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A QUICKIE NOT-ESSAY ON ENVY'S CANON UPDATE AND INTRO POST AND STUFF
SO ENVY PRETTY MUCH LOST IT IN HIR THREAD WITH HUGHES. As Hughes said: [god you got a million times crazier]
And it's kind of true! Envy is now being taken post-suicide, which means special, crazy things. Sie killed hirself and ended up back in camp. It's a complicated situation because this is both a second chance and like, the ultimate torment, AT THE SAME TIME. And hir mood vacillates wildly because of that.
The thing about Envy's death in the manga is that it's very, very lengthy and also very FINAL. Like, okay. Hughes was taken down in a quick gunshot blast in the prime of his life. I CANNOT ESSAY ON HOW HUGHES HAS DEALT WITH THAT IN CAMP, because I don't play Hughes! But his wife is here now, and his daughter, and he has them and they are living their lives and IIRC they're going off to another world where Hughes will be alive and they can ~live on~ and I know it made me tear up when I first read those threads baw. (Worst journal for this.)
BUT--Envy has nothing, really. Like, here is how Envy dies, if you haven't read it: sie admits to being Hughes's killer and Mustang totally destroys hir with fire OVER AND OVER AGAIN, giving hir no hope of escape or relief, and then when Envy is one hit away from permanent death, all of hir issues get exposed and pitied in one ultimately humiliating speech from hir worst enemy, and then sie kills herself. Also then everyone else on hir side dies or gets redeemed. SO THERE IS NOTHING LEFT FOR HIR. SAD!
(Sie absolutely deserved it, btw. Don't think I am not saying that. OH SIE SO DID.)
The thing about Envy's suicide is that I think it happened for a lot of reasons, and also that, in a sense, it was inevitable. There really is no other way for that story to end. I feel like, honestly, it's an essential part of Envy's character that sie is miserable and unhappy and very angry all the time. Sie is Envy! That's what that sin is ABOUT. I essayed on this before, but Envy is made of envy and envies humans and everyone else; the only way to give hirself pleasure is to alleviate that, and the only way to do that is to bring people down to hir level or lower. That's the whole reason why Envy gets off so much on seeing people defeated or forced to do twisted things. It's the only thing that makes hir happy because it's the only thing that addresses that feeling of constant envy; "If you're more pathetic than I am, if I'm better than you, I can be happy!" It's the same way that Greed constantly wants things; the difference is that getting things doesn't mean you have to hurt or kill people. I mean, he DOES, and he can, but he doesn't HAVE to, whereas dragging someone down and destroying them means . . . being a horrible, horrible dickface murderer all the time.
I was talking about this in badfic chan last night, and the homunculi do get some humanity in the manga, to varying degrees! We find out that Greed ONLY WANTED FRIENDS! And it's . . . probably possible maybe to write or play Envy as redeemable. Maybe. I don't know. It's not how I see hir; I feel like hir suicide drove that home. While Greed only wanted companionship and ~love~, Envy's death makes it clear that sie doesn't, hir response to human kindness and understanding is to kill hirself. I think that in many other mangas, as with many other characters of this type, Envy WOULD be redeemable through the power of positive reinforcement and love and humanity etc. Many such characters are! (I PLAY DEVIT, OKAY.) But the problem with Envy is that hir whole problem is that those traits are the reasons why sie hates humanity. There is nothing you can throw at hir that does not feed back into that loop.
AN EXAMPLE:
Scenario A: Envy meets a total asshole like hirself and they get along well and become REAL ACTUAL FRIENDS and so Envy knows the joys of companionship.
Result: Reinforcement of Envy's bad habits along with probable secret resentment stemming from hir envy of the other party, likelihood of backstabbing high due to complete self-centeredness and lack of empathy, BAD END
Scenario B: Envy meets a kind and loving Jesus-type who understands hir and forgives hir all hir sins and gives hir unconditional kindness.
Result: Envy very quickly grows to despise this person because they are the embodiment of all that sie is not and are better than hir in every way, seeks to break or destroy them for pleasure, either succeeds or breaks down in a tantrum of self-loathing when it doesn't happen, BAD END
I mean, sure, there are other ways this could go! But in the end I see it only leading to pain; after all, that's what happened when Ed confronted hir in the manga. So I think the suicide had a lot of motivations behind it. For one thing, it denied Our Heroes the pleasure of killing hir, which was a plus. Sie was dying anyway, and this allowed hir to control it, that was another plus. And then there was the aspect of it that was just . . . "I can't live any more." Envy had experienced the ultimate in humiliation--being called out on all hir secret motivations and jealousies by hir enemy, and then breaking down in front of him crying--and there is a line earlier in the manga where Envy actually says "What's the point of existing if someone humiliates me/us?" Envy just. Does not want to live a life where sie is inferior to anyone--and yet hir entire existence is like a constant reminder that sie is. THIS IS WHY ENVY IS SO HORRIBLE. And it's why sie had to die, and why it makes sense for hir to have taken hir own life. Hir very existence is not really sustainable. It's a constant struggle to cause others pain in order to alleviate hir own, but sie's not as strong as her enemy, so it's a doomed battle, and the knowledge of that plagues hir and makes it all even worse.
MY POINT: Envy is dead and it was really very final and necessary. . . . And now sie's here. AND HIR FEELINGS ARE MIXED.
On one hand, this is a second chance! It's--basically the afterlife, in a weird way! Sie's trapped here forever with no permanent death, and there are upsides to it. For one thing, no one is here who witnessed hir final breakdown. For another, there's like . . . endless opportunity to create strife. It's a tense environment full of people who barely know one another or have vast differences, some of whom are brand new and very naive, powerless, whatever. There are monsters and horrible things, no one can escape! IT'S A NASTY PLACE. And then there is the opportunity for hir to slink off into some other world from here and live again, causing all kinds of misery. Sie assumes that Father et al lost against the Elrics anyway, and besides sie can't go home because sie's dead, so sie's not worried about all that anymore. No more responsibility! Just good ol' misery for everyone! So in that sense, Envy is sort of pleased to be here.
On the other hand . . . it's basically the afterlife, in a weird way. Sie's trapped here forever with no permanent death. And one of the motives behind hir suicide was to escape from existence. Here, there IS no escape from existence. There's just ALL OF ETERNITY TO SUFFER HUMILIATION AND INFERIORITY. That's not a comforting thought, especially when threads like the one with Hughes shove it to the front of hir mind. Hughes sort of rubbed hir face in the fact that he CAN fight back against hir; he is not powerless or weak, and in fact he has an advantage here, and the thought of the GUY SIE KILLED having an ADVANTAGE is aaagghh agh torment! Disgusting! Humiliating! WHY!? It was just like a reminder that "Hey, guess what, you're alive again for the foreseeable future, and you still have problems! Have fun with that!"
So, long story short, yes, Envy is a bit crazier than sie was. Sie's come to the end of hir life--the point of no return, where GUESS WHAT DEATH IS YOUR BEST OPTION RIGHT NOW--and is still alive, and that's fucking with hir, because it's both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it's a fabulous opportunity, but on the other hand, a part of Envy was looking forward to the escape of death, and now sie doesn't have that. Sometimes circumstances remind hir of this and sie breaks down; other times it's more like "I have so many morons to fuck with here, this could be great!" Like ya do.
POOR LITTLE ABOMINATION.
SO ENVY PRETTY MUCH LOST IT IN HIR THREAD WITH HUGHES. As Hughes said: [god you got a million times crazier]
And it's kind of true! Envy is now being taken post-suicide, which means special, crazy things. Sie killed hirself and ended up back in camp. It's a complicated situation because this is both a second chance and like, the ultimate torment, AT THE SAME TIME. And hir mood vacillates wildly because of that.
The thing about Envy's death in the manga is that it's very, very lengthy and also very FINAL. Like, okay. Hughes was taken down in a quick gunshot blast in the prime of his life. I CANNOT ESSAY ON HOW HUGHES HAS DEALT WITH THAT IN CAMP, because I don't play Hughes! But his wife is here now, and his daughter, and he has them and they are living their lives and IIRC they're going off to another world where Hughes will be alive and they can ~live on~ and I know it made me tear up when I first read those threads baw. (Worst journal for this.)
BUT--Envy has nothing, really. Like, here is how Envy dies, if you haven't read it: sie admits to being Hughes's killer and Mustang totally destroys hir with fire OVER AND OVER AGAIN, giving hir no hope of escape or relief, and then when Envy is one hit away from permanent death, all of hir issues get exposed and pitied in one ultimately humiliating speech from hir worst enemy, and then sie kills herself. Also then everyone else on hir side dies or gets redeemed. SO THERE IS NOTHING LEFT FOR HIR. SAD!
(Sie absolutely deserved it, btw. Don't think I am not saying that. OH SIE SO DID.)
The thing about Envy's suicide is that I think it happened for a lot of reasons, and also that, in a sense, it was inevitable. There really is no other way for that story to end. I feel like, honestly, it's an essential part of Envy's character that sie is miserable and unhappy and very angry all the time. Sie is Envy! That's what that sin is ABOUT. I essayed on this before, but Envy is made of envy and envies humans and everyone else; the only way to give hirself pleasure is to alleviate that, and the only way to do that is to bring people down to hir level or lower. That's the whole reason why Envy gets off so much on seeing people defeated or forced to do twisted things. It's the only thing that makes hir happy because it's the only thing that addresses that feeling of constant envy; "If you're more pathetic than I am, if I'm better than you, I can be happy!" It's the same way that Greed constantly wants things; the difference is that getting things doesn't mean you have to hurt or kill people. I mean, he DOES, and he can, but he doesn't HAVE to, whereas dragging someone down and destroying them means . . . being a horrible, horrible dickface murderer all the time.
I was talking about this in badfic chan last night, and the homunculi do get some humanity in the manga, to varying degrees! We find out that Greed ONLY WANTED FRIENDS! And it's . . . probably possible maybe to write or play Envy as redeemable. Maybe. I don't know. It's not how I see hir; I feel like hir suicide drove that home. While Greed only wanted companionship and ~love~, Envy's death makes it clear that sie doesn't, hir response to human kindness and understanding is to kill hirself. I think that in many other mangas, as with many other characters of this type, Envy WOULD be redeemable through the power of positive reinforcement and love and humanity etc. Many such characters are! (I PLAY DEVIT, OKAY.) But the problem with Envy is that hir whole problem is that those traits are the reasons why sie hates humanity. There is nothing you can throw at hir that does not feed back into that loop.
AN EXAMPLE:
Scenario A: Envy meets a total asshole like hirself and they get along well and become REAL ACTUAL FRIENDS and so Envy knows the joys of companionship.
Result: Reinforcement of Envy's bad habits along with probable secret resentment stemming from hir envy of the other party, likelihood of backstabbing high due to complete self-centeredness and lack of empathy, BAD END
Scenario B: Envy meets a kind and loving Jesus-type who understands hir and forgives hir all hir sins and gives hir unconditional kindness.
Result: Envy very quickly grows to despise this person because they are the embodiment of all that sie is not and are better than hir in every way, seeks to break or destroy them for pleasure, either succeeds or breaks down in a tantrum of self-loathing when it doesn't happen, BAD END
I mean, sure, there are other ways this could go! But in the end I see it only leading to pain; after all, that's what happened when Ed confronted hir in the manga. So I think the suicide had a lot of motivations behind it. For one thing, it denied Our Heroes the pleasure of killing hir, which was a plus. Sie was dying anyway, and this allowed hir to control it, that was another plus. And then there was the aspect of it that was just . . . "I can't live any more." Envy had experienced the ultimate in humiliation--being called out on all hir secret motivations and jealousies by hir enemy, and then breaking down in front of him crying--and there is a line earlier in the manga where Envy actually says "What's the point of existing if someone humiliates me/us?" Envy just. Does not want to live a life where sie is inferior to anyone--and yet hir entire existence is like a constant reminder that sie is. THIS IS WHY ENVY IS SO HORRIBLE. And it's why sie had to die, and why it makes sense for hir to have taken hir own life. Hir very existence is not really sustainable. It's a constant struggle to cause others pain in order to alleviate hir own, but sie's not as strong as her enemy, so it's a doomed battle, and the knowledge of that plagues hir and makes it all even worse.
MY POINT: Envy is dead and it was really very final and necessary. . . . And now sie's here. AND HIR FEELINGS ARE MIXED.
On one hand, this is a second chance! It's--basically the afterlife, in a weird way! Sie's trapped here forever with no permanent death, and there are upsides to it. For one thing, no one is here who witnessed hir final breakdown. For another, there's like . . . endless opportunity to create strife. It's a tense environment full of people who barely know one another or have vast differences, some of whom are brand new and very naive, powerless, whatever. There are monsters and horrible things, no one can escape! IT'S A NASTY PLACE. And then there is the opportunity for hir to slink off into some other world from here and live again, causing all kinds of misery. Sie assumes that Father et al lost against the Elrics anyway, and besides sie can't go home because sie's dead, so sie's not worried about all that anymore. No more responsibility! Just good ol' misery for everyone! So in that sense, Envy is sort of pleased to be here.
On the other hand . . . it's basically the afterlife, in a weird way. Sie's trapped here forever with no permanent death. And one of the motives behind hir suicide was to escape from existence. Here, there IS no escape from existence. There's just ALL OF ETERNITY TO SUFFER HUMILIATION AND INFERIORITY. That's not a comforting thought, especially when threads like the one with Hughes shove it to the front of hir mind. Hughes sort of rubbed hir face in the fact that he CAN fight back against hir; he is not powerless or weak, and in fact he has an advantage here, and the thought of the GUY SIE KILLED having an ADVANTAGE is aaagghh agh torment! Disgusting! Humiliating! WHY!? It was just like a reminder that "Hey, guess what, you're alive again for the foreseeable future, and you still have problems! Have fun with that!"
So, long story short, yes, Envy is a bit crazier than sie was. Sie's come to the end of hir life--the point of no return, where GUESS WHAT DEATH IS YOUR BEST OPTION RIGHT NOW--and is still alive, and that's fucking with hir, because it's both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it's a fabulous opportunity, but on the other hand, a part of Envy was looking forward to the escape of death, and now sie doesn't have that. Sometimes circumstances remind hir of this and sie breaks down; other times it's more like "I have so many morons to fuck with here, this could be great!" Like ya do.
POOR LITTLE ABOMINATION.