(no subject)
i think im the only one who hates summer, i get all depressed in summer. even though every thing is going good well mostly every thing i still feel in the dumps for some reason every year. saturday i have my things in a gallery in new hope called artistic attitudes every one should go see my things ,im proud of my self . my job is good during the week too , i like it even though its like hard labor warehouse work , for some reason i feel like i am part of something big working there, like an ant in an ant farm every one helps and its the only way to get every thing done is work together, really it makes me feel like an ant. cuz im just one little person in the whole place moving boxing walking lifting , its really mechanical , a man made mini world in side the doors of eckerd, humans should get over them selves we are really just like every other species it would be nice live like a cave woman or a native indian , being really broke makes me less materialistic. i think its for the better. i hate my boyfriend so much some times who says they dont want to hang out with thier girlfriend all weekend when i offered to go up to his house even for just a few hours he says no he soesnt want to but its my only weekend off for the rest of the summer. so i prob wont see him for like a month , if he doesnt want to see me then i am gonna try to not want to see him back there is no point. and i needed help with setting up my gallery my whole family is busy my parents are going away and he wont even help me , to me the gallery is a big deal , im the only one proud of my self, i guess its not a big thing really, my career is a joke any one i tell who asks what i want to be just kinda gives me the oh thats "nice" response, its really fucking motivating , what ever eveyr one can live thier nine to five lives if thast what makes them happy , just leave me be at least i have education. birth is weird too, life is weird, you grow a small person in you and then you push it out of your vagina and thast how the world keeps going it seems like aliens should do this not us. be again us like humans have so much pressure to be responisible for the thing in them thats gonna be the next generation , no animals are put blame on for every parenting mistake they make that will fuck up thier childs adulthood, just people. really none of us really matter enough tp care about eachothers feelings as long as the universe still goes on in the order it should. i watch to much dr. phil, but its soo good. and so unnecessary. i think im dying, im sick every day and going kind of crazy , i need a serious fatal illness to make me appreciate life more . i think im just sober to much now . blah