Not Dead
It has been a very, very long time since I posted anything in my journal. Hell, aside from Facebook status updates and an occasional paragraph, it has been an even longer time since I've written anything worthwhile. Even now, I'm not terribly sure what to write.
I have been dealing with clinical depression which, in turn, took its toll on my relationship with Brian and caused us to officially break-up at the beginning of January. However, we still live in the same house. We spent almost a solid five months fighting and I was ready to go, but, after a harrowing and terrible weekend, I realized that I was not very healthy and decided to do something about it. I went to the doctor and was prescribed an antidepressant and now I feel not only better, but more like me.
Brian and I went out last week and during the drive home I asked him if he felt like he'd gotten his Amber back. He replied that he felt I was actually more like a new and improved version. When I asked him to explain that later, he said he felt like I was different--going through hell does that to you--but that he liked me even more than he used to.
I'm not sure what the future has in store for us, but we both know that we want there to be an "us," whether as friends or more has yet to be determined.
I'm working. I'm trying to make inroads in the community; there's a social group that gathers at my local yarn shop and I enjoy hanging out with the ladies there. Last spring, I did my first show with the local community theatre, but I wasn't as excited by it as I could have been since I was still mired in my depression. I am hoping, if I'm still in Shelbyville in the next few months, to audition for a part in an upcoming show.
And, I'm going to try to start writing again. It's been two years at least since I've done anything productive on that front. I wonder if I still have any talent....
I have been dealing with clinical depression which, in turn, took its toll on my relationship with Brian and caused us to officially break-up at the beginning of January. However, we still live in the same house. We spent almost a solid five months fighting and I was ready to go, but, after a harrowing and terrible weekend, I realized that I was not very healthy and decided to do something about it. I went to the doctor and was prescribed an antidepressant and now I feel not only better, but more like me.
Brian and I went out last week and during the drive home I asked him if he felt like he'd gotten his Amber back. He replied that he felt I was actually more like a new and improved version. When I asked him to explain that later, he said he felt like I was different--going through hell does that to you--but that he liked me even more than he used to.
I'm not sure what the future has in store for us, but we both know that we want there to be an "us," whether as friends or more has yet to be determined.
I'm working. I'm trying to make inroads in the community; there's a social group that gathers at my local yarn shop and I enjoy hanging out with the ladies there. Last spring, I did my first show with the local community theatre, but I wasn't as excited by it as I could have been since I was still mired in my depression. I am hoping, if I'm still in Shelbyville in the next few months, to audition for a part in an upcoming show.
And, I'm going to try to start writing again. It's been two years at least since I've done anything productive on that front. I wonder if I still have any talent....