a little song, a litte dance...batman's head on a lance
I was thinking about God and all that stuff today. I really wish I could be a person of faith. I wish I could ignore all the bullshit and all the lies and all the terrible religious people out there. And I wish having faith could be exciting or something. Just cuz I was asked the question if I believed in hell the other day, and I didn't really think about and I said no. Even if I was a Catholic or whatever I don't think I'd believe in one. I wouldn't think that a "caring and loving God" would wanna do that to anyone. I don't think I'd even really wanna do that to anyone, and I'm sure that if there is a loving and caring God, he'd be a lot more caring and loving than me and would therefore have even more of a problem with sending people to hell. But anyway, I was thinking today that if I don't belive in hell, then why believe in heaven, or in anything. I think I've come to pretty much rest on the idea that there is definetly a god, but that that god is definetly one who has no say in anything that goes on in this world. So basically I think that I am a Deist. But I'm still really young and my religious beliefs will probably be subject to change over the years I'm guessing. Anyway, thinking that there is a god who doesn't really care about this world, and also not thinking that there could be a hell, then, as I was thinking today, why should there be a heaven, or any afterlife. The idea of an afterlife is pretty fucking ridiculous when you think of it in a certain way, its something that Ancient Greeks or Egyptians would make up. But, the thought of just dying and having your body rot in the ground and thats all you fucking get...that thought is so depressing and disheartening. I can't really wrap my mind around having an afterlife, or not having an afterlife. No one seems to have totally figured out thus far either though, so I guess its not too much of a problem. And as long as I don't die in some freakish type of setting, I have a lot of life left to not worry about shit like this at all. I don't know, I guess huge questions like this just grab you sometimes and you can't really ignore them, and then you go post about them on eljay. I just wish it wasn't always nothings and nowheres and godlessness. It would be nice to be spirtual or something, like Peter said the other day. It'd be nice to have anything, really.