I'm Still Here...
So I haven't written an entry in over four months and I really haven't kept in touch with a lot of people this summer. I just got back from Pennsylvania today and I realized that the month of July is almost over. I leave for Florida in less than a month which makes me both nervous and excited at the same time. I can't believe that summer is almost over, I haven't gotten to do a lot of the things that I wanted to this summer. I've been working a lot and I haven't really had a lot of time to hang out with friends, which is my fault mostly. Because I'm leaving in less than 30 days I think that I need to hang out with everyone as much as I can before the 23rd, which is when I leave for Tampa. The thought of going to the airport and getting on that plane makes me want to cry, but also smile at the same time. I don't want anything to change while I'm gone and I don't know if that's too much to ask for. I feel like crying now at the thought of leaving and having things change. I'm leaving my friends and my family for three and a half months and going to a place where I don't know anyone. I did the same thing at Champlain and I was nervous when I went there too, but for some reason it seems scarier going to a school that's about 1000 miles from home. Saying goodbye to everyone here, even though it's not forever is another thing that I'm not looking forward to. I'm not good at saying goodbye to anyone and I tend to get very emotional with things like that. I remember saying goodbye to everyone at Champlain, and it was hard. I'd like to think that I'm going to see all of my friends from there again, but you never know. Part of me wishes that I was going back there this fall, but I think that's only because I feel comfortable there and I'm familiar with things at that school. Then again, I'm glad to be going to another school and I'm hoping that things will be different than they were there. I felt judged by everyone at that school and I always thought that if I was my true self I would get criticized and looked at differently. My self esteem went downhill after being there, but then again, it could just be in my head. I just never felt that I could be 'the real me' around many people... I didn't even feel comfortable in my dorm room. There were certain incidents that occurred that I decided not to tell anyone about because I didn't want to cause more drama, so for the last month at that school I hid my feelings and anger that I had for 75% of the people that I knew there, just so the last month wouldn't be as bad as I could have made it. People are supposed to make friends at college that they're supposed to keep for a lifetime... I guess I went to the wrong college. Don't get me wrong, I made a few friends there that I will always remember and want to stay friends with for a long time. Sometimes I wonder what Champlain would have been like if I had been roommates with Erica or Haley... or even Chayna or Liz. The only thing that I'm really going to miss about that school are the people above. Maybe I'm making too much of a big deal over this or maybe I'm just in an angry mood today, that's probably why I chose to write this now. I'm just thankful for the few people there that I became friends with and that I can honestly say that I'll never forget. Being up there also made me thankful for the friends I have from high school. Carolyn and Jessica are two of the best friends anyone could ask for and even though some people don't keep in touch after graduation, I'm hoping that we stay friends for a long time. No one can replace friends like them, no matter what school I go to.