You're Not Sorry [7/11]
Title: You're Not Sorry
Author: redhotshorty
Rating: R [Overall]
Pairing: Jack Barakat/Kyle Burns
POV: Kyle's
Summary: Jack was a god in my eyes.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the people in this story, they rightfully belong to themselves. This is purely fiction and never happened to my knowledge in real life. Please don't sue.
Warning: Suggested sexual events. Drug use.
Dedications: For summerdownturn because she made all of this happen for your veiwing pleasure and she's the best BFFL ever =]
Author Notes: =]
(Previous Chapters)
Chapter Seven
I rolled over on the bed and stretched out. I groaned a tiny groan, it felt so good to stretch out my body. I was so sore from last nights activities. My arm moved around the bed to find it empty. I jerked up, my eyes flying open. He was sitting at the desk across the room.
I smiled. “Hey there.”
He whipped his head around to stare at me with dead eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, horrified.
“Shut up!” He shouted.
“What?” I was baffled.
“Kyle you’re so loud! Shut up! My head is throbbing.”
“Jack baby, what’s going on?”
“KYLE!”
“WHAT!” I shouted back, throwing my arms up in the air.
“I have high blood pressure, stop stressing me out!”
He wasn’t making sense.
“Jack-” He jumped up from his spot and ran to where I was kneeling on the bed. He tackled me and had his hands around my neck. I didn’t know what to do. I was so frightened, though his hands never put any pressure on my neck. We sat there for awhile just staring at each other’s eyes. Mine wide with fear, his filled with rage. He silently got off of me. I didn’t move. He sat there next to me with his hands covering his face. He shook his head and slowly turned to face me.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me.”
I didn’t speak.
“Kyle, honey.” He moved closer, sliding down to lay next to me. I didn’t look at him, I looked at the ceiling. His hand stroked the side of my face. I shuddered and closed my eyes.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I honestly don’t know what came over me. I was fine five minutes ago. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
How could I resist him when he pleaded with me like that? I sighed, then turned over on my side placing my hand over his to hold it to my face. I opened my eyes and smiled a tiny smile.
“I forgive you.”
He kissed me than cuddled me into his side.
The weeks went by and Jack was right, it didn’t happen again. I asked if he wanted to go see a doctor, but he told me it was just stress from touring. Touring could be stressful so I didn’t argue with him. I just did my best to keep him happy. We were an official couple now and we flaunted it to the world... literally. We would kiss on stage in front of all the fans and they would go wild with cheers.
I was happy with my life. Things were finally going well, except Jack was still holding back, he refused to talk about his secret, and I eventually stopped asking because I noticed something after I asked him. Every time I asked him what his secret was, he would say it wasn’t important, and I would agree to drop it but then the next morning he would attack me, and then apologize. I was scared. He would yell at me to shut up and that I was stressing him out. I was worried about his well being, so when he was sleeping one afternoon I went over to talk to Alex because he was Jack’s best friend.
“Hey,” I greeted Alex as he opened the door and let me in his hotel room.
“Well look who came out of his room to socialize with others,” Alex teased me.
I chuckled, “Yeah, yeah.”
“What’s up?” Alex asked, taking a seat on his bed. I sat on the other bed across from him.
“Can I talk to you about something?” I asked, crossing my legs to sit Indian style.
“This is about Jack isn’t it?” He guessed.
I nodded my head.
“Spill it,” Alex demanded.
“He’s been acting weird lately. And it’s only when I ask him about what he is hiding from me,” I said.
“He’s hiding something from you?”
“Yeah. He says it’s not important, but it is to me. I don’t want secrets.”
“Mmm,” Alex hummed as his fingers tapped his lips.
“Do you know what it could be?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No but I could find out for you.”
My lips turned into a smile. “Thanks.”
“Anything for Jack’s boyfriend.” Alex walked out to go ask Jack while I waited.
I waited in Alex’s hotel room for an hour, pacing back and forth awaiting his answer from Jack. The door opened, I jumped and ran to the door to see a very sad look on Alex’s face.
“What is it?” I asked, worried it was something horrible. What was so bad that Jack couldn’t tell me?
“He wouldn’t tell me,” Alex said through clenched teeth, a breath escaped from his lips. What? He wouldn’t even tell his best friend what was going on with him? What was such a big secret?
“I pushed him for an hour and he wouldn’t tell me a thing” he explained. I just sat down on the bed, feeling a little woozy.
“Kyle?” Alex asked, looking at me with a concern in his eyes.
“Thanks for trying,” I told him, getting up from my spot and letting myself out of his room and down the hall towards my room. I knocked on the door because I forgot my key and when Jack came to the door, his eyes were wild. He had a belt around his arm. He pulled me into the room and threw me across the room and started yelling out at me, not making any sense at all. He threw me around the room, and my body hit the walls and the desk. I screamed out in protest as my body came into contact with these objects. Jack didn’t seem to care that I was in pain. He just roared on in his rage. I started to cry as my body rapidly made contact with his fist and feet. I called out for him to stop but he didn’t.
Ten minutes later it was all over. He fell back, exhausted, and I laid there on the floor balling my eyes out at the pain. He stared at the wall as I curled in on myself, sobbing. I don’t understand what happened. We were fine, we were doing well. He was such a gentle soul, where did that come from? I questioned it over and over. I answered it a hundred different times and still nothing was adding up in my mind. Was I missing something obvious? I couldn’t make myself get off the ground to look at Jack or to leave him, I just laid there questioning it all while Jack fell asleep sprawled across the bed.
An hour passed -- maybe two? -- when I finally got up and went to the bathroom to look at my body that Jack beat. I took my shirt off slowly, wincing at the pain and sore spots. My bare chest and stomach were covered with black and blue splotches. I gasped out loud at the sight of it.
I looked down to find something in the sink. I picked up the needle and examined it. It was used. I looked all around for some type of medicine, but all I found was cocaine in several other needles and in Jack’s bag.
NO.
I shouted in my head as I connected all the pieces together. No! Oh please no! Not my Jack. NO! Tears fell down my face quickly. Jack was a drug addict? How could I let this happen? How did I not know? All the freak outs and all the signs that passed by me.
I’m an idiot!
***
Jack is doing coke. He is a druggie.
I looked up to see my face all contorted in a painful way. I heard movement from outside the bathroom and got chills down my spine. Why am I scared? It’s Jack, my boyfriend, then again he did just beat me a few hours ago. But the drugs have worn off now and he won’t remember a thing. And he is safe, no, I’m safe, he isn’t. I’m going to rip him a new one.
I walked out of the bathroom and stomped right in front of Jack. He looked confused, almost like he didn’t know where he was. He took the belt off of his arm and looked up at me. He looked me over and sucked in a shocked breath, his face scrunched up in a tortured look; his mouth opened several time but nothing coming out.
“You like what you see?” I asked sarcastically.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“You,” I said in a flat voice.
“What?” He asked pulled back.
“You were high and beat me.”
He just looked me over with his eyes. His face still scrunched up.
“Yeah I know all about it Jack. You’re a cocaine addict.”
“No I’m not,” he denied.
“Yes you are!” I screamed at him. “That’s your dirty little secret huh?” I asked.
“Kyle, you’re loopy. Let’s get you to a doctor, baby.”
“Stop denying it Jack! I saw the needles! You beat the shit out of me. I’m not loopy! You are!” I screamed.
Part of me wanted to hit him but another part was too scared to. He put his head in his hands and started crying.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You said that last time.”
“There’s no excuse for it,” he sobbed.
I was so angry with him, yet I couldn’t stand to watch him cry. I wanted to go to him and hold him tight and tell him I forgave him. He was under the influence. He didn’t know what he was doing. It was the drugs. But then again, he was right. There was no excuse for his behavior.
His sobs grew more and more, and his body began to shake.
“Why?” I asked.
“I’m- I’m not sure.” He looked up at me, at the damage he had done. He shook his head as if trying to erase the image. The crying got harder and louder. I was dieing. I wanted to comfort him so much but I was hesitant.
It’s Jack, your boyfriend. The boy you love. Go comfort him, I told myself and so I did.
I ran over to the bed and took Jack into my arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. He cried on, and I held him, stroking my hands in his hair and soothing circles on his arm.
“Stop. I should be begging for you back. I should be apologizing. I-I’m so sorry Kyle. I did it at a party a long time ago and got addicted. I want to stop. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he confessed to me. His sobs softened a bit.
“All is forgiven baby,” I whispered in his ear, kissing the top of his head.
“How can you forgive me? I’m disgusted with myself.”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure why, well of course I did. I loved him, I cared for him, I wanted to help him. I just kissed his head over and over again.
He sniffled. “Kyle, talk to me. You have to be angry at me. Disgusted with me, hurt, traumatized, you shouldn’t even be able to look at me. Why are you soothing me?”
I sighed. I tilted his head so I could look him in the eyes.
“For reasons I can’t explain. I’m here. I forgive you. I care about you Jack. You’ve made a mistake and I’m going to help you get over this,” I told him.
“Kyle Burns, I love you so much. I promise you this, I will never use cocaine again. I will never hurt you ever again. I promise you.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you finally said it so now I can say it.”
He looked puzzled.
“I love you.” I kissed him softly on the lips.
Author: redhotshorty
Rating: R [Overall]
Pairing: Jack Barakat/Kyle Burns
POV: Kyle's
Summary: Jack was a god in my eyes.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the people in this story, they rightfully belong to themselves. This is purely fiction and never happened to my knowledge in real life. Please don't sue.
Warning: Suggested sexual events. Drug use.
Dedications: For summerdownturn because she made all of this happen for your veiwing pleasure and she's the best BFFL ever =]
Author Notes: =]
(Previous Chapters)
Chapter Seven
I rolled over on the bed and stretched out. I groaned a tiny groan, it felt so good to stretch out my body. I was so sore from last nights activities. My arm moved around the bed to find it empty. I jerked up, my eyes flying open. He was sitting at the desk across the room.
I smiled. “Hey there.”
He whipped his head around to stare at me with dead eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, horrified.
“Shut up!” He shouted.
“What?” I was baffled.
“Kyle you’re so loud! Shut up! My head is throbbing.”
“Jack baby, what’s going on?”
“KYLE!”
“WHAT!” I shouted back, throwing my arms up in the air.
“I have high blood pressure, stop stressing me out!”
He wasn’t making sense.
“Jack-” He jumped up from his spot and ran to where I was kneeling on the bed. He tackled me and had his hands around my neck. I didn’t know what to do. I was so frightened, though his hands never put any pressure on my neck. We sat there for awhile just staring at each other’s eyes. Mine wide with fear, his filled with rage. He silently got off of me. I didn’t move. He sat there next to me with his hands covering his face. He shook his head and slowly turned to face me.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me.”
I didn’t speak.
“Kyle, honey.” He moved closer, sliding down to lay next to me. I didn’t look at him, I looked at the ceiling. His hand stroked the side of my face. I shuddered and closed my eyes.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I honestly don’t know what came over me. I was fine five minutes ago. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
How could I resist him when he pleaded with me like that? I sighed, then turned over on my side placing my hand over his to hold it to my face. I opened my eyes and smiled a tiny smile.
“I forgive you.”
He kissed me than cuddled me into his side.
The weeks went by and Jack was right, it didn’t happen again. I asked if he wanted to go see a doctor, but he told me it was just stress from touring. Touring could be stressful so I didn’t argue with him. I just did my best to keep him happy. We were an official couple now and we flaunted it to the world... literally. We would kiss on stage in front of all the fans and they would go wild with cheers.
I was happy with my life. Things were finally going well, except Jack was still holding back, he refused to talk about his secret, and I eventually stopped asking because I noticed something after I asked him. Every time I asked him what his secret was, he would say it wasn’t important, and I would agree to drop it but then the next morning he would attack me, and then apologize. I was scared. He would yell at me to shut up and that I was stressing him out. I was worried about his well being, so when he was sleeping one afternoon I went over to talk to Alex because he was Jack’s best friend.
“Hey,” I greeted Alex as he opened the door and let me in his hotel room.
“Well look who came out of his room to socialize with others,” Alex teased me.
I chuckled, “Yeah, yeah.”
“What’s up?” Alex asked, taking a seat on his bed. I sat on the other bed across from him.
“Can I talk to you about something?” I asked, crossing my legs to sit Indian style.
“This is about Jack isn’t it?” He guessed.
I nodded my head.
“Spill it,” Alex demanded.
“He’s been acting weird lately. And it’s only when I ask him about what he is hiding from me,” I said.
“He’s hiding something from you?”
“Yeah. He says it’s not important, but it is to me. I don’t want secrets.”
“Mmm,” Alex hummed as his fingers tapped his lips.
“Do you know what it could be?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No but I could find out for you.”
My lips turned into a smile. “Thanks.”
“Anything for Jack’s boyfriend.” Alex walked out to go ask Jack while I waited.
I waited in Alex’s hotel room for an hour, pacing back and forth awaiting his answer from Jack. The door opened, I jumped and ran to the door to see a very sad look on Alex’s face.
“What is it?” I asked, worried it was something horrible. What was so bad that Jack couldn’t tell me?
“He wouldn’t tell me,” Alex said through clenched teeth, a breath escaped from his lips. What? He wouldn’t even tell his best friend what was going on with him? What was such a big secret?
“I pushed him for an hour and he wouldn’t tell me a thing” he explained. I just sat down on the bed, feeling a little woozy.
“Kyle?” Alex asked, looking at me with a concern in his eyes.
“Thanks for trying,” I told him, getting up from my spot and letting myself out of his room and down the hall towards my room. I knocked on the door because I forgot my key and when Jack came to the door, his eyes were wild. He had a belt around his arm. He pulled me into the room and threw me across the room and started yelling out at me, not making any sense at all. He threw me around the room, and my body hit the walls and the desk. I screamed out in protest as my body came into contact with these objects. Jack didn’t seem to care that I was in pain. He just roared on in his rage. I started to cry as my body rapidly made contact with his fist and feet. I called out for him to stop but he didn’t.
Ten minutes later it was all over. He fell back, exhausted, and I laid there on the floor balling my eyes out at the pain. He stared at the wall as I curled in on myself, sobbing. I don’t understand what happened. We were fine, we were doing well. He was such a gentle soul, where did that come from? I questioned it over and over. I answered it a hundred different times and still nothing was adding up in my mind. Was I missing something obvious? I couldn’t make myself get off the ground to look at Jack or to leave him, I just laid there questioning it all while Jack fell asleep sprawled across the bed.
An hour passed -- maybe two? -- when I finally got up and went to the bathroom to look at my body that Jack beat. I took my shirt off slowly, wincing at the pain and sore spots. My bare chest and stomach were covered with black and blue splotches. I gasped out loud at the sight of it.
I looked down to find something in the sink. I picked up the needle and examined it. It was used. I looked all around for some type of medicine, but all I found was cocaine in several other needles and in Jack’s bag.
NO.
I shouted in my head as I connected all the pieces together. No! Oh please no! Not my Jack. NO! Tears fell down my face quickly. Jack was a drug addict? How could I let this happen? How did I not know? All the freak outs and all the signs that passed by me.
I’m an idiot!
***
Jack is doing coke. He is a druggie.
I looked up to see my face all contorted in a painful way. I heard movement from outside the bathroom and got chills down my spine. Why am I scared? It’s Jack, my boyfriend, then again he did just beat me a few hours ago. But the drugs have worn off now and he won’t remember a thing. And he is safe, no, I’m safe, he isn’t. I’m going to rip him a new one.
I walked out of the bathroom and stomped right in front of Jack. He looked confused, almost like he didn’t know where he was. He took the belt off of his arm and looked up at me. He looked me over and sucked in a shocked breath, his face scrunched up in a tortured look; his mouth opened several time but nothing coming out.
“You like what you see?” I asked sarcastically.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“You,” I said in a flat voice.
“What?” He asked pulled back.
“You were high and beat me.”
He just looked me over with his eyes. His face still scrunched up.
“Yeah I know all about it Jack. You’re a cocaine addict.”
“No I’m not,” he denied.
“Yes you are!” I screamed at him. “That’s your dirty little secret huh?” I asked.
“Kyle, you’re loopy. Let’s get you to a doctor, baby.”
“Stop denying it Jack! I saw the needles! You beat the shit out of me. I’m not loopy! You are!” I screamed.
Part of me wanted to hit him but another part was too scared to. He put his head in his hands and started crying.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You said that last time.”
“There’s no excuse for it,” he sobbed.
I was so angry with him, yet I couldn’t stand to watch him cry. I wanted to go to him and hold him tight and tell him I forgave him. He was under the influence. He didn’t know what he was doing. It was the drugs. But then again, he was right. There was no excuse for his behavior.
His sobs grew more and more, and his body began to shake.
“Why?” I asked.
“I’m- I’m not sure.” He looked up at me, at the damage he had done. He shook his head as if trying to erase the image. The crying got harder and louder. I was dieing. I wanted to comfort him so much but I was hesitant.
It’s Jack, your boyfriend. The boy you love. Go comfort him, I told myself and so I did.
I ran over to the bed and took Jack into my arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. He cried on, and I held him, stroking my hands in his hair and soothing circles on his arm.
“Stop. I should be begging for you back. I should be apologizing. I-I’m so sorry Kyle. I did it at a party a long time ago and got addicted. I want to stop. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he confessed to me. His sobs softened a bit.
“All is forgiven baby,” I whispered in his ear, kissing the top of his head.
“How can you forgive me? I’m disgusted with myself.”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure why, well of course I did. I loved him, I cared for him, I wanted to help him. I just kissed his head over and over again.
He sniffled. “Kyle, talk to me. You have to be angry at me. Disgusted with me, hurt, traumatized, you shouldn’t even be able to look at me. Why are you soothing me?”
I sighed. I tilted his head so I could look him in the eyes.
“For reasons I can’t explain. I’m here. I forgive you. I care about you Jack. You’ve made a mistake and I’m going to help you get over this,” I told him.
“Kyle Burns, I love you so much. I promise you this, I will never use cocaine again. I will never hurt you ever again. I promise you.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you finally said it so now I can say it.”
He looked puzzled.
“I love you.” I kissed him softly on the lips.