(no subject)
So I have been wanting to write for a couple of days but there is just so much I have been wanting to say and I am so tired that it's hard to pinpoint any one thing and get out whatever I need to get out about it.
I guess what got me on here right now is the fact that I never have any money. When I do have money it's not just my money and usually we have to buy something for the kids like diapers. Any of the other money Joseph usually spends because he always complains about how he never has any money. This always just... gets me so annoyed. It's like we would have money if he would have gotten off his butt ages ago and gotten a job, found a way to make money but every job I have ever seen him get he has kept for about a day and then quit. He has only had two actual jobs that weren't just working for his Dad and literally I think at most he kept either job for a max of two days, and no, I'm not exaggerating, it was literally a span of 2 days at each job. The reason why is that he has like... no willpower whatsoever. Either that or despite whether or not he would admit it, he thinks Mommy and Daddy are going to be around forever to take care of him and his family so he never has to do it himself. One little thing goes wrong in his life and he just shits himself and drops everything. I mean, even when it's not something major. It's ANYTHING. Anything goes wrong and he's dropping it and like throwing his hands up in the air and giving up. He once tried to get onto me about giving up on something and I was just like... really? You're really going to sit here and tell me that I always give up when that's exactly what you do? I don't fucking give up. If I gave up every time something went wrong or didn't go my way, I would either be dead or long gone from this shit hole!
I almost lost the original point... okay so the point is that I hate not having any money because if I see something I like or if I need something, I can't just say, "oh hey, I need to get that" or "that's cute, I'm gonna' buy it" or "awesome, a sale!" No, I just have to look and think about how maybe someday I'll be able to act like a normal human being and be able to go to the store and have enough money in the bank that I can buy small things on a whim. Usually it's just a cute top or dress or something, right now it's more of a necessity because I haven't bought a new bra in over five years. My bras make my ribs hurt, my boobs are always popping out of them and I have been wondering why I have been having such issues but it's because they are too small and since the price for a bra my size is at least 20 dollars when it's on sale and I have to order them online because no where around here sells them, not only that but since it has been such a long time since I bought a bra, I'll have to buy multiple sizes and try them on so I can send back the ones that don't fit... well it's just a very difficult thing to do when you don't have a dime to your name.
I get soooooo sick of having to ask Joseph's parents for money for things I need. Mostly because I shouldn't even have to be asking them, I should have the money on my own or have been provided it by my husband. He always turns everything around to be my fault and most of it is just like... well I'm not ready to vent my frustrations on that yet and I don't think that without enough background that people would actually really be able to understand where I am coming from, if anyone even reads this anyway which is unlikely but unimportant to since I am just doing this for my own benefit and not an entertainment piece.
So the idiot that lives across the hall has been driving the new car. I don't know if I have mentioned that before and i have already expressed to my in-laws that I was afraid he is going to trash it before I even have a chance to drive it and Joseph's dad expressed the same. So I guess the idiot got mad at someone at WalMart (after he had just gotten Assistant Manager) and so he is quitting and starting work at PetSmart. I could really care less how often he job hunts my problem is this, Joseph's dad says that he never intended for jackass to keep that car and that he is supposed to be driving the blue one, so he plans on getting it an oil change and maybe a few other things and after jackass starts his new job (which he'll be working crazy hours from what I understand) he is going to be driving that car and not the black one. He is a terrible driver and has torn up more cars just because he is a terrible driver and doesn't know how to care for a car, then anyone else in the house. I'm slightly scared to drive the new car now because I'm afraid in the short time we have had it and he has been driving it, he has already ruined something. I am also afraid that Joseph's dad won't stick to his guns and actually force the dumbass to stop driving that car and drive the old one because no one is very firm with their decisions when it comes to the 35-year-old child.
On another note, I found a website that has learner's permit practice tests online and so I am going to be studying up on those, I figure that if I can show Joseph's dad that I am going to get my license and start by getting my permit, he'll make sure that car stays here. Otherwise I am not practicing driving on any of the other cars because I am already anxious as it is and don't need the extra stress of driving a car that has all of the dials in the dash broken or an oversized minivan.
I guess what got me on here right now is the fact that I never have any money. When I do have money it's not just my money and usually we have to buy something for the kids like diapers. Any of the other money Joseph usually spends because he always complains about how he never has any money. This always just... gets me so annoyed. It's like we would have money if he would have gotten off his butt ages ago and gotten a job, found a way to make money but every job I have ever seen him get he has kept for about a day and then quit. He has only had two actual jobs that weren't just working for his Dad and literally I think at most he kept either job for a max of two days, and no, I'm not exaggerating, it was literally a span of 2 days at each job. The reason why is that he has like... no willpower whatsoever. Either that or despite whether or not he would admit it, he thinks Mommy and Daddy are going to be around forever to take care of him and his family so he never has to do it himself. One little thing goes wrong in his life and he just shits himself and drops everything. I mean, even when it's not something major. It's ANYTHING. Anything goes wrong and he's dropping it and like throwing his hands up in the air and giving up. He once tried to get onto me about giving up on something and I was just like... really? You're really going to sit here and tell me that I always give up when that's exactly what you do? I don't fucking give up. If I gave up every time something went wrong or didn't go my way, I would either be dead or long gone from this shit hole!
I almost lost the original point... okay so the point is that I hate not having any money because if I see something I like or if I need something, I can't just say, "oh hey, I need to get that" or "that's cute, I'm gonna' buy it" or "awesome, a sale!" No, I just have to look and think about how maybe someday I'll be able to act like a normal human being and be able to go to the store and have enough money in the bank that I can buy small things on a whim. Usually it's just a cute top or dress or something, right now it's more of a necessity because I haven't bought a new bra in over five years. My bras make my ribs hurt, my boobs are always popping out of them and I have been wondering why I have been having such issues but it's because they are too small and since the price for a bra my size is at least 20 dollars when it's on sale and I have to order them online because no where around here sells them, not only that but since it has been such a long time since I bought a bra, I'll have to buy multiple sizes and try them on so I can send back the ones that don't fit... well it's just a very difficult thing to do when you don't have a dime to your name.
I get soooooo sick of having to ask Joseph's parents for money for things I need. Mostly because I shouldn't even have to be asking them, I should have the money on my own or have been provided it by my husband. He always turns everything around to be my fault and most of it is just like... well I'm not ready to vent my frustrations on that yet and I don't think that without enough background that people would actually really be able to understand where I am coming from, if anyone even reads this anyway which is unlikely but unimportant to since I am just doing this for my own benefit and not an entertainment piece.
So the idiot that lives across the hall has been driving the new car. I don't know if I have mentioned that before and i have already expressed to my in-laws that I was afraid he is going to trash it before I even have a chance to drive it and Joseph's dad expressed the same. So I guess the idiot got mad at someone at WalMart (after he had just gotten Assistant Manager) and so he is quitting and starting work at PetSmart. I could really care less how often he job hunts my problem is this, Joseph's dad says that he never intended for jackass to keep that car and that he is supposed to be driving the blue one, so he plans on getting it an oil change and maybe a few other things and after jackass starts his new job (which he'll be working crazy hours from what I understand) he is going to be driving that car and not the black one. He is a terrible driver and has torn up more cars just because he is a terrible driver and doesn't know how to care for a car, then anyone else in the house. I'm slightly scared to drive the new car now because I'm afraid in the short time we have had it and he has been driving it, he has already ruined something. I am also afraid that Joseph's dad won't stick to his guns and actually force the dumbass to stop driving that car and drive the old one because no one is very firm with their decisions when it comes to the 35-year-old child.
On another note, I found a website that has learner's permit practice tests online and so I am going to be studying up on those, I figure that if I can show Joseph's dad that I am going to get my license and start by getting my permit, he'll make sure that car stays here. Otherwise I am not practicing driving on any of the other cars because I am already anxious as it is and don't need the extra stress of driving a car that has all of the dials in the dash broken or an oversized minivan.