dont it always seem to go that u dont know what you've got till it's gone?
FYB party was yesterday. that was sooooooooooooo much fun. it's funny how we can do absolutely nothing but be in the same room and have a ball for hours. im so glad i have all yall as my buddies..my life would really suck without yall to add in some whiteness to my oh so black world lol.
didnt wake up till like 2:30pm. then i paced the house looking for something do do. flint is a very boring town ya know that? lunden called and wanted to go to the game so i met her there. tisha called when i was there and she met me up there too...with greg of course. that was all fun and whatnot till i saw kowame. whoever said forbidden fruit is more tempting was NOT lying. kowame was like connected at the hip with some chic with a big ass head and a weird lookin face and that P'd me off more than words can express. i got sooooooo jealous. whoever said forbidden fruit is more tempting was NOT lying. if only i would have noticed what a good thing i had when i had it then maybe i'd still have it. im not gonna find someone else like kowame. no one is going to respect me the way he did. this boy was in LOVE with sex but never once pressured me into doing anything. he wouldnt even mention it. he never expected me to get all dolled up for him cause as long as he saw me he was happy..even if i had a scarf on my head and a tissue in my nose. he loved me for me...and it was a real, true, genuine love that i fear ill never find again. no need to dwell on the past tho. he's not. y should i? it's just weird to see him around and not speak. sometimes by reflex i go "there's my baby" and start to walk over to him but then i remember that we aint together no more and i back away. that shit hurts. to see him carry out the plans we made for b-ball season way back in june with another girl hurts my heart. to see her wear his varsity jacket and the little shirt that he got made for ME. to see him wink and wave at her during the game. to see them hugged up in the corner like we used to be. ughhh...WHY IN THE HELL DID I DO WHAT I DID?!? i know i dont still have real "feelings" for him..it's just that now that he's not mine and he's not available...i want him. the same way i wanted him when me and precious were fighting over him. why didnt i keep that same fight that i had then and the same desire that i have now? y did i just lose interest as soon as i "got him"? why am i sitting here alone wondering what he's doing and who he's talking to? i know he's either at a party (as usual) or at some girl house or on the phone. i even miss talkin to him on the phone. we'd talk for hours and hours...never getting tired of each other. i miss hearing him get into it with his brother and sister and mom. i miss the way he would sing (very badly) over the phone. i miss (almost) everything about that boy. but i can guarantee u that if he were to say he wanted me back...i'd make the same stupid mistakes i made the first time around and not appreciate him for what he is. i'd prolly do the same shit. ughhhhhh....
well i didnt mean to go off on a rampage like that!! after the game A.D called me and wanted me to go to the movies with him and rachael so i went...hoping to get my mind off of things. it worked (well for a while) we laughed and played around like little kids in the back of the theater. i love them too.
now im home thinkin about kowame...although i dont want to be...and writing in this damn journal. i dont wanna go to sleep cause i know as soon as i reach the REM state...wow who uses scientific wording like that? well as soon as i start to dream (lol) im gonna dream about him and all the old times we shared.
lord...
didnt wake up till like 2:30pm. then i paced the house looking for something do do. flint is a very boring town ya know that? lunden called and wanted to go to the game so i met her there. tisha called when i was there and she met me up there too...with greg of course. that was all fun and whatnot till i saw kowame. whoever said forbidden fruit is more tempting was NOT lying. kowame was like connected at the hip with some chic with a big ass head and a weird lookin face and that P'd me off more than words can express. i got sooooooo jealous. whoever said forbidden fruit is more tempting was NOT lying. if only i would have noticed what a good thing i had when i had it then maybe i'd still have it. im not gonna find someone else like kowame. no one is going to respect me the way he did. this boy was in LOVE with sex but never once pressured me into doing anything. he wouldnt even mention it. he never expected me to get all dolled up for him cause as long as he saw me he was happy..even if i had a scarf on my head and a tissue in my nose. he loved me for me...and it was a real, true, genuine love that i fear ill never find again. no need to dwell on the past tho. he's not. y should i? it's just weird to see him around and not speak. sometimes by reflex i go "there's my baby" and start to walk over to him but then i remember that we aint together no more and i back away. that shit hurts. to see him carry out the plans we made for b-ball season way back in june with another girl hurts my heart. to see her wear his varsity jacket and the little shirt that he got made for ME. to see him wink and wave at her during the game. to see them hugged up in the corner like we used to be. ughhh...WHY IN THE HELL DID I DO WHAT I DID?!? i know i dont still have real "feelings" for him..it's just that now that he's not mine and he's not available...i want him. the same way i wanted him when me and precious were fighting over him. why didnt i keep that same fight that i had then and the same desire that i have now? y did i just lose interest as soon as i "got him"? why am i sitting here alone wondering what he's doing and who he's talking to? i know he's either at a party (as usual) or at some girl house or on the phone. i even miss talkin to him on the phone. we'd talk for hours and hours...never getting tired of each other. i miss hearing him get into it with his brother and sister and mom. i miss the way he would sing (very badly) over the phone. i miss (almost) everything about that boy. but i can guarantee u that if he were to say he wanted me back...i'd make the same stupid mistakes i made the first time around and not appreciate him for what he is. i'd prolly do the same shit. ughhhhhh....
well i didnt mean to go off on a rampage like that!! after the game A.D called me and wanted me to go to the movies with him and rachael so i went...hoping to get my mind off of things. it worked (well for a while) we laughed and played around like little kids in the back of the theater. i love them too.
now im home thinkin about kowame...although i dont want to be...and writing in this damn journal. i dont wanna go to sleep cause i know as soon as i reach the REM state...wow who uses scientific wording like that? well as soon as i start to dream (lol) im gonna dream about him and all the old times we shared.
lord...