on boys
i'm happy he and i are friends. really. we spent the whole basketball game on monday night catching up on each other's lives after not really speaking for a month and a half. it was pleasant, chatting, laughing, making jokes about the game. everything comes naturally for us. we know each other so well, and i couldn't be happier to have someone who i can talk to about anything.
but sometimes, the reality of it all kicks me in the ass. like at the game last night. this is the boy who said he loved me more than anything in the world. who promised to be committed to me. who said that no matter what happened to us, he would still care about me. and sometimes, it's like we were never in a relationship at all. sometimes i'm just completely ignored, or brushed off with curt answers while he talks to people who are more important than i am. did i waste a year of my life? is this friendship? everything has changed. i hate it deeper than anything.
i'm losing you and it's effortless.
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we met up outside our asian history class yesterday afternoon. he immediately struck up a conversation with me about the class and other history classes we're taking. we walked into the room together and sat down next to one another in the front row, still talking. he even kept whispering to me throughout the few minutes we spent in the class.
and of course, the whole time my heart was all fluttery. i shivered every time i looked over at him. he is pretty much gorgeous...as charming and adorable as ever.
maybe i should feel wrong about crushing on my ex, but knowing that nothing serious will ever happen between us makes it better, in a way.
omg. the pretty. it's going to be a good semester. :3
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three years ago, i would never have imagined this happening. the way we have moved past our relationship...the way i've gotten over it.
now, it's normal to just get together and start kissing. the way he pulls me in close, the way our hands lazily clasp together. it's a casual kind of thing. we kiss between sentences, smiling and making jokes and pressing our lips together as we talk. it's not love, but it's amazing being close to someone, and feeling like i'm being cared for.
i feel better about him, and about all the boys i've made out with, knowing that it's not a serious thing. we're both single, we both get lonely. i mean, what's so wrong about that?
i like it.
but sometimes, the reality of it all kicks me in the ass. like at the game last night. this is the boy who said he loved me more than anything in the world. who promised to be committed to me. who said that no matter what happened to us, he would still care about me. and sometimes, it's like we were never in a relationship at all. sometimes i'm just completely ignored, or brushed off with curt answers while he talks to people who are more important than i am. did i waste a year of my life? is this friendship? everything has changed. i hate it deeper than anything.
i'm losing you and it's effortless.
-----
we met up outside our asian history class yesterday afternoon. he immediately struck up a conversation with me about the class and other history classes we're taking. we walked into the room together and sat down next to one another in the front row, still talking. he even kept whispering to me throughout the few minutes we spent in the class.
and of course, the whole time my heart was all fluttery. i shivered every time i looked over at him. he is pretty much gorgeous...as charming and adorable as ever.
maybe i should feel wrong about crushing on my ex, but knowing that nothing serious will ever happen between us makes it better, in a way.
omg. the pretty. it's going to be a good semester. :3
-----
three years ago, i would never have imagined this happening. the way we have moved past our relationship...the way i've gotten over it.
now, it's normal to just get together and start kissing. the way he pulls me in close, the way our hands lazily clasp together. it's a casual kind of thing. we kiss between sentences, smiling and making jokes and pressing our lips together as we talk. it's not love, but it's amazing being close to someone, and feeling like i'm being cared for.
i feel better about him, and about all the boys i've made out with, knowing that it's not a serious thing. we're both single, we both get lonely. i mean, what's so wrong about that?
i like it.