Random thoughts
Hmm, two entries in one day...if anyone were actually reading this, I would say "oh, what a treat!" Since no one IS actually reading this, I'll instead say "how peculiar." And "I hope I spelled "peculiar" correctly.
Right now, Joe is upstairs taking a little compatability quiz thing that my Pastor asked us to take when we went to see him to start our pre-marital councilling. I took my part last night, and Joe is taking his today. We're doing that for two reasons. First of all, we don't live together, so it's a little difficult to do something when the other has to be home at a certain time because he has to get up early for work (gag yuck puke.), and second, Pastor Jerry gave us explicit instructions not to do these together. If we did that, we might influence the other person into putting an answer down when we do not whole-heartedly agree or share the idea. The quiz is set up like a scantron, so the entire time I was going through it last night, I kept having flashbacks of when I was in High School. "You have exactly one hour to complete this test. You may only use pencil." Blah blah high school.
My pastor said that there's no right or wrong way to answer any given question. It's not a quiz that you can fail. It's mostly to see how closely we agree on a variety of subjects (sexuality, child-rearing, finances, communication and the like). And indeed, it is set up in such a way that you can't give a wrong answer: "select one for yes, two for no", "one is thoroughly disagree, two is disagree, three is neutral, four is agree, five is thoroughly agree", etc.
In taking this "quiz" thing, I came to two conclusions. The first is that Joe and I actually have a pretty good relationship. I've really been trying hard this last year to be more open with him; after my parents divorce, I really became a different person, a person who was closed off and didn't stand up for herself. But I've really been trying to change that part of me, and he's stood by my side the entire time. That's part of why I love him so much...but anyway. Looking at the communication aspect and if we enjoy spending time together, I think we've been really good at that, and I know we will only continue to get better. I know that sometimes I really don't like what he has to say, or I don't like how he says something, but instead of just letting it slide like I used to in previous relationships, I will let him know. I am no longer afraid to fight with someone. The way I was brought up, my parents never fought. So therefore, I thought that ANY fighting at ALL in ANY relationship was a completely catastrophic thing. But I know now that the lack-of fighting that I thought was so healthy was a big part of why my parent's marriage failed. The second thing that I noticed was that we have a lot farther to go than I thought. I mean, some of the questions were about who was going to control the finances, did we agree on how much we were going to save per month or per paycheck, were the chores going to be shared equally, if we had discussed the mothers and fathers roles in raising a child...we have not discussed ANY of this yet, because we really haven't been faced with these situations yet. I mean, we're not living together, and we're not pooling our money to pay our bills. We don't have any joint accounts, and even though we've talked about having kids and the fact that we know we're going to be good parents, we really haven't talked about discipline or if I'm going to work after we have children...none of that. So I know that we have a lot more to go in terms of talking and figuring the future out. I suppose that will come in time, and that will come when we are actually living together, but I'm the type of person who plans ahead...it's rather difficult of me to think of things in these terms because I really haven't been faced with the pressures of married life yet. But I know I soon will be.
Another thing: I do have fears about getting married. Not getting married to Joe, just getting married in general. I mean, I know that I'm not my parents, and I believe that there's not a problem that can't be worked out in marriage, but...at the same time, the divorce rate is so high here in the US. It worries me, because it means that there's always that small, slim chance that something could happen. I've watched the movie "Fireproof", and it DID help in some ways, but...I know that this movie and it's ideals are not a cure-all. Mostly, I'm afraid that since my parent's marriage failed, I will try too hard to keep Joe happy or I will try too hard to make the marriage work and end up pushing him away. He and I have only touched on this subject briefly, but...it's still something that really worries me.
I suppose that's all for now...just a thoughtful entry. Hopefully tomorrow (or later today, if my imaginary readers are lucky) I will have a more upbeat and optomistic entry. Until then...
Right now, Joe is upstairs taking a little compatability quiz thing that my Pastor asked us to take when we went to see him to start our pre-marital councilling. I took my part last night, and Joe is taking his today. We're doing that for two reasons. First of all, we don't live together, so it's a little difficult to do something when the other has to be home at a certain time because he has to get up early for work (gag yuck puke.), and second, Pastor Jerry gave us explicit instructions not to do these together. If we did that, we might influence the other person into putting an answer down when we do not whole-heartedly agree or share the idea. The quiz is set up like a scantron, so the entire time I was going through it last night, I kept having flashbacks of when I was in High School. "You have exactly one hour to complete this test. You may only use pencil." Blah blah high school.
My pastor said that there's no right or wrong way to answer any given question. It's not a quiz that you can fail. It's mostly to see how closely we agree on a variety of subjects (sexuality, child-rearing, finances, communication and the like). And indeed, it is set up in such a way that you can't give a wrong answer: "select one for yes, two for no", "one is thoroughly disagree, two is disagree, three is neutral, four is agree, five is thoroughly agree", etc.
In taking this "quiz" thing, I came to two conclusions. The first is that Joe and I actually have a pretty good relationship. I've really been trying hard this last year to be more open with him; after my parents divorce, I really became a different person, a person who was closed off and didn't stand up for herself. But I've really been trying to change that part of me, and he's stood by my side the entire time. That's part of why I love him so much...but anyway. Looking at the communication aspect and if we enjoy spending time together, I think we've been really good at that, and I know we will only continue to get better. I know that sometimes I really don't like what he has to say, or I don't like how he says something, but instead of just letting it slide like I used to in previous relationships, I will let him know. I am no longer afraid to fight with someone. The way I was brought up, my parents never fought. So therefore, I thought that ANY fighting at ALL in ANY relationship was a completely catastrophic thing. But I know now that the lack-of fighting that I thought was so healthy was a big part of why my parent's marriage failed. The second thing that I noticed was that we have a lot farther to go than I thought. I mean, some of the questions were about who was going to control the finances, did we agree on how much we were going to save per month or per paycheck, were the chores going to be shared equally, if we had discussed the mothers and fathers roles in raising a child...we have not discussed ANY of this yet, because we really haven't been faced with these situations yet. I mean, we're not living together, and we're not pooling our money to pay our bills. We don't have any joint accounts, and even though we've talked about having kids and the fact that we know we're going to be good parents, we really haven't talked about discipline or if I'm going to work after we have children...none of that. So I know that we have a lot more to go in terms of talking and figuring the future out. I suppose that will come in time, and that will come when we are actually living together, but I'm the type of person who plans ahead...it's rather difficult of me to think of things in these terms because I really haven't been faced with the pressures of married life yet. But I know I soon will be.
Another thing: I do have fears about getting married. Not getting married to Joe, just getting married in general. I mean, I know that I'm not my parents, and I believe that there's not a problem that can't be worked out in marriage, but...at the same time, the divorce rate is so high here in the US. It worries me, because it means that there's always that small, slim chance that something could happen. I've watched the movie "Fireproof", and it DID help in some ways, but...I know that this movie and it's ideals are not a cure-all. Mostly, I'm afraid that since my parent's marriage failed, I will try too hard to keep Joe happy or I will try too hard to make the marriage work and end up pushing him away. He and I have only touched on this subject briefly, but...it's still something that really worries me.
I suppose that's all for now...just a thoughtful entry. Hopefully tomorrow (or later today, if my imaginary readers are lucky) I will have a more upbeat and optomistic entry. Until then...