Confusion
I believe that I am too quickly endeared to people. The simple act of a genuine smile is all it takes to make me like most people. That affection will continue to grow with shared hours, shared smiles, laughter… I just wonder if it is only me.
Sometimes I wonder if others love me as I love them. Or does it even matter? Knowing that the affection is one sided will not lessen my emotions. It would not dampen the kinship I feel. So why do I care so much?
I want not to care what anyone thinks of me. Hell, I run around proclaiming my dorkdom, like a proud pennant, not having a second thought about those onlookers who laugh, stare unbelieving, or mutter disapprovingly. So why do I care so much about how my friends perceive me? Is it fear of not truly being accepted, or fear of being at the mercy of ingenuine emotion? Or is it fear at all? Is it just innate curiosity?
My constant need to ask questions gets the better of me far too often. However, in asking those questions, am I betraying the faith in which a friendship is forged?
I know it’s strange, but I wonder..
Sometimes I wonder if others love me as I love them. Or does it even matter? Knowing that the affection is one sided will not lessen my emotions. It would not dampen the kinship I feel. So why do I care so much?
I want not to care what anyone thinks of me. Hell, I run around proclaiming my dorkdom, like a proud pennant, not having a second thought about those onlookers who laugh, stare unbelieving, or mutter disapprovingly. So why do I care so much about how my friends perceive me? Is it fear of not truly being accepted, or fear of being at the mercy of ingenuine emotion? Or is it fear at all? Is it just innate curiosity?
My constant need to ask questions gets the better of me far too often. However, in asking those questions, am I betraying the faith in which a friendship is forged?
I know it’s strange, but I wonder..