Sherlock Fic Meme Fill: Fic Recs
Sherlock, John, Mycroft, and Lestrade rec BBC!Sherlock fics...
A fill for this prompt.
JOHN: Fic recs? What's that? Oh, ah, well, I'm kinda busy these days, what with my job at the surgery, assisting Sherlock on his cases, and keeping house (since Mrs Hudson is NOT our housekeeper), so I just have time to write up my blog and not much to read “fan-fiction”. But a couple interesting ones have come my way and I've skimmed through them.
This one is what they call an “AU”, so it's obviously not a “true” depiction of life with Sherlock, but it sorta explains our relationship in a “metaphorical” way, if you follow me.
SHERLOCK: John is an idiot. This is established in what you term “canon”. Therefore, you would be wise to ignore anything he says. If one is interested in a “metaphorical” depiction of my relationship with my flatmate in a work of fiction set in an alternate universe, this item is much more illuminating. The Sherlock character rescues the John character from a hopelessly dull and tedious existence. Whilst “John” does possess one or two useful traits, it is clear that Sherlock is more intelligent, stronger, and generally more powerful.
JOHN: A vampire, Sherlock? Really? True, you're tall, pale, frequently nocturnal, wear a bloody dashing great cloak-er-coat, but still-- Well, speaking of what Sherlock tends to remind people of, there's this one about Sherlock being like a cat. But just read it until about half-way through. Then it gets, uh, kinda... weird. Yeah. Anyway, the part where I - I mean, the John in the story - uses the spray bottle on Sherlock - I lolled at that! If only that'd actually work...
SHERLOCK: John is an idiot. See above. And anyone who persists in imagining I resemble a feline, I offer this or this. Oh, and John, the term is LOL. All capitals. Already past tense.
JOHN: Oh, here's another one who thinks Sherlock's like a cat - look, more spray bottles!
SHERLOCK: Here.
JOHN: Oh, and here's the one that explains why Sherlock's so much like a cat.
SHERLOCK: Here...
JOHN: All right, Sherlock, I get it--
SHERLOCK: ...and here.
JOHN: THE INTERNET IS FULL OF PICTURES OF DOGS IN JUMPERS, OK GOT THAT!
MYCROFT: Depicting, even in a fictional setting, persons not known personally to the writer, in particular as regards their most intimate activities, is a morally dubious activity which would be beneath me to endorse in any way. However, whilst neither affirming nor denying any truth to the following, especially as it relates to the other person involved (whose involvement in said activities again I will neither credit nor refute), this “story” does describe a certain portion of my anatomy in a way that would be disingenuous for me to protest.
LESTRADE: Myc- That is, Mr. Mycroft Holmes has instructed me - Wait, I mean Mr. Holmes has specifically NOT instructed me to say nothing about these fan stories. But I just have to say that, that story he referred to? Not true. I mean, I'm not saying anything about the jacuzzi, or the wine, or how considerate a lover Myc-- Mr. Holmes is, because, how would I know? Right? But I do happen to know - rather I should say, I've been given to understand that, you know, size-wise, Myc-- Mr. Holmes is nothing, I mean, he's got nothing more than the average bloke, you understand. Just in that department. His jacuzzi is fantastic. If he's got one. I wouldn't know.
MYCROFT: I could refer you to this charming little tale. Of course you must understand that this is a work of fiction, and sadly not in the least accurate in the details. However, my little brolly and I do have quite a history together, and it is amusing to think of it as almost a companion, of sorts.
LESTRADE: Now this story, about how many times I've saved Sherlock's sorry arse, God's word, that is. The details, right, they might not be completely accurate. But the gist - that I've picked him up and cleaned him up and set him back on his feet a dozen times or more - that's the truth, all right. By being there for him and by letting him work my cases on occasion I've saved his life many times over. More than I can count. Thank God for John Watson. He can take over that part, I don't miss it a bit.
So all the stories that imply I've got, or ever considered getting, or would ever even want to consider thinking about getting, anything on with Sherlock? Forget them. It's bad enough I've got to work with the bloody git. Trust me, I don't spend a minute more in the man's company than I have to to get the job done.
MYCROFT: Please ignore the last remark made under my name. It was not authorized by me. Someone hacked into my account and conceived of playing this little “joke”. Naturally I do not have to inform you that the bit of fiction referred to is entirely fiction, not a hint of the true nature of things anywhere in it. Such technology does not exist and even if it did, a minor government functionary such as myself would not be in possession of it.
LESTRADE: Speaking of John, he's all right. I mean, as a mate. Nothing more. We catch a game now and then, maybe have a pint at the pub; but that's it. Nothing's ever happened between us. Not even that one time - absolutely nothing happened. Don't need to complicate friendship. Not worth it.
Don't ask me about him and Sherlock though. I don't know. I don't want to know. They can do whatever in their flat; just leave me out of it.
MYCROFT: If you enjoyed the little fairy tale I mentioned earlier, I can point you to another similar one. Again, no need to tell you the specific people, places, etc. are entirely from the writer's imagination!
LESTRADE: Finally, I'll just add that whoever wrote this? Well, clearly off their rocker. Not a true word in any of it. And it was just a dream, all right? How could they know what I dream about? They couldn't, that's how. SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU BLOODY TOSSER, OR I'LL SIC MYC-- That is to say, I will alert the proper authorities.
MYCROFT: Again, I request you ignore the previous comment purporting to be from my account. I assure you the situation is now under control and there will be no recurrence. I do beg your pardon.
moriarty: i've read all the stories - all of them, yes! - and do you know what is the most amazing thing? they are all true! all of them! especially all the ones involving me! you people all know me so well! my fans!! i did do that. i did all of that. twice! hahahaheeheeeheeehahaheeheeeheeheehahah!!!
A fill for this prompt.
JOHN: Fic recs? What's that? Oh, ah, well, I'm kinda busy these days, what with my job at the surgery, assisting Sherlock on his cases, and keeping house (since Mrs Hudson is NOT our housekeeper), so I just have time to write up my blog and not much to read “fan-fiction”. But a couple interesting ones have come my way and I've skimmed through them.
This one is what they call an “AU”, so it's obviously not a “true” depiction of life with Sherlock, but it sorta explains our relationship in a “metaphorical” way, if you follow me.
SHERLOCK: John is an idiot. This is established in what you term “canon”. Therefore, you would be wise to ignore anything he says. If one is interested in a “metaphorical” depiction of my relationship with my flatmate in a work of fiction set in an alternate universe, this item is much more illuminating. The Sherlock character rescues the John character from a hopelessly dull and tedious existence. Whilst “John” does possess one or two useful traits, it is clear that Sherlock is more intelligent, stronger, and generally more powerful.
JOHN: A vampire, Sherlock? Really? True, you're tall, pale, frequently nocturnal, wear a bloody dashing great cloak-er-coat, but still-- Well, speaking of what Sherlock tends to remind people of, there's this one about Sherlock being like a cat. But just read it until about half-way through. Then it gets, uh, kinda... weird. Yeah. Anyway, the part where I - I mean, the John in the story - uses the spray bottle on Sherlock - I lolled at that! If only that'd actually work...
SHERLOCK: John is an idiot. See above. And anyone who persists in imagining I resemble a feline, I offer this or this. Oh, and John, the term is LOL. All capitals. Already past tense.
JOHN: Oh, here's another one who thinks Sherlock's like a cat - look, more spray bottles!
SHERLOCK: Here.
JOHN: Oh, and here's the one that explains why Sherlock's so much like a cat.
SHERLOCK: Here...
JOHN: All right, Sherlock, I get it--
SHERLOCK: ...and here.
JOHN: THE INTERNET IS FULL OF PICTURES OF DOGS IN JUMPERS, OK GOT THAT!
MYCROFT: Depicting, even in a fictional setting, persons not known personally to the writer, in particular as regards their most intimate activities, is a morally dubious activity which would be beneath me to endorse in any way. However, whilst neither affirming nor denying any truth to the following, especially as it relates to the other person involved (whose involvement in said activities again I will neither credit nor refute), this “story” does describe a certain portion of my anatomy in a way that would be disingenuous for me to protest.
LESTRADE: Myc- That is, Mr. Mycroft Holmes has instructed me - Wait, I mean Mr. Holmes has specifically NOT instructed me to say nothing about these fan stories. But I just have to say that, that story he referred to? Not true. I mean, I'm not saying anything about the jacuzzi, or the wine, or how considerate a lover Myc-- Mr. Holmes is, because, how would I know? Right? But I do happen to know - rather I should say, I've been given to understand that, you know, size-wise, Myc-- Mr. Holmes is nothing, I mean, he's got nothing more than the average bloke, you understand. Just in that department. His jacuzzi is fantastic. If he's got one. I wouldn't know.
MYCROFT: I could refer you to this charming little tale. Of course you must understand that this is a work of fiction, and sadly not in the least accurate in the details. However, my little brolly and I do have quite a history together, and it is amusing to think of it as almost a companion, of sorts.
LESTRADE: Now this story, about how many times I've saved Sherlock's sorry arse, God's word, that is. The details, right, they might not be completely accurate. But the gist - that I've picked him up and cleaned him up and set him back on his feet a dozen times or more - that's the truth, all right. By being there for him and by letting him work my cases on occasion I've saved his life many times over. More than I can count. Thank God for John Watson. He can take over that part, I don't miss it a bit.
So all the stories that imply I've got, or ever considered getting, or would ever even want to consider thinking about getting, anything on with Sherlock? Forget them. It's bad enough I've got to work with the bloody git. Trust me, I don't spend a minute more in the man's company than I have to to get the job done.
MYCROFT: Please ignore the last remark made under my name. It was not authorized by me. Someone hacked into my account and conceived of playing this little “joke”. Naturally I do not have to inform you that the bit of fiction referred to is entirely fiction, not a hint of the true nature of things anywhere in it. Such technology does not exist and even if it did, a minor government functionary such as myself would not be in possession of it.
LESTRADE: Speaking of John, he's all right. I mean, as a mate. Nothing more. We catch a game now and then, maybe have a pint at the pub; but that's it. Nothing's ever happened between us. Not even that one time - absolutely nothing happened. Don't need to complicate friendship. Not worth it.
Don't ask me about him and Sherlock though. I don't know. I don't want to know. They can do whatever in their flat; just leave me out of it.
MYCROFT: If you enjoyed the little fairy tale I mentioned earlier, I can point you to another similar one. Again, no need to tell you the specific people, places, etc. are entirely from the writer's imagination!
LESTRADE: Finally, I'll just add that whoever wrote this? Well, clearly off their rocker. Not a true word in any of it. And it was just a dream, all right? How could they know what I dream about? They couldn't, that's how. SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU BLOODY TOSSER, OR I'LL SIC MYC-- That is to say, I will alert the proper authorities.
MYCROFT: Again, I request you ignore the previous comment purporting to be from my account. I assure you the situation is now under control and there will be no recurrence. I do beg your pardon.
moriarty: i've read all the stories - all of them, yes! - and do you know what is the most amazing thing? they are all true! all of them! especially all the ones involving me! you people all know me so well! my fans!! i did do that. i did all of that. twice! hahahaheeheeeheeehahaheeheeeheeheehahah!!!