Last Thoughts Before Bed
The Academic Festival. I hate this time of year...I always feel so damn insignificant and unimportant...and just flat out not good enough. A few people came by to see my poster but I think they just did it to humor me and keep me company. Not as many as the others and I was stuffed in the far corner where no one saw me. Makes me feel a little sad, actually...or overlooked. I wish I was doing something that I believed in and something that mattered. Hell, I just want to be respected among my academic peers. That's not too much to ask for.
Debating if I should stop acting like the stupid one so I can stop getting this crap I've been receiving that's only starting to get on my nerves more than normal...However, I enjoy a good laugh or three at myself and making other people laugh at my expense brings a smile to their face when they need it...then again I shouldn't do that if it bothers me so much...I don't know...
I had a heart-to-heart with Carey. I learned a few things about him and vice versa.
I still can't shake the voice of my father no matter how hard I try. It drives me to work more and harder, neglecting things and people I want to spend time with...so it's annoying to say the least. People think I'm so smart...not really, I just work hard. I think I'm dumb as shit despite the fact that I'm probably my own worst critic. Overall, this voice hinders my work and makes me more apprehensive about what I do...or more like it gives me an anxiety attack or a panic attack if I think too much about my dad/work.
Talking to some people makes me feel dumb.
Summary: I'm feeling kind of worthless right now after today. Just thought I'd get that out of my system so I can move on with my day tomorrow a bit more efficiently.
Debating if I should stop acting like the stupid one so I can stop getting this crap I've been receiving that's only starting to get on my nerves more than normal...However, I enjoy a good laugh or three at myself and making other people laugh at my expense brings a smile to their face when they need it...then again I shouldn't do that if it bothers me so much...I don't know...
I had a heart-to-heart with Carey. I learned a few things about him and vice versa.
I still can't shake the voice of my father no matter how hard I try. It drives me to work more and harder, neglecting things and people I want to spend time with...so it's annoying to say the least. People think I'm so smart...not really, I just work hard. I think I'm dumb as shit despite the fact that I'm probably my own worst critic. Overall, this voice hinders my work and makes me more apprehensive about what I do...or more like it gives me an anxiety attack or a panic attack if I think too much about my dad/work.
Talking to some people makes me feel dumb.
Summary: I'm feeling kind of worthless right now after today. Just thought I'd get that out of my system so I can move on with my day tomorrow a bit more efficiently.