subjectless.
I haven't updated in a while, mostly because I feel like I have nothing to say. I don't feel anything, I'm never happy and I don't really care about anything anymore. I wake up sometimes go to class, drink everyday excessive amounts, blaze more often then not and sleep. I'm never natuarally happy, it's always the ingrediants in stuff that makes me the least bit happy. I can't deal with Anthony's feelings so I ignore them, and him most of the time. My friends are amazing don't get me wrong, but I can't talk to them as much as I'd like. I always know they'd listen I just don't want to tell them.
I avoid confrontation, and social events that don't have alcohol, and work way too much. I don't go out if I can't drink or blaze because I don't ever feel that natural high that I used to love so much. I assume this is all because of many unsolved issues but I just don't want to deal with them now because it's been so long. I pretend I'm okay and I've moved on but I'm not and I haven't. I pick up extra shifts a lot just so I can not be at school and deal with people.
I love Miami, I really do and I love the people but lately it's been way to much for me to deal with. Everything I should find happiness in I just don't, and I long to feel something besides overwhelmed, regretful, and sadness. I used to never regret a thing in my life no matter what it was, now I find myself regretting everything I do or even think about doing.
I was at a party once and this kid offered me harddd drugs, drugs I always said I'd never do and for a little while I was considering it. I don't know what stopped me, but I know I wanted to feel something, something I thought I could feel if I did that. I regret not doing it. I'm pathetic.
I avoid confrontation, and social events that don't have alcohol, and work way too much. I don't go out if I can't drink or blaze because I don't ever feel that natural high that I used to love so much. I assume this is all because of many unsolved issues but I just don't want to deal with them now because it's been so long. I pretend I'm okay and I've moved on but I'm not and I haven't. I pick up extra shifts a lot just so I can not be at school and deal with people.
I love Miami, I really do and I love the people but lately it's been way to much for me to deal with. Everything I should find happiness in I just don't, and I long to feel something besides overwhelmed, regretful, and sadness. I used to never regret a thing in my life no matter what it was, now I find myself regretting everything I do or even think about doing.
I was at a party once and this kid offered me harddd drugs, drugs I always said I'd never do and for a little while I was considering it. I don't know what stopped me, but I know I wanted to feel something, something I thought I could feel if I did that. I regret not doing it. I'm pathetic.