My Family...
(The following is an hour long spurt of thought and typing that resulted from a series of five nightmares Friday night...losing five of those most important to me, one after another.)
~~~~~
There are people in my life who mean more to me than anything. People who I can count on when I need someone to lean on. People I call my "Family." These people are my life...my cornerstones. Without all of them, I wouldn't be able to manage through all of the complications that life throws my way.
I know I don't have the hardest of lives- far from it. Despite how bad I think I have it, I know some have it worse; some of my "Family" being some of them. But they do their best to put up with all of my upsets about it, anyway, and I do the same for them. My "Family" are the only "things" that keep me sane despite how messed up my head gets and how compicated things seem. I know I could probably do better at doing the same, but I'm doing my best...there's only so much I can say before I start repeating myself and feeling like I'm not doing anything at all. Whether I say much or not, I am there for them...and always will be.
Some of them I've known since I was 6, some since I was 13, and some for less than a year...but they're all, to me, irreplacable. These people are my life...my cornerstones...my stability. I know I could show it better. I know I could...should...say it more than I do. I suppose I've lost so many people I called my family, my friends, that I've become afraid of saying it very much for fear of losing even more.
I know at times it may seem like some of them mean more to me than others, like I pay more attention to some than others... The second may be true, but not the first. They all me the world to me. They're all everything to me.
I love them all more than anything. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost any of them...even only one. They mean the world to me. To lose one of them...would turn my world upside down. My worst nightmares, practically all of my nightmares, are of losing one of those I value the most...of losing one of my "Family," in every way I could feasibly lose one of them. To lose them, any one of them, is my worst fear.
My friends...my Family...my world. You all mean so much to me...more than could ever be expressed. I know I don't say it much, not near as much as I should...but I love you all. More than I could ever tell you.
~~~~~~~~~~
Now...for those curious about how I've been doing...the answer is: not well. I've spent the last three days in so much pain I've barely been able to move. I couldn't even lay down in my own bed because it hurt so much...I had to sleep, packed in pillows, in the recliner the first two of those three nights. I actually managed to sleep in my bed for part of last night, but not the whole night. I thought I was better yesterday and went to my dad's mother's for lunch, but before we even got done with lunch I was in pain, again... I was fine when I woke up this morning, but now my back's starting to hurt, again, as are my ribs and waist. -.- I have no idea what's causing all of this pain or why it's refusing to leave...but damn if it isn't annoying as hell.
Besides that- like I said, I had a string of five nightmares last night. The worst I've had in my life... Five of those who are most important to me...dying...one after another. A random five out of the group of about 25 or 30 or so I call my "Family." Ice, Sesah, Broski, Q, and Arcness... *shudder* Damn but those really were THE worst nightmares I've ever had in my life...
I'm STILL nagging at my mother to get the damned home computer fixed. I swear, I'm spending all of the next week nagging at her to call the repairman.
~~~~~
There are people in my life who mean more to me than anything. People who I can count on when I need someone to lean on. People I call my "Family." These people are my life...my cornerstones. Without all of them, I wouldn't be able to manage through all of the complications that life throws my way.
I know I don't have the hardest of lives- far from it. Despite how bad I think I have it, I know some have it worse; some of my "Family" being some of them. But they do their best to put up with all of my upsets about it, anyway, and I do the same for them. My "Family" are the only "things" that keep me sane despite how messed up my head gets and how compicated things seem. I know I could probably do better at doing the same, but I'm doing my best...there's only so much I can say before I start repeating myself and feeling like I'm not doing anything at all. Whether I say much or not, I am there for them...and always will be.
Some of them I've known since I was 6, some since I was 13, and some for less than a year...but they're all, to me, irreplacable. These people are my life...my cornerstones...my stability. I know I could show it better. I know I could...should...say it more than I do. I suppose I've lost so many people I called my family, my friends, that I've become afraid of saying it very much for fear of losing even more.
I know at times it may seem like some of them mean more to me than others, like I pay more attention to some than others... The second may be true, but not the first. They all me the world to me. They're all everything to me.
I love them all more than anything. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost any of them...even only one. They mean the world to me. To lose one of them...would turn my world upside down. My worst nightmares, practically all of my nightmares, are of losing one of those I value the most...of losing one of my "Family," in every way I could feasibly lose one of them. To lose them, any one of them, is my worst fear.
My friends...my Family...my world. You all mean so much to me...more than could ever be expressed. I know I don't say it much, not near as much as I should...but I love you all. More than I could ever tell you.
~~~~~~~~~~
Now...for those curious about how I've been doing...the answer is: not well. I've spent the last three days in so much pain I've barely been able to move. I couldn't even lay down in my own bed because it hurt so much...I had to sleep, packed in pillows, in the recliner the first two of those three nights. I actually managed to sleep in my bed for part of last night, but not the whole night. I thought I was better yesterday and went to my dad's mother's for lunch, but before we even got done with lunch I was in pain, again... I was fine when I woke up this morning, but now my back's starting to hurt, again, as are my ribs and waist. -.- I have no idea what's causing all of this pain or why it's refusing to leave...but damn if it isn't annoying as hell.
Besides that- like I said, I had a string of five nightmares last night. The worst I've had in my life... Five of those who are most important to me...dying...one after another. A random five out of the group of about 25 or 30 or so I call my "Family." Ice, Sesah, Broski, Q, and Arcness... *shudder* Damn but those really were THE worst nightmares I've ever had in my life...
I'm STILL nagging at my mother to get the damned home computer fixed. I swear, I'm spending all of the next week nagging at her to call the repairman.