i confess, because i can't hide forever...
there are times in life that you know something is true because you doubt/question it so much. when that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach becomes something you almost fear because it's so right. you may have tried to stay in one place, and not budge at all, but you're moving. and you may have built that wall up around you high enough that you thought no one could possibly make it over, but suddenly there's someone standing right next to you.
and then i laugh, and i realize i'm writing this because i know he won't read it. he doesn't know about this journal. it's my confession, yet it's still my secret. and i'm pretty sure that maybe two people might read this, because most of you think i've fallen off the face of the planet.
we've been together for almost six months now. from the beginning the chips were stacked against it working (he lives thress hours from here and we met randomly in the courtyard of my roommate's best friend's boyfriend's apartment complex...i was gone less than twelve hours later). my mindset was against it working (he hunts...am i really dating a hunter?). but low and behold, six months later, i'm incredibly happy. i miss him when he leaves. i don't sleep as well when i don't get to say good night to him on the phone. and before he left for montana before the sun was rising yesterday, he signed his note "that guy that thinks he's falling for you".
after gushing to my roommate about it, we've decided that he already knows that he's in love with me, he just doesn't want to be the first to say it. and who could blame him? that's a scary, vulnerable place to be. and i can say that i'm too scared to be the first person to say it also. i've kinda had that blow up in my face. not fun at all. i've also, in almost all of my relationships, been the chaser...but not this time. from the day after we met, he's been the chaser (although i haven't really played hard to get). he's amazing and playful. he's strong, but feels safe enough to show me his weaknesses. i've seen him through his toughest time, and i've let my guard down enough to let him see me when i'm sick. he listens and asks questions because he cares. and when he looks into my eyes, when i feel that i've shown him everything i can of myself, i feel beautiful. i feel respected, wanted, loved, and safe.
it's taken me almost two years since ted and i broke up to feel like i could really handle being in a relationship. i had to work on myself and figure out what it was i wanted to find in someone...and what i was willing to give. those two years have helped me grow and become someone that i am truly proud of.
i confess because i can't hide forever...but this entry has become my message in a bottle...
and then i laugh, and i realize i'm writing this because i know he won't read it. he doesn't know about this journal. it's my confession, yet it's still my secret. and i'm pretty sure that maybe two people might read this, because most of you think i've fallen off the face of the planet.
we've been together for almost six months now. from the beginning the chips were stacked against it working (he lives thress hours from here and we met randomly in the courtyard of my roommate's best friend's boyfriend's apartment complex...i was gone less than twelve hours later). my mindset was against it working (he hunts...am i really dating a hunter?). but low and behold, six months later, i'm incredibly happy. i miss him when he leaves. i don't sleep as well when i don't get to say good night to him on the phone. and before he left for montana before the sun was rising yesterday, he signed his note "that guy that thinks he's falling for you".
after gushing to my roommate about it, we've decided that he already knows that he's in love with me, he just doesn't want to be the first to say it. and who could blame him? that's a scary, vulnerable place to be. and i can say that i'm too scared to be the first person to say it also. i've kinda had that blow up in my face. not fun at all. i've also, in almost all of my relationships, been the chaser...but not this time. from the day after we met, he's been the chaser (although i haven't really played hard to get). he's amazing and playful. he's strong, but feels safe enough to show me his weaknesses. i've seen him through his toughest time, and i've let my guard down enough to let him see me when i'm sick. he listens and asks questions because he cares. and when he looks into my eyes, when i feel that i've shown him everything i can of myself, i feel beautiful. i feel respected, wanted, loved, and safe.
it's taken me almost two years since ted and i broke up to feel like i could really handle being in a relationship. i had to work on myself and figure out what it was i wanted to find in someone...and what i was willing to give. those two years have helped me grow and become someone that i am truly proud of.
i confess because i can't hide forever...but this entry has become my message in a bottle...