feeling like SHIT

[allyp013]

im feelin torn apart and really really sad.. sooo much is going on i dont even know where to begin.. kevins leaving for college in less than a week and im taking it pretty hard ive only seen him about 6 or 7 times this summer and all those times led to alot of thinking and tears. so im scared caus i want to see him before he leave we made plans to hang out for like at least a half'n hour thurs night im scared caus i know im gunna fuckin loose it hes going to smile like everythings fine and kiss me on the cheek and ill just loose myself my throat will get all tight and ill try to keep it together but adventually like everthing else it will slip.. the i miss you's and why are you leaving me speach and the never ending heartaching tears!!! why cant things be simple??? i dont understand why i cant just forget him .. i like my life i like matt sooo much and i dont want to disapoint him. andi dont want to suck him into my drama. idk how to explain exactly what im feeling.. its so confussing my emotions just keep changing so fast its scary one min. im fine next i want to just do w/e it takes to forget my past just block it out ALL OF IT!

like i said before .. to cayla...i have a talent for falling in hearts 'n kisses with heartbrakers and disapointments <\3..

ill update when i dont sound so friggn pathetic