You know you're gonna find out how right it feels. [Chapter Four]
Title: You know you're gonna find out how right it feels. [Chapter Four]
Author: snakebiteheartt
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jalex
Summary: Alex understood what it was like to have no one.
Disclaimer: Terrible writing ability.
Author Notes: I'm not gonna be able to update very frequently because I'm back at school on Monday, sorry!
Masterpost
Darkness was falling upon the town and Jack was still over at the younger boy’s house. They were sitting in the garden on a few deck chairs with small glasses of schnapps that Alex’s mum had allowed. The stars were already out and it was a bit cold, but Alex insisted that he liked the breeze, even though he had little goose bumps on his skin.
Jack was sat next to him, feet curled up under his body, tattered hoodie sleeves pulled down over his hands and his hood flipped up over his head. He was playing with a few twigs on the table trying to make some sort of standing up house. Alex watched him, noticing the look of absolute concentration on his face, his brow furrowed slightly in the middle and his tongue poking out a little at the corner of his mouth. Alex had to fiddle with his own fingers to stop himself from stroking Jack’s face. He was the picture of cuteness, and Alex was sort of disappointed that he had to disrupt the little moment.
‘Jack. It’s never going to work,’ he pointed out, purposely picking up all the twigs Jack was messing with and chucking them at his chest.
‘Hey! I was just getting somewhere as well!’ Jack whined, trying his best to collect his building project from the floor. Alex cut Jack short with his next question.
‘Was it true, what you said before?’
Jack stopped abruptly and slowly brought his head back up from under the table. His brain was racking itself, shuffling through things that he might have said that he didn’t mean as he tried to work out what Alex was talking about.
‘Huh…?’
‘Well I was awake when you and mum were talking. That thing you said, about not having any friends… was that true? Did your friends not turn up to lunch because you… you don’t have any?’
Jack’s face fell and breathed in deeply. He looked down at his because he really didn’t know what to say to Alex. His greatest insecurity was his lack of friends. He’d try to act big and cocky to make it seem to others like he was capable of being in charge, but also to try and help himself, to boost his confidence. But the truth was, that inside, Jack had no one. He wasn’t the person he made himself out to be and in all honesty, he was scared of being so alone. But it seemed a simple squeaky ‘yes’, to Alex’s question would suffice. He didn’t want to complain about something as little as having no friends to Alex when Alex had just lost his father.
But Alex understood what it meant to have no one. He could practically see Jack’s strong exterior drop with each letter of the word ‘yes’, and he knew what that felt like. Alex’s tough exterior was diminishing with each person he lost, and the waterworks last night were evidence of that. But Jack had no idea how much it meant to Alex that he’d make such an effort to come and see his new friend when he was in trouble, even though no one had done that for Jack.
Jack himself didn’t quite know the reason for his generosity or faithfulness to Alex. He just knew that the worry and pain gnawing at him last week increased with each day that Alex didn’t turn up to school. He felt guilt when he got home because he didn’t want Alex to think Jack didn’t care for him. He wanted the new boy to find a friend in him. So on the Friday of that week he’d demanded to use the school phone seeing as he didn’t have Alex’s number, and they’d given him his address so he could go and visit.
The next week of school passed quite swiftly. Both boys were in school every day, and very quickly they became inseparable. Jack would come back to Alex’s house almost every night, and he would religiously do his job of sitting there with Alex in his arms as he cried. Jack stroked his perfectly messy brown hair with one hand and snuck his other arm round the back of Alex whilst they would sit cross legged, usually on Alex’s bed.
Alex felt terrible for crying all the time, because friends were supposed to have fun together, not sit around crying. But Jack never ever complained, and in a way, Alex was grateful for that, because those moments where they were sat together, limbs entwined in a moment of almost silence, Alex felt at home. The smell of Jack’s shirts and the softness of his hair, and his breath down Alex’s neck all made him shiver but in a positive way. He may have been crying, but he was happy.
It was Friday afternoon and the boys were getting changed for a gym session as their last lesson. They were the only two left in the changing room, because to be fair, neither of them enjoyed the gym and wanted to spend as little time as possible having to exercise in there, what with the beefy bullies and people who referred to Alex as a faggot. He’d rather be sent running home.
So Jack and Alex were both laughing and slowly pulling off their skinny jeans, but I suppose that can’t really be done quickly anyway. Jack started flinging his socks at Alex, so Alex ripped off his shirt and began to twist it up in order to flick it at Jack’s ass, but unexpectedly, Jack’s cute high-pitched laughter died down and he was silent. Alex followed Jack’s shocked line of sight down his torso and then realised that Jack was staring at Alex’s hipbone. Angry red patches and lines marked the otherwise perfect skin. Alex immediately slapped his hand over his hip so that Jack couldn’t see them any more and hurriedly pulled on his polo shirt for the gym, turning away to hide the furious red that had crept onto his cheeks.
‘…Alex? Are… are you…?’
‘Look Jack, I’m fine. Leave me alone.’ And with that, Alex stormed out of the changing rooms leaving Jack helpless and alone.
The boys didn’t talk at all throughout gym class. Every time Jack tried to get closer to Alex, or come up and join him on the row of treadmills, he’d switch machines. He’d even completely ignore Jack when he would try to call to Alex across the room. Jack was desperate to know what he’d done wrong, and the silent treatment he was getting from Alex really wasn’t helping.
Back in the changing rooms after gym, Alex and Jack were getting dressed again next to each other. Jack softly placed his hand on Alex’s arm and pulled him round so that they could look at each other. Jack’s hand lingered on Alex’s arm for a bit longer before he pulled away, slightly shocked by the icy glare that he’d received from Alex’s eyes. He decided to continue trying to communicate anyway.
‘I’m going to Kate’s tonight.’ Was the only sentence that Jack got from Alex after he invited him over to his house. Jack literally felt his heart sink to his knees. He didn’t know if Alex was actually going to Kate’s, or if it was just an excuse. As petty as it was, he kind of hoped it was the second option. It was obvious Kate had a crush on Alex, she’d been on hands and knees for him all week. And how did Jack know that Alex didn’t have a crush on her? He knew that Alex having a girlfriend would mean he’d have less time for Jack. It was unjustified, but Jack kind of wanted Alex for himself.
Alex watched Jack sulk out of the school gates on the Friday afternoon whilst Kate’s mother pulled up in a big, black 4x4. She was a typical made up mum, who’s hair fell perfectly around her face, which had been altered by plastic surgery so much that she was probably a different woman underneath. Her lips were big and pink and she had far too much makeup on for a woman of her age. Despite Alex’s view on Kate’s mum, every guy who was still in the parking lot wolf whistled, and a few yelled ‘MILF!’
Alex awkwardly got into the back seat of the car, thanking Mrs Hayward for the ride. The leather seats smelt really new and Alex hated how fake everything felt. Even Mrs Hayward’s smile back to him felt fake. The journey back to Kate’s house was really uncomfortable. Kate’s mum would strike up conversation by telling Alex how great Kate was. She was literally exploiting her child in front of Alex and completely ignored Kate’s requests for her to stop being so embarrassing. At the end of the car journey, Mrs Hayward asked Alex which girl he’d had his eye on for his first two weeks at Dulaney. Alex was baffled, because he obviously couldn’t say Kate. Yes, she was attractive enough and a nice person, but Alex couldn’t see himself falling for a girl. He wasn’t about to tell everyone that though, so he stuck with saying ‘no one… yet’, accompanied with a nervous laugh.
‘I’m so sorry about my mum.’ Kate was sat on her bed in her room whilst Alex occupied the beanbag next to it.
‘It’s okay,’ Alex offered, even though he didn’t want to have to face that woman again.
‘Are you sure?’ Kate asked, moving off the bed and coming to kneel in front of Alex. She glanced up into his eyes as she carefully placed a manicured hand onto his slim thigh, rubbing the tips of her fingers into his jeans. She sighed when Alex’s phone began to ring and he begun to stammer, but he was soon stopped by Kate’s finger pressed up against his lips. The ring tone eventually died down and she crashed her lips onto Alex’s. He was stunned. Kate’s hands bunched into his shirt and roamed across his chest while his arms hung limply by his sides because he just wasn’t into this. After a few moments, Kate pulled back, eyes bright. A vibration from Alex’s phone in his pocket gave him a much-needed distraction, because he didn’t know what to say or how to react. He hadn’t kissed back because it didn’t feel right, and he didn’t know why, but it felt like he was cheating on Jack. Now Kate was staring at him, but he couldn’t connect their gazes. He looked down to his pocket as it vibrated once more, and kept his eyes locked there after it had finished.
Kate didn’t say a word as she left the room, Alex was glad of that. They barely knew each other and she’d already tried it on with him. Warmth replaced his unease though when he opened his phone. He had 2 missed calls and 4 messages from Jack. His finger scrolled down the messages and each one was similar to the next - something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘can we talk about this’. Alex cursed himself in his head at how nasty he’d been to Jack earlier today. Jack was only concerned, and maybe if he’d taken up the offer of going to Jack’s tonight instead of Kate’s, he wouldn’t be in this mess with a girl he didn’t even like.
Although Alex felt it rude and wrong, he didn’t stop walking as Kate called to him from upstairs. He continued down the staircase and out of the front door, almost picking up a run as he made his way towards his own house. He was slightly out of breath as he ran into his porch and opened his front door. The first thing he noticed was a note on the kitchen table: ‘I’ve gone out to the supermarket, love Mum xxx’.
Alex breathed a sigh of relief and took two steps at a time up the stairs, before flinging his bag in the general direction of his bed. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed chest first onto the bed, phone in hand. He read through Jack’s texts again, finger hovering over the reply button. At the last second, he threw his phone back down onto the bed and walked into the bathroom.
Alex stood at the mirror for a few minutes, looking at his reflection. With shaking hands, he rolled up the bottom of his Green Day shirt to look at the skin on his lower abdomen. Scabs were forming on one side from recent cuts, but some scars were still viewable on his other hipbone. Alex pulled his shirt fully over his head and discarded it on the floor. He picked up his wash bag and rooted inside for the tiny bit of silver which would be his escape. He flipped it a few times in his fingers before bringing it to the hipbone with the faded scarring. Alex had a system when it came to self harm. The hip which he was about to mutilate was reserved for one thing, and one thing only.
‘This.’ Alex said through clenched teeth as he drew the blade across his skin, ‘is for falling for a guy.’
Author: snakebiteheartt
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jalex
Summary: Alex understood what it was like to have no one.
Disclaimer: Terrible writing ability.
Author Notes: I'm not gonna be able to update very frequently because I'm back at school on Monday, sorry!
Masterpost
Darkness was falling upon the town and Jack was still over at the younger boy’s house. They were sitting in the garden on a few deck chairs with small glasses of schnapps that Alex’s mum had allowed. The stars were already out and it was a bit cold, but Alex insisted that he liked the breeze, even though he had little goose bumps on his skin.
Jack was sat next to him, feet curled up under his body, tattered hoodie sleeves pulled down over his hands and his hood flipped up over his head. He was playing with a few twigs on the table trying to make some sort of standing up house. Alex watched him, noticing the look of absolute concentration on his face, his brow furrowed slightly in the middle and his tongue poking out a little at the corner of his mouth. Alex had to fiddle with his own fingers to stop himself from stroking Jack’s face. He was the picture of cuteness, and Alex was sort of disappointed that he had to disrupt the little moment.
‘Jack. It’s never going to work,’ he pointed out, purposely picking up all the twigs Jack was messing with and chucking them at his chest.
‘Hey! I was just getting somewhere as well!’ Jack whined, trying his best to collect his building project from the floor. Alex cut Jack short with his next question.
‘Was it true, what you said before?’
Jack stopped abruptly and slowly brought his head back up from under the table. His brain was racking itself, shuffling through things that he might have said that he didn’t mean as he tried to work out what Alex was talking about.
‘Huh…?’
‘Well I was awake when you and mum were talking. That thing you said, about not having any friends… was that true? Did your friends not turn up to lunch because you… you don’t have any?’
Jack’s face fell and breathed in deeply. He looked down at his because he really didn’t know what to say to Alex. His greatest insecurity was his lack of friends. He’d try to act big and cocky to make it seem to others like he was capable of being in charge, but also to try and help himself, to boost his confidence. But the truth was, that inside, Jack had no one. He wasn’t the person he made himself out to be and in all honesty, he was scared of being so alone. But it seemed a simple squeaky ‘yes’, to Alex’s question would suffice. He didn’t want to complain about something as little as having no friends to Alex when Alex had just lost his father.
But Alex understood what it meant to have no one. He could practically see Jack’s strong exterior drop with each letter of the word ‘yes’, and he knew what that felt like. Alex’s tough exterior was diminishing with each person he lost, and the waterworks last night were evidence of that. But Jack had no idea how much it meant to Alex that he’d make such an effort to come and see his new friend when he was in trouble, even though no one had done that for Jack.
Jack himself didn’t quite know the reason for his generosity or faithfulness to Alex. He just knew that the worry and pain gnawing at him last week increased with each day that Alex didn’t turn up to school. He felt guilt when he got home because he didn’t want Alex to think Jack didn’t care for him. He wanted the new boy to find a friend in him. So on the Friday of that week he’d demanded to use the school phone seeing as he didn’t have Alex’s number, and they’d given him his address so he could go and visit.
The next week of school passed quite swiftly. Both boys were in school every day, and very quickly they became inseparable. Jack would come back to Alex’s house almost every night, and he would religiously do his job of sitting there with Alex in his arms as he cried. Jack stroked his perfectly messy brown hair with one hand and snuck his other arm round the back of Alex whilst they would sit cross legged, usually on Alex’s bed.
Alex felt terrible for crying all the time, because friends were supposed to have fun together, not sit around crying. But Jack never ever complained, and in a way, Alex was grateful for that, because those moments where they were sat together, limbs entwined in a moment of almost silence, Alex felt at home. The smell of Jack’s shirts and the softness of his hair, and his breath down Alex’s neck all made him shiver but in a positive way. He may have been crying, but he was happy.
It was Friday afternoon and the boys were getting changed for a gym session as their last lesson. They were the only two left in the changing room, because to be fair, neither of them enjoyed the gym and wanted to spend as little time as possible having to exercise in there, what with the beefy bullies and people who referred to Alex as a faggot. He’d rather be sent running home.
So Jack and Alex were both laughing and slowly pulling off their skinny jeans, but I suppose that can’t really be done quickly anyway. Jack started flinging his socks at Alex, so Alex ripped off his shirt and began to twist it up in order to flick it at Jack’s ass, but unexpectedly, Jack’s cute high-pitched laughter died down and he was silent. Alex followed Jack’s shocked line of sight down his torso and then realised that Jack was staring at Alex’s hipbone. Angry red patches and lines marked the otherwise perfect skin. Alex immediately slapped his hand over his hip so that Jack couldn’t see them any more and hurriedly pulled on his polo shirt for the gym, turning away to hide the furious red that had crept onto his cheeks.
‘…Alex? Are… are you…?’
‘Look Jack, I’m fine. Leave me alone.’ And with that, Alex stormed out of the changing rooms leaving Jack helpless and alone.
The boys didn’t talk at all throughout gym class. Every time Jack tried to get closer to Alex, or come up and join him on the row of treadmills, he’d switch machines. He’d even completely ignore Jack when he would try to call to Alex across the room. Jack was desperate to know what he’d done wrong, and the silent treatment he was getting from Alex really wasn’t helping.
Back in the changing rooms after gym, Alex and Jack were getting dressed again next to each other. Jack softly placed his hand on Alex’s arm and pulled him round so that they could look at each other. Jack’s hand lingered on Alex’s arm for a bit longer before he pulled away, slightly shocked by the icy glare that he’d received from Alex’s eyes. He decided to continue trying to communicate anyway.
‘I’m going to Kate’s tonight.’ Was the only sentence that Jack got from Alex after he invited him over to his house. Jack literally felt his heart sink to his knees. He didn’t know if Alex was actually going to Kate’s, or if it was just an excuse. As petty as it was, he kind of hoped it was the second option. It was obvious Kate had a crush on Alex, she’d been on hands and knees for him all week. And how did Jack know that Alex didn’t have a crush on her? He knew that Alex having a girlfriend would mean he’d have less time for Jack. It was unjustified, but Jack kind of wanted Alex for himself.
Alex watched Jack sulk out of the school gates on the Friday afternoon whilst Kate’s mother pulled up in a big, black 4x4. She was a typical made up mum, who’s hair fell perfectly around her face, which had been altered by plastic surgery so much that she was probably a different woman underneath. Her lips were big and pink and she had far too much makeup on for a woman of her age. Despite Alex’s view on Kate’s mum, every guy who was still in the parking lot wolf whistled, and a few yelled ‘MILF!’
Alex awkwardly got into the back seat of the car, thanking Mrs Hayward for the ride. The leather seats smelt really new and Alex hated how fake everything felt. Even Mrs Hayward’s smile back to him felt fake. The journey back to Kate’s house was really uncomfortable. Kate’s mum would strike up conversation by telling Alex how great Kate was. She was literally exploiting her child in front of Alex and completely ignored Kate’s requests for her to stop being so embarrassing. At the end of the car journey, Mrs Hayward asked Alex which girl he’d had his eye on for his first two weeks at Dulaney. Alex was baffled, because he obviously couldn’t say Kate. Yes, she was attractive enough and a nice person, but Alex couldn’t see himself falling for a girl. He wasn’t about to tell everyone that though, so he stuck with saying ‘no one… yet’, accompanied with a nervous laugh.
‘I’m so sorry about my mum.’ Kate was sat on her bed in her room whilst Alex occupied the beanbag next to it.
‘It’s okay,’ Alex offered, even though he didn’t want to have to face that woman again.
‘Are you sure?’ Kate asked, moving off the bed and coming to kneel in front of Alex. She glanced up into his eyes as she carefully placed a manicured hand onto his slim thigh, rubbing the tips of her fingers into his jeans. She sighed when Alex’s phone began to ring and he begun to stammer, but he was soon stopped by Kate’s finger pressed up against his lips. The ring tone eventually died down and she crashed her lips onto Alex’s. He was stunned. Kate’s hands bunched into his shirt and roamed across his chest while his arms hung limply by his sides because he just wasn’t into this. After a few moments, Kate pulled back, eyes bright. A vibration from Alex’s phone in his pocket gave him a much-needed distraction, because he didn’t know what to say or how to react. He hadn’t kissed back because it didn’t feel right, and he didn’t know why, but it felt like he was cheating on Jack. Now Kate was staring at him, but he couldn’t connect their gazes. He looked down to his pocket as it vibrated once more, and kept his eyes locked there after it had finished.
Kate didn’t say a word as she left the room, Alex was glad of that. They barely knew each other and she’d already tried it on with him. Warmth replaced his unease though when he opened his phone. He had 2 missed calls and 4 messages from Jack. His finger scrolled down the messages and each one was similar to the next - something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘can we talk about this’. Alex cursed himself in his head at how nasty he’d been to Jack earlier today. Jack was only concerned, and maybe if he’d taken up the offer of going to Jack’s tonight instead of Kate’s, he wouldn’t be in this mess with a girl he didn’t even like.
Although Alex felt it rude and wrong, he didn’t stop walking as Kate called to him from upstairs. He continued down the staircase and out of the front door, almost picking up a run as he made his way towards his own house. He was slightly out of breath as he ran into his porch and opened his front door. The first thing he noticed was a note on the kitchen table: ‘I’ve gone out to the supermarket, love Mum xxx’.
Alex breathed a sigh of relief and took two steps at a time up the stairs, before flinging his bag in the general direction of his bed. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed chest first onto the bed, phone in hand. He read through Jack’s texts again, finger hovering over the reply button. At the last second, he threw his phone back down onto the bed and walked into the bathroom.
Alex stood at the mirror for a few minutes, looking at his reflection. With shaking hands, he rolled up the bottom of his Green Day shirt to look at the skin on his lower abdomen. Scabs were forming on one side from recent cuts, but some scars were still viewable on his other hipbone. Alex pulled his shirt fully over his head and discarded it on the floor. He picked up his wash bag and rooted inside for the tiny bit of silver which would be his escape. He flipped it a few times in his fingers before bringing it to the hipbone with the faded scarring. Alex had a system when it came to self harm. The hip which he was about to mutilate was reserved for one thing, and one thing only.
‘This.’ Alex said through clenched teeth as he drew the blade across his skin, ‘is for falling for a guy.’