(no subject)

[allxofxme]

surprise surprise i hear another piece of news about rn programs that brings me to tears. because hcc fucked up i am a semester behind. even taking summer courses will barely help. i will have my ad at the end of fall 2006, but now i find out no schools i have been looking into accept students for their rn programs in the spring, only the fall semester. what the fuck have i been working so hard for? rejection. another bump. another frustrating bullshit detour to keep me from where i should be. i'm trying to be reasonable and accept it and look at a semester off as an opportunity to do things but i feel like i'll waste my time not being in school. i try thinking maybe this is meant to happen but i've worked so hard i can't imagine being denied to something i've wanted to god damn badly. i hate my jobs. i need to be more than a cna but i can't until i get into an rn program. i can't do that until fall 2007 and if i don't go to school i will lose all my motivation and i'll fucking end up stuck in jobs i hate but can't do anything about. my mom is trying to tell me i should go to europe or travel. i don't have the money for that unless i work. i don't get paid enough at my jobs in my position to afford the time.

i'd rather keep killing myself in school to get where i want to be than sit on my ass for a semester working a job i hate.

maybe this is my chance to try emt over being a cna. its just so hard to not let this break me down more than it has. what more news could have disappointed me this year? first hcc, then umass, then being mislead by the schools i looked at, no one having any fucking answers for me.

i have an anatomy practical tomorrow that i can't even think about right now.