Calling my Children Home
There is a plan in the works for me to go back to America this summer with Bastian. As such, I've been trying to handle some paperwork and get Bastian ready to go. Although he doesn't have to have his American citizenship to travel to America (obviously... Germans ARE allowed to come to America,) I spent some time looking into getting him his dual citizenship. There will be hoops.
Curiously, I found myself really... not wanting to do this. I am completely unmotivated to pack the family up and go to Munich and do all this. I mean I will because he has a birthright and it's his decision, but I don't want to. I don't want to because I am afraid that he is going to grow up and decide to go live in America and leave me here.
I don't want to do it because it will make it easier for my son to do exactly what I did to my parents. And to those who would call it a long shot- au contraire. I did it.
I guess parenthood has allowed me to feel a level of empathy with my parents I never have before. I have been feeling REALLY down about this. It's not because I miss them (though I do.) It's because I have a bone deep understanding of the pain I potentially put them through in pursuit of my own happiness. Without a backwards glance. Someday, my son will do the same sorts of things and, even if it's not in a transatlantic way, I will have to let him go.
I still want to be called home sometimes. I hope he feels the same way when he's all grown up.
Curiously, I found myself really... not wanting to do this. I am completely unmotivated to pack the family up and go to Munich and do all this. I mean I will because he has a birthright and it's his decision, but I don't want to. I don't want to because I am afraid that he is going to grow up and decide to go live in America and leave me here.
I don't want to do it because it will make it easier for my son to do exactly what I did to my parents. And to those who would call it a long shot- au contraire. I did it.
I guess parenthood has allowed me to feel a level of empathy with my parents I never have before. I have been feeling REALLY down about this. It's not because I miss them (though I do.) It's because I have a bone deep understanding of the pain I potentially put them through in pursuit of my own happiness. Without a backwards glance. Someday, my son will do the same sorts of things and, even if it's not in a transatlantic way, I will have to let him go.
Click to viewI still want to be called home sometimes. I hope he feels the same way when he's all grown up.