. And if they try to, they won't for long," I say, leaving out the part where I would feed them to their own demons without any remorse, and jail would seem like heaven if they were human and they still tried to cross me.
Brushing a hand across her cheek, I keep holding her tightly. "Let me help, Tara. Two is better than one. Trust me," I kept stroking her hair, wanting her to believe me. I would do whatever it took. She had to know that.
He's there, even as I've tried to push him away, to keep him at a distance. He's there. That's never happened to me before. I don't want it to leave again; I don't want him to leave even though I've tried to deny that.
I feel his arms around me and I give up fighting it and I lean on him, wrapping my arm around his waist and keeping my face hidden as I let the fear work its way though my body; willing it to go away.
"They found me before, they made me leave my last school when they came. I ran, I r-ran here and thought I could hide here." I swallow hard and look up at him when he touches my face, making me look at him. "I can't sleep; they haunt me."
I'm spilling everything inside me and I know that I'm going to have to tell him who 'they' are sooner or later. Seems like sooner. I don't know how to tell him everything or how to tell him about my family history. It's too complicated.
My arms wrap around him tightly and I touch his face for a moment, feeling the roughness of his jawline in too much of an intimate way. The words that pass my lips seem like an echo from a memory I don't have. "Stay, don't let them find me."
It feels good when she gives in and just lets me hold her, even if she's hiding in my chest. I keep holding her, little soothing strokes and touches, all meant to be comforting and platonic.
I listen carefully as she gives me a few more details, "I know," I murmur quietly, remembering every detail of how her body quaked in terror, how her breathing sped up so fast I was worried she would suffocate herself somehow. I could smell, could feel it in every inch of her body as she slept.
Again with the surprise when she touches my face so tenderly, as if I'm not a monster right here holding her. It's the little things like that touch me the most, and really make this girl get under my skin.
"I'm here. I'm not letting you go. They won't find you, and they won't take you," from me. I don't know if these people are real or imaginary, but their presence is strong enough that it doesn't matter. "I've got you, Tara. I've got you," I whisper, mirroring her touch to my face. "I won't let them have you. Not now, not ever."
"You wanna tell me about this spell," I ask gently after a long while of silently holding her close, trying to distract her a little from her fear, and get her to focus on what we can do about these things haunting her.
I feel his hand on my face and my breath shudders and I lean into his touch for a moment, letting his words sink into me like a warm blanket.
He asked that question I knew was coming and as much as I didn't want to hash it out I knew I had to. Especially if someone is going to say they'll be there to protect you, it's best to keep them in the loop.
"Protection spell, s-something to keep me hidden." I look down and try to keep my hands busy, fidgiting with the edge of his shirt as I speak softly. "I left home when my mother died, moved to California and tried to start my own life. Without them or their ways. D-donnie...My brother, and m-my father." My voice fades and I swallow hard. "They're set in their ways and...I love my mother, m-more than anything...I don't want to live how she did." There's silence and I know he's waiting for the final pieces of the puzzle and it takes everything I have in me to speak them. "I w-won't be a slave or...or his p-punching bag."
Clinging to the counterr in front of the office, I glance down to see white knuckled hands, not really aware of how long I stood there trying to make sense of all of this. She was right, I did need the rest, but not right now. It was too early, there was no way I was quieting these thoughts right now.
Slumping into Wes' office, I slouched in his chair, carefully holding my side without thought. My fingers ran through his notes on the case, and right now I would have been grateful to have either him or Cordy here to talk to or to talk at me. Seems I was getting used to their chatter for all my brooding tendencies.
There really was nothing more I could do until they got back. It was right there in the notes. I was useless, not just on this case, but apparently to Tara, too. Really comforting thought there, Angel.
Shuffling the papers back together, I sat there for a long time, working up the effort to get up the stairs. Or the elevator. Whichever. I always forgot there was a stupid elevator anyway. Stairs it is. Some pain would be nice right about now. And each step had plenty of that. I got down them okay and I was going to have to start getting used to it again anyway. A little physical therapy. No pain, no gain.
I wasn't even close to the top of hte stairs when I heard all the sounds of a fresh nightmare. I rushed through the last few, ignoring the pain searing up my chest, I hurtled my way to the top. Opening the door quietly, I debated taking her into my room, but then decided I would just hold her until she quieted and then go back to my own bed. Climbing on top of the covers as carefully as I could, I wrapped my arms around her and made little shushing noises, told her she was okay, and waited patiently until she was asleep again, lightly nuzzling into her soft, sweet-smelling hair now and then.
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As much as I love my mother, I will never understand why she stayed with him and in a marrage that is obviously making her miserable.
"Where are you? You know you ain't hidin' from me. You do and you know what's gonna happen to you Tara. It's gonna be the buckle this time."
There was weight on me and for a moment I froze, too scared to move and struggle away and frightened of what would happen if I didn't. The scent of the weight pulls me from my nightmare and it's friendly and warm, comforting. I know it's not mamma and after a moment I know who it is.
Angel.
"Stay," I cry, still half in my dazed sleep. "Don't let them find me."
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"Not going anywhere, gonna keep you safe, Tara." I continued to murmur and whisper as many things as I could think of to calm her and quiet her and make her feel at home. Make her feel safe and secure. "I'm right here, Tara, not gonna let anyone get you. Nobody gets near my girl," I say quietly, again that fierce urge to protect her radiating through me.
I held onto her for the longest time, kissing her hair, not really realizing what I was doing, just wanting her to feel comforted. It wasn't until I felt the glow of dawn that I slipped my arms free of her, placed a soft kiss to her forehead, and padded quietly back to my bed. She didn't need to wake up with me there.
The hotel felt eerily quiet as I stripped and slid into bed, the covers sliding cool and soft over my skin. I stayed awake until I heard her padding about, the shower running. Only then did it seem right to close my eyes and let my body find some peace.
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"He wouldn't have come here after what happened last night," I mutter to myself, running my fingers through my messy hair and getting out of bed. I walked quietly to the shower, careful to keep quiet incase Angel was sleeping because he needed the rest.
I pull off my bra and panties and slip into the shower, a soft sigh falling from my lips as the hot water poured over me. I washed my hair and after nearly an hour of trying to rid myself of my nightmares I slipped out.
Keeping the towel tightly around me I start to pull things out of my bag, finding a pair of old jeans and a tanktop. I slip those on and pull my hair up in a messy ponytail before grabbing my backpack, slipping out some books into my arms.
With carefulness I slip downstairs and head onto the back garden, the sun warm after the storm and I find a small spot half in the sunlight that's dry after last nights rain.
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Slowly, I crawled out of bed and limped to the kitchen, annoyed that my injuries had lasted so long in the first place. If they hadn't, Tara wouldn't have had to stay, and I wouldn't have been tempted, I think wryly, pulling the fridge door open with a sharp tug that sends an arc of pain up my arm. I like pain, but this is ridiculous.
Grumbling, I pull out the blood and heat some up, drinking it right there in the suite kitchen so I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of sitting down and standing back up.
A hot, scalding shower sounded really good right about now, and rinsing my mug, I padded heavily to the bathroom, tossing my boxers aside as I went. Not really sure why I slept with them on anyway, except that maybe I was hoping in the back of my mind Tara would come and check on me.
The shower, while hot, and feeling good on my muscles, was amazingly unsatisfying...mostly because I kept thinking about Tara, and wanting to jerk off, but the guilt-ridden monk part of me saying, 'no way.' I ignored the ache and got dressed, still favoring the loose pants and a dark green long-sleeved shirt.
I didn't hear her in her room, and assumed she'd gone out. Bumbling downstairs, I caught a glimpse of something moving out in the courtyard. There she was, sun on her shoulders, golden sparks glinting through her long ponytail. It was so bright I had to squint and put a hand above my eyes. Opening the door and stepping into the shadows, I watched her for a few moments before speaking. "Hey... You doing alright?" I said softly, thinking of the nightmares that hadn't seemed to stop. "Need anything?"
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Memories of life back home started to flood though my mind and I could almost feel the scar on my calf hurt as if it was fresh. I couldn't go back there, I couldn't live the life they want to force on me.
They can't find me. They can't find Angel and the life I have now. I couldn't let that happen.
Angel's voice broke me from my thoughts and I turned to smile at him, squinting from the sun and looking into his eyes as he stood in the shadow. "Need to know that we're okay," I speak quietly, finally. It was the truth. As much as I wanted things with Angel I didn't want to lose the only friend I had out here.
I won't let them win.
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Except for those nightmares, there wasn't going to be any touching. I could guarantee that.
Her smile and her words once again catch me by surprise - this girl was always surprising me - and I looked at her for several long moments trying to figure out what she might mean by that. I come up with nothing though, and end up taking it at face value. I smile back, a little half smile, and tell her, "We're good. You don't have to worry about that." And she didn't. There was zero chance of me kicking her out, or me not wanting her around no matter how awkward things got.
"I should let you get back to your studying," I say smiling shyly, "If you need anything else though...you let me know." There, now that felt better, being able to offer her something back, being the one to do the taking care of.
"I'll be in the basement probably." Needed to start some training and staring over Tara's shoulder wasn't going to be the way to do that. Slipping toward the door, I give her one last look as my hand hits the door knob. If only things were different.
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He tells me that he's going to the basement and I nod. "Okay." I know he's trying to give me space and let me get back to my books but I was never in my books, at this rate I'm going to fail this English class with flying colors. I need a clear head to work on this though.
I hear his footsteps as he walks away and I turn back to my books, knowing that I didn't have a clear head to work on anything. I pull them off my lap and stand, feeling the sting of the sun that sunk into my skin.
Looking down at my watch I move into the house and quietly find my way to the basement, my books tight to my chest as I step down the stairs. "Angel?" I gasp softly when I see what's in the basement. "Oh, I um..." My books fall and I scramble to get them, feeling awkward that I bothered him. "S-sorry. I don't w-want to bother you. I was going to s-see if you wanted something from the kitchen..."
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It's blissfully dark and I only turn on a minimal amount of light. Taking things slow, I start with a little tai chi to get my muscles back to paying attention to things, and getting them moving again. I've only gone through the first pattern, muscles already aching, when I hear footsteps on the stairs. I don't stop at first, but when there's a tumble and a thud I do, turning to see Tara scrambling for books and papers everywhere.
Going over to help her, I almost don't look at the things I'm picking up, I'm too busy looking at her. "Oh, I'm fine, I don't-" something catches my eye though and I pause. Markings. Not just any markings, something for a ritual maybe. "Tara," I carefully keep my voice calm and even, not accusing, "what is all this? A Wiccan class?" I ask skeptically, looking back at her perched on the stairs, books held to her chest as she picks up the rest of the papers.
Have I really been so foolish? Could she be trying to cast a spell on me? Trying to get me to lose my soul somehow? Wolfram and Hart could have sent her. Had her lure me in... I look at her carefully, not letting anything else show on my face. It can't be. It just can't...
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He had my notes in his hand and the look on his face sent me spinning.
I feel like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and I shake my head, stammering like I'm five again. "I-it's...I..." I swallow hard and grab the books close to my chest. "I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to, if it makes you un-comfortable." I try to hide behind my hair, holding the books tightly to me as his eyes dig into me. "C-can't find me. They can't. I h-have to hide." The words escape my lips before I can react to stop them, my vision blurs and I try to back away but the wall stopped me.
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"Tara." My hand goes to her arm, just her arm to keep her from darting up the stairs. "Tell me what's going on. I don't even know what those are." It's true. Maybe if they were laid out in the right order, I would get it, but this jumble of pages- I only recognize a symbol here and there. "Please, just tell me," it's not often that I say please, and when it passes my lips, I know I'm in deep, and I'm not just going to be able to let her go so easily when the time comes.
"I'll protect you. What are you hiding from?" I can help you, but you have to let me in, I think as I search her eyes with my own. She's too terrified for this to be about me. It's not about me at all, I don't know how I could have though that. I'm being selfish again. "I want to help, Tara," I say very softly, hand coming up to brush her hair from her face, but I stop myself, hand dropping back to my side so that I won't fall into that pit of always wanting more.
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"Can't. They a-always find me, Angel. They." My voice cracks and I whimper softly, knowing that I was stronger than this even as I curl up into myself on my knees. "You'll go away too; they'll make you go away like she did."
I know I was talking nonsense but nothing in my head would make one clear thought and that scared me, made me wrap my arms around my thighs and hide beneath my hair. "Nobody can help. Donnie'll find me. He always did. I can never run far enough from them."
Never be free. I'll never have the life I want. I'll never find someone to share it with either. I'll spend forever running from them and the demon inside.
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"I won't. I'm not going anywhere, Tara. You're safe here." My words are soft, but firm. I sit down next to her and put my arm around her to stop the way she seemed to be shivering even without knowing it. "C'mere," I murmured quietly, pulling her close.
"No one's going to find you if you don't want to be found. Whoever it is, we'll keep you safe, I'll keep you safe. It's what I do," I tilt her chin up to look at me, keeping my touch and words as non-threatening as possible. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Tara. And if they try to, they won't for long," I say, leaving out the part where I would feed them to their own demons without any remorse, and jail would seem like heaven if they were human and they still tried to cross me.
Brushing a hand across her cheek, I keep holding her tightly. "Let me help, Tara. Two is better than one. Trust me," I kept stroking her hair, wanting her to believe me. I would do whatever it took. She had to know that.
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I feel his arms around me and I give up fighting it and I lean on him, wrapping my arm around his waist and keeping my face hidden as I let the fear work its way though my body; willing it to go away.
"They found me before, they made me leave my last school when they came. I ran, I r-ran here and thought I could hide here." I swallow hard and look up at him when he touches my face, making me look at him. "I can't sleep; they haunt me."
I'm spilling everything inside me and I know that I'm going to have to tell him who 'they' are sooner or later. Seems like sooner. I don't know how to tell him everything or how to tell him about my family history. It's too complicated.
My arms wrap around him tightly and I touch his face for a moment, feeling the roughness of his jawline in too much of an intimate way. The words that pass my lips seem like an echo from a memory I don't have. "Stay, don't let them find me."
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I listen carefully as she gives me a few more details, "I know," I murmur quietly, remembering every detail of how her body quaked in terror, how her breathing sped up so fast I was worried she would suffocate herself somehow. I could smell, could feel it in every inch of her body as she slept.
Again with the surprise when she touches my face so tenderly, as if I'm not a monster right here holding her. It's the little things like that touch me the most, and really make this girl get under my skin.
"I'm here. I'm not letting you go. They won't find you, and they won't take you," from me. I don't know if these people are real or imaginary, but their presence is strong enough that it doesn't matter. "I've got you, Tara. I've got you," I whisper, mirroring her touch to my face. "I won't let them have you. Not now, not ever."
"You wanna tell me about this spell," I ask gently after a long while of silently holding her close, trying to distract her a little from her fear, and get her to focus on what we can do about these things haunting her.
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He asked that question I knew was coming and as much as I didn't want to hash it out I knew I had to. Especially if someone is going to say they'll be there to protect you, it's best to keep them in the loop.
"Protection spell, s-something to keep me hidden." I look down and try to keep my hands busy, fidgiting with the edge of his shirt as I speak softly. "I left home when my mother died, moved to California and tried to start my own life. Without them or their ways. D-donnie...My brother, and m-my father." My voice fades and I swallow hard. "They're set in their ways and...I love my mother, m-more than anything...I don't want to live how she did." There's silence and I know he's waiting for the final pieces of the puzzle and it takes everything I have in me to speak them. "I w-won't be a slave or...or his p-punching bag."
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