alone in a crowded room
i have a lot of friends...no doubt but i feel so left out in the group that i care about so much. no names but i have been friends with these people for so long and i feel like they dont accept me or want me because i hang out with different people and participate in very very different activities. they always talk about being bored and then tell me i never call them! maybe i want them to call me?! maybe just becaus ei have alife outside of the group doesnt mean i want to be any less of a friend. it just pisses me off that everyone expects me to do all the planning, all the calling. and then they talk about "group" things they do which is cool but it is kinda depressing because i want to badly to be able to live my "other" life but still be asked to participate in theirs.....BUT apparantly i have to call them if i want any sort of connection. i just dont feel like i can be myself with them and that, in the end, is what hurts the most. i dont feel supported by them, i dont feel wanted or accepted. i am not changing who i am and i am not going to go crawling after them. if the friendship is as important as they say it is, they know the number. it just hurts....really really hurts