Ask me to stay! Is it so much?
I'm a little frustrated with my boyfriend John at the moment. I went over tonight and at about 9:30 we went to his room to finish watching American Idol because his bed is more comfortable than his small, lumpy couch. After Idol he said he needed to brush his teeth so he went to the bathroom and I got out of bed and sat on the chair next to the bed. I was fiddling with some of the things on the chair and when he came out of the bathroom I was still sitting there. He smiled at me and then turned off the bedroom light and walked out to the living room. At first I thought he was just going to turn off the kitchen lights but when he didn't come back a few minutes later, I went out to the living room and saw him with his computer. I was sort of frustrated but I didn't let him see it. Half-teasing half-serious I asked, "Are you playing poker?"
He grinned at me and said, "Maybe."
I shrugged, rolled my eyes, and sat down. Let me tell you, I felt very unwanted. He normally turns the TV on when he plays with his computer and in all honesty, it doesn't really bug me that much. I see him everday and I don't need to be worshipped or shown constant affection or attention. However, I didn't really like just sitting on the couch watching him fiddle with his online poker game. A few minutes after that I got up, put my sandals on, and grabbed my car keys. I figured he wanted to be alone and this was his way of telling me he wanted his space - totally fine with me, I don't need to be around him 24/7 and I understand everyone needs some alone time at night to wind down.
John looked a little hurt. He asked, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "Leaving. I figure you want to play your game."
He still looked hurt and asked, "I'm not really tired. Do you want to watch me play?"
I put my stuff down and sat back on the couch. I asked him, "Do you want me to sit and watch you play poker?"
He looked sulky and said, "I don't know what I want. I could turn the TV on..."
I said, "I don't really want to watch TV."
He hunched himself up and kept his eyes on the game. "Oh. Ok."
I shrugged and mentally said, Fuck it and got off the couch and picked my things up again. "I'm going home." I put on my sandals again and said, "Bye, bye."
As I was leaving he said, "Good luck on your exam."
I turned around and told him, "I'm going to fail!"
"Why?" he asked, looking upset that I was actually going.
I said, "Because no matter how hard I study, I don't understand it." I really, really wanted to add, That's why I brought my book over for you to help me! but I didn't because I didn't want to be cruel and hurt him when I wasn't exactly mad, just a little hurt myself.
He said, "Oh..." and just kept looking at me. I could see in his face he didn't want me to go but I left because I didn't feel like sticking around. I was hurt.
All I wanted, I realize now, was for him to say, "Stay, because I want you to." I know it's asking a lot, especially from a guy, but really, that's what I needed. I guess I'm just being selfish, but I was hurt.
He grinned at me and said, "Maybe."
I shrugged, rolled my eyes, and sat down. Let me tell you, I felt very unwanted. He normally turns the TV on when he plays with his computer and in all honesty, it doesn't really bug me that much. I see him everday and I don't need to be worshipped or shown constant affection or attention. However, I didn't really like just sitting on the couch watching him fiddle with his online poker game. A few minutes after that I got up, put my sandals on, and grabbed my car keys. I figured he wanted to be alone and this was his way of telling me he wanted his space - totally fine with me, I don't need to be around him 24/7 and I understand everyone needs some alone time at night to wind down.
John looked a little hurt. He asked, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "Leaving. I figure you want to play your game."
He still looked hurt and asked, "I'm not really tired. Do you want to watch me play?"
I put my stuff down and sat back on the couch. I asked him, "Do you want me to sit and watch you play poker?"
He looked sulky and said, "I don't know what I want. I could turn the TV on..."
I said, "I don't really want to watch TV."
He hunched himself up and kept his eyes on the game. "Oh. Ok."
I shrugged and mentally said, Fuck it and got off the couch and picked my things up again. "I'm going home." I put on my sandals again and said, "Bye, bye."
As I was leaving he said, "Good luck on your exam."
I turned around and told him, "I'm going to fail!"
"Why?" he asked, looking upset that I was actually going.
I said, "Because no matter how hard I study, I don't understand it." I really, really wanted to add, That's why I brought my book over for you to help me! but I didn't because I didn't want to be cruel and hurt him when I wasn't exactly mad, just a little hurt myself.
He said, "Oh..." and just kept looking at me. I could see in his face he didn't want me to go but I left because I didn't feel like sticking around. I was hurt.
All I wanted, I realize now, was for him to say, "Stay, because I want you to." I know it's asking a lot, especially from a guy, but really, that's what I needed. I guess I'm just being selfish, but I was hurt.